Toby Curtis quotes from Scorpion

If you had been holding onto the sat phone instead of me, we wouldn't be in this mess right now.

Toby Curtis

I was protecting you, it was instinctive.

It was stupid. You were an unbuckled 150-pound projectile.

Toby Curtis

154. I've been working out.

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Probability theory dictates that one cannot predict the future with any absolute certainty. But this is an exception. There is zero chance that she will accept your apology.

Toby Curtis

I'm not gonna apologize. I'm gonna grovel.

Understood, but still, there's a high likelihood that she will throw something at you.

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You are not Normal. Who besides these guys computes tire tread on wheels they've seen for a split second?

And you knew to the inch where the supplies would be for my urinal-cake cannon.

Toby Curtis

Your what now?

You corrected me on the number of bullets fired by Hector and Jorge, and no one corrects me when it comes to math. But you were right.

MHMaya Hernandez

I'm good with numbers.

When you watch a pinwheel, can you replay it in your mind in slow motion to count the revolutions?

MHMaya Hernandez

Only when I'm bored.

Yeah, you're a genius. I'm guessing 1-6-4 with a specialty in visual inferential mathematics. You can record and compute what you see.

Now, that explains the low EQ.

MHMaya Hernandez

What the hell is a low EQ?!

Toby Curtis

That.

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How long until we ditch this weasel?

What you don't like pets?

I wasn't talking about the ferret.

Toby Curtis

How long are you gonna punish me for sleeping through our date?

What's your life span?

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Toby Curtis

Lying billionaire says what?

RERichard Elia

Huh?

Toby Curtis

Close enough.

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Toby Curtis

Why's the kid in a monkey suit?

Picture day. So cute, he wanted to pick the outfit himself.

Toby Curtis

You don't see what's goin' on there?

No.

Toby Curtis

Hey, Ralphie boy, could you do Uncle Toby a favor and take off that jacket, you don't wanna get grease on it.

You better roll up those sleeves too, buddy, just to be safe.

Paige realizes that Ralph is dressed exactly like Walter.

Toby Curtis

Congratulations. You're raising Walter.

Oh God.

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Multiple phones suddenly start ringing.

That would be NASA, NORAD, the UN, and NATO, all wanting to know about the unplanned missile launch.

Toby Curtis

Let the machine get it.

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Oh, that's a wrinkle.

[listening on comms] What did he say?

"That's a wrinkle"?

Toby Curtis

What's a wrinkle?

Walter's parachute lands on the ground next to Cabe, Happy, and Toby.

Oh, that's a wrinkle.

Not good.

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There's a good chance Zoric is gonna be armed; you ready for this?

No.

Alright, then I'll go first.

Guys, remember, Ernesto might by deaf, but Zoric is not. You need to be completely silent, or else he'll know someone's in there with him.

Toby Curtis

Good point, Professor Obvious. Walter, also remember: We're in Cuba, and the Earth is round.

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Who's Jackson Wyles?

Nobody.

There's two identical math sheets, one with your name on it, one with his.

Ralph, why are you doing someone's homework for them?

To avoid injury.

That's a good reason

Son, you can't let yourself get bullied. You gotta stand up for yourself. You know how to fight?

He's not fighting.

That's the problem--he should be. Knock Jackson Wyles on his ass.

Nothing stops a punk faster than a shot right to the snout.

Thanks for the advice, but no.

I got an idea.

Ralph, don't worry. I'm gonna set up a meeting with your principal and this Jackson Wyles' parents.

Involving the bully's parents might be poking the bear. Ralph, how fast can you run?

He's not going to run away. He's going to face his problems.

Toby Curtis

His problem is probably twice his size and skilled at wedgies and rear admirals.

And the dreaded covered wagon.

Maybe he shouldn't be wearing underwear.

What?! I appreciate everyone's concern, but none of you are his mom.

I can handle this.

You can handle what? Everything OK, Ralph?

Some kid's making Ralph do his homework for him.

Good, that is the perfect reason for Ralph to leave that school. He is smarter than everyone there, including the teachers. The guys and I will homeschool him from here.

Worst idea yet.

TP[Toby plays a recording in Paige's voice]

I think Toby's right. He's always right, or my name isn't Paige Dineen.

Toby Curtis

Tweaked Walt's voice-adaptation software. It'll record the basic tone of anyone's voice, then it perfectly mimics whatever you type in.... And it is clearly not the time to unveil it.

Thank God, this conversation's over. Sweetheart, I want you to avoid that boy today, and I'm gonna call Principal Pastorneck.

Don't, I can handle this. Just give me one day?

Ok. Love you.

Stay strong.

Hey, where you goin' kid? I just got the heavy bag up!

I gotta go; you can teach me to hit people later.

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Toby Curtis

Holy TV stars!

NCNews Correspondent

[on TV] I'm here with Ralph Dineen. Hi Ralph!

[on TV] Hello.

Ralph get in here!

NCNews Correspondent

[on TV] Ralph, I understand you've just been accepted to Harvard, MIT, Caltech, to name a few. Not bad for a 10-year-old. How did this happen?

[on TV] I applied.

NCNews Correspondent

[on TV] Really, does your mom--

[Ralph turns off TV]

Now I'm a celebrity at school. Kids don't pick on celebrities.

He's right. I mean, this was an efficient plan involving zero confrontation.

I never signed off on TV interviews.

RP[Ralph plays a recording in Paige's voice]

Of course you can speak to my son Ralph, I'm so proud of him.

I've been saying for months that Ralph needs to ditch that school.

I'm staying in elementary school. If I can't relate to humans, I'll turn out like you guys.

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DDDeputy Director Cooper

Because this is a black operation, my information is need-to-know. Walter O'Brien, Cabe Gallo, Happy Quinn, join me in my SUV.

Toby Curtis

Hmm. Are you heading north or south? Ooh, eye flutter on south. Huntington? Long Beach? San Pedro? San Pedro it is. Meaning water. The ports.

A frigate!

DDDeputy Director Cooper

Can we leave now?

Toby Curtis

You can only take three of the team, so space is an issue. A submarine? It's a submarine, isn't it? Anyway, Homeland needs Scorpion's help for a black ops nuclear submarine mission deep in international waters off the coast of California? Yep!

Toby and Sylvester bump fists.

They'll be needing me to code? I'll get my laptop.

And I will be building something, so I'll get my tools.

And I will get my party hat because I don't have to go on a submarine.

And I'll be going to keep anyone from wanting to kill them.

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