Billy Melrose quotes from Scarecrow and Mrs. King

Billy

Yeah. Poor Fred. What about you, Amanda? When did you actually find out about the bomb?

Amanda

Oh. Just before it didn't go off.

Billy

Nobody's blaming you, Amanda. The Dodger's a very sharp operator. How did he arrange to meet you?

Amanda

He didn't. I mean, I don't think he did. His car stalled behind mine when I was shopping

Lee

I don't believe this. I don't believe it.

Amanda

Well, anyway, so we got out and we were talking while we waited for the car club and he seemed nice and friendly and...

Lee

Oh, yeah, and he picked you up.

Amanda

He did not pick me up!

Billy

He did not give you a phone number?

Amanda

No, he didn't give me a phone number, he always called me.

Lee

And that didn't tip you off? Oh, come on, Amanda, married guys and weirdos. They don't give you phone numbers.

Amanda

You do understand what I’m saying don’t you Mr Melrose?

Billy

I understand you nearly all the time Amanda, it bothers me a little but I do understand.

Billy

No more discussions Scarecrow your going and that’s final.

Lee

But Billy, I was scheduled for a vacation, I’m going to the Riviera.

Billy

It’s only for a week, France will be there when you get done.

Lee

Ok, ok I wanted this to be a surprise but, now you know how you have been on me about my field reports being behind, well I was going to use this time to bring them up to date.

Billy

On the beach at Nice, or in a casino in Monte Carlo?

Amanda

Why would anybody try to dirty up my records?

Francine

Because you're perfect Amanda, the textbook tells us that in situations like this it’s always someone obscure.

Amanda

Someone obscure?

Francine

Yes Amanda and that’s you, dealing with unimportant information, always there but not really doing very much, pleasant, unassuming, easy to overlook, loyal, faithful.

Amanda

Like your dog... if you had one.

Lee

Amanda, come on she didn’t mean it that way.

Francine

No, no what I meant was she’s just one of those little people that one hardly ever notices, you know, like waiters or servants.

Billy

Francine, if you're through making her into a piece of the office furniture, may we please get back to the business at hand?

Billy

Amanda, were you killed?

Amanda

Oh no Sir.

Billy

Good work.

Billy

It’s all yours.

Lee

Oh no, no.

Amanda

What’s the matter?

Lee

He thinks he’s going to give me this Q Bureau for keeps.

Amanda

Well that’s wonderful.

Lee

No it’s not it’s just more work.

Billy

Now here’s the combination to the vault, it’s really a shambles in there we’ll get all the locks changed and this button is the silent alarm.

Lee

Now I know why they issued us cyanide capsules, you make me do this and I’ll use mine.

Billy

Feel free, Amanda if he lives help him straighten things out.

Lee

You know how I am about reading the small print.

Amanda

Oh, speaking of small print here’s some that I don’t think you’ve read at all yet. It’s your prescription from Dr Scardelli.

Lee

What?

Amanda

Hmmm.

Lee

Bed rest and total relaxation for five days, hey look I’m fine, I’ve got a thousand things to do around here I can’t...

Billy

I second that prescription Scarecrow and that’s an order, Mrs King I have an assignment for you.

Amanda

Yes sir, what is it?

Billy

Him, I’m giving you a temporary AOS16 status, so that he will get that rest.

Amanda

Yes sir, I won’t let you down.

Lee

AOS16?

Amanda

Higher than you, that’s right.

Lee

One level higher.

Amanda

Step right this way please.

Billy

Lee, how’d you do the last time you drew to an inside straight?

Lee

How’d you think I got my car?

Billy

All right, Francine, they sifted through the ashes and you can relax; there’s no signs of human remains... And stand upǃ

Francine

Yes sir, that’s good news

Billy

The last of it - all my other news is bad.

Cough

Billy

What?

It’s a joke Melrose.

Lee

Hey Doc, how’s he doing?

Lousy, he’s got no sense of humor.

Amanda

You don’t remember anything Sir?

Billy

Just a bunch of mixed up images, Bears...

Bears, a symbol of courage and strength, what else, skeletal remains… personification of death, I think there’s something sexual there as well, I’ll look it up.

Amanda

It’s alright Lee, Mrs Frampton I went to talk to Mr Perry unofficially because I thought he could clear me, I take full responsibility.

Lee

More precisely, I ordered Mrs King to accompany me as backup, I take responsibility.

Amanda

No.

Billy

Hold it people, I take responsibility around here remember.

Billy

Amanda was in my office at 7 o’clock this morning.

Lee

Oh Billy you know the way she is?

Billy

She was worried about you, yeah I’m beginning to get the drift.

Lee

Now wait a minute that off assignment mode is our vacation time, Billy.

Billy

Our vacation? I’m sure that was a co-incidence or is there something you want to tell me?