A character in Scorpion
Played by Elyes Gabel
Scorpion · 241 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Scorpion: in 106 of its 241 quotes
Most scenes with: Toby Curtis (49), Paige Dineen (37), Happy Quinn (30)
Oh, no. I am not going back to college. College was the worst six months of my life.
I'm in! And I'm gonna do it right this time. College sucked hard for 14-year-old Tobias Curtis.
Guys, college is fun!
Walter O'BrienCollege is a continued adolescence factory where parents subsidize years of nonsense instead of serious academic rigor.
Yeah. Fun.
Walter O'BrienI haven't had a chance to spread them.
So you keep them in a coffee can in your glove compartment?!
Walter O'BrienThe urn they gave me was black. Megan hated black. And it's safe in there.
Walter O'BrienRalph, have you accessed the system?
Almost there.
Uh, by the way, where's your sitter?
Downstairs on her phone. I gave her a soda.
You sure you know what you're doing?
I am a hypochondriac. I've been taking my own blood pressure since I was nine.
Walter O'BrienWhy is Sylvester administering you medical care?
My doctor says my numbers are up. He wants me to check it every morning.
You're in good shape. Why would you have high blood pressure?
Happy New Year! I got bagels. throws a bagel and hits Cabe
You were saying?
I was worried that Ralph wouldn't connect with other people because he has no siblings, but he's got a whole bunch right here.
Walter O'BrienYeah, they're just not as mature as he is yet.
There is a fine line between honesty and insult.
Walter O'BrienI do not see it. You are a hundred percent wrong.
Yes, clearly you do not see it.
Paige is trying to create a distraction.
Here, lyrics. You're doing the boy part.
Walter O'BrienOK...I'm doing what?
You're doing the boy part.
Oh God! I should be recording this.
Walter O'Brien[sings] Don't go breaking my heart.
All I remember is walking to my car after our date--
You didn't walk her to her car? I thought you said it went well!
Walter O'BrienIt's an antiquated sexist notion.
Walter O'BrienCome on, Toby, this is hazelnut creamer!
And that's a table, and that's a chair. I'm pretty good at this game.
Walter O'BrienYou wrote "hazelnut" in front of creamer again on the grocery list. I hate hazelnut!
People like flavored creamers.
Walter O'BrienCreamer is a flavor and you could have just written a different item under it.
You could just relax. Don't be such a creamer-screamer.
Walter O'BrienI'm not screaming, though I could very easily if you don't stop that nonsense you've been pulling.
Really?
Walter O'BrienYes.
OK.
Walter O'BrienAbsolutely.
OK, this has gotta end.
Walter O'BrienWhat does?
You two fighting constantly lately.
She's right. You two argue like an old married couple.
Walter O'BrienHe's intentionally antagonistic.
Actually, I'm half antagonistic, on my mother's side. But my father? One hundred percent oppositional.
Walter O'BrienOver the past weeks, your antics have gone from petty annoyance to overtly combative.
Objection. Inflammatory.
Overruled.
Objection. You can't make that call. You two are sweet on each other.
Objection!
OK, if we're gonna play kangaroo court: I have to go out of pocket to sweeten my java because all we normally have here is regular creamer.
That honey is from Kovelsky's, it's free.
Immaterial.
You know what? You both suck. Your bickering is making everyone miserable.
Copy that.
You're being sent to couple's therapy.
Awesome!
Walter O'BrienWhat? No.
I'm with jerkface.
Well, too bad. I manage this ball club.
...
You heard the judge.
Walter O'BrienI'm sorry.
Huh?
Walter O'BrienFor whatever I did that made you so mad at me. I mean, I know I have relationship problems. I barely speak to my parents, and I can't date a woman for more than a few months. But I do try to be a cognizant friend to you, to Happy, Sly, 'cause we're supposed to understand each other....But if I'm making you so upset to where you're arguing with me about minutia, and I don't even know what I'm doing wrong, then I am not making as much progress as what I thought. It's disheartening.
Walter O'BrienI want to be a good friend, and not drive people crazy.
OK, that's it, I can't take the guilt anymore. Walter, you didn't do anything. Truth is, we both know I'm a little self-destructive and lately I've been on this roll. I love my job, I'm even doin' well at the ponies, and I can sabotage myself when I have all that I want. What is more self-destructive than picking a fight with your boss? Look man, I've never been happier in my life, and I don't know how to handle that, so I become a pain in the tuchas. That's on me. I'm sorry.
Walter O'BrienWow, that's messed up.
[using a puppet and mocking voice] My name's Walter O'Brien. I have the fourth-highest IQ ever recorded, 197. Einstein's was 160.
Walter O'BrienYes, they're both facts.
But what is he saying?
Walter O'BrienMm-hmm.
I'm saying you have a superiority complex.
Walter O'BrienBut I am superior.
Ah, ah, ah! If you want your feelings to be felt, you must use the felt.
Walter O'Brien[using puppet] My name is Toby. I went to Harvard. I chase Happy Quinn around like a schoolboy. I probably wear this hat in the shower.
You see? Just attacks the hat.
Nah, forget the hat. The hat is stupid. Who's Happy Quinn? Walter might have some unconscious concerns about her to bring her up now.
Walter O'BrienNo, very conscious. His obsession with her affects his efficacy.
She's not...she's a friend, friend from work.
[buzzer]
What the hell is that?
That's my nuttin' button. When you say something that's nuttin' but a lie [buzz].
I didn't lie.
[buzzer]
Lie by ommission. You said friend twice, back to back. Repetitive proximity pattern. You and Happy are more than friends.
Please, I'm not about to be analyzed by someone whose degree came with pop-up ads.
[buzzer]
Right to dismissive word choice.
Walter O'BrienThere's no fraternization at work.
We're not fraternizing at work.
Notice his use of the qualifier "at work"?
Walter O'BrienHe did! He used a qualifier!
Yeah, but... No!
Tobias, a little rumscuttle with someone you care about, nothing to be ashamed of. But therapy only works in conjunction with honesty. So, are you involved in amorous congress with Miss Quinn or not? We await your answer.
[pause]
Oh crap.
I can't believe Walter bought us a cotton candy machine!
Walter O'BrienYeah, I can't believe it either. But it just got delivered here?
I didn't know what was in the box, I just signed for it. Someone must have stolen your credit card number.
You were mad at Walter, so you charged a bunch of expensive nonsense to the corporate card just to annoy him?
Your Super Fun Guy pinball machine arrives tomorrow.
Sweet.
Walter O'BrienCall Know-It-All.
Calling Know-It-All.
Toby's phone rings; caller ID reads Ego-Maniac.
I'm excited to work with a team of geniuses. What are they like?
They're unique.
[later]
Walter O'BrienToby, you might wanna take your bra off; Cabe's trainee arrives today.
Toby CurtisEddie Kaye Thomas · 117 quotes
Happy QuinnJadyn Wong · 71 quotes
Paige DineenKatharine McPhee · 69 quotes
Sylvester DoddAri Stidham · 63 quotes
Cabe GalloRobert Patrick · 48 quotes
Ralph DineenRiley B. Smith · 23 quotes
Ray SpiewackKevin Weisman · 6 quotes
Drew BakerBrendan Hines · 5 quotes
Megan O'BrienCamille Guaty · 4 quotes
Tim ArmstrongScott Porter · 3 quotes
Veronica DineenLea Thompson · 3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scorpion pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.