Lee Stetson quotes from Scarecrow and Mrs. King

Lee

Now where were you between November of ’82 and mid January of ’83?

Amanda

Are you Perry Mason? Am I supposed to crack under the pressure, or something?

Amanda

Why would anybody try to dirty up my records?

Francine

Because you're perfect Amanda, the textbook tells us that in situations like this it’s always someone obscure.

Amanda

Someone obscure?

Francine

Yes Amanda and that’s you, dealing with unimportant information, always there but not really doing very much, pleasant, unassuming, easy to overlook, loyal, faithful.

Amanda

Like your dog... if you had one.

Lee

Amanda, come on she didn’t mean it that way.

Francine

No, no what I meant was she’s just one of those little people that one hardly ever notices, you know, like waiters or servants.

Billy

Francine, if you're through making her into a piece of the office furniture, may we please get back to the business at hand?

Lee

(undercover as a pest controller) Are you the lady who called about the ants?

Amanda

Ants?

Ants?

Amanda

Lee, I’m being judged.

Lee

For what?

Did you say ants?

Lee

Yes maam, you got em, we get em, they’re usually in the kitchen, it’s those crumbs, vacuuming helps, have you got a vacuum?

Francine

Yes of course I’ve got a vacuum, what I don’t have is antsǃ

Francine

Oh, oh I’m glad I caught you.

Lee

Caught me, you almost tackled me.

Francine

Yeah, wishful thinking.

Lee

I’m really very sorry Amanda, I know I’m not being very much fun tonight.

Amanda

Oh that’s alright Lee, we never have much fun.

Amanda

How did you know it was me?

Lee

Who else do I know whose last words would be ‘oh my gosh’?

Lee

It’s alright partner, you won’t be needing that anymore.

Amanda

Good work Scarecrow, Bill will be pleased lets get this dirtbag down to the station.

Lee

Yes Ma'am.

Lee

It was just a tiny computer error that’s all it was, now it could have been worse, the obituary could have been for real.

Amanda

Yeah well look as far as all my friends are concerned it is real, do you know how many people called my Mother this morning and sent flowers?

Lee

Well at least you know you were well liked.

Amanda

I knew I was well liked before this happened.

Lee

Amanda, is that house at the end of your street still up for rent?

Amanda

You mean the Cooperman house? I think so why?

Lee

Well I know someone who wants to rent it for awhile.

Amanda

Who?

Lee

Me, I want to get closer to someone who lives there.

Amanda

Oh, we could go to dinner you don’t have to move in down the street.

Lee

Aaaahhh!

Amanda

Hi.

Lee

Amanda, what the...? You just about scared the hell out of me.

Amanda

Oh, I’m sorry. Now you know what it feels like.

Just a minute, Mr. Stetson. There's a little matter of ladies underwear.

Lee

Look, lady, a good friend of mine is rubbing elbows with some of the most blood thirsty terrorists in the world, and she doesn't know it. I'll have to get back to you on that underwear problem...

Lee

A professional trained agent plans every detail, every nuance – the word accident does not enter into their vocabulary.

Amanda

Well heaven forbid one tiny little compliment should escape your lips.

Lee

I’m just trying to point out it takes technique.

Amanda

Oh?

Lee

Look for instance, I’m sitting right here on this park bench now your assignment is to make a casual and natural contact, establish a relationship with me and then get me to ask you to the Kennedy tonight for a Verdi festival.

Amanda

How am I supposed to do that?

Lee

Look you sit and I’ll show you – hey toots.

Amanda

Ugh.

Lee

How ya doin? – heard any good opera lately?

Amanda

No I can’t say that I have.

Lee

Then what do you say that we hit the Kennedy for a little Verdi?

Amanda

Sorry I’m busy.

Lee

Gee that’s too bad, these were for tonight.

Amanda

Are those real?

Lee

About 8?

Amanda

I’d love to.

Lee

See how easy that was?

Francine

Oh. Alright. Okay. So that’s fine. Here’s what we’ll do. You give us your black book, we’ll divide it up and just start dialing.

Amanda

Right.

Lee

Books.

Amanda

Books?

Lee

I have four of them.

Francine

I should have known.

Billy

It’s all yours.

Lee

Oh no, no.

Amanda

What’s the matter?

Lee

He thinks he’s going to give me this Q Bureau for keeps.

Amanda

Well that’s wonderful.

Lee

No it’s not it’s just more work.

Billy

Now here’s the combination to the vault, it’s really a shambles in there we’ll get all the locks changed and this button is the silent alarm.

Lee

Now I know why they issued us cyanide capsules, you make me do this and I’ll use mine.

Billy

Feel free, Amanda if he lives help him straighten things out.

Amanda

Hello there.

Lee

Hi.

Amanda

Well thanks for the picnic, you really know how to give a girl a good time.

Lee

Well you make a pretty mean chicken sandwich.

Amanda

Oh my BLT’s even better.

Lee

Oh toasted wheat, crisp bacon, a touch of mayo.

Amanda

Just a touch.

Lee

Sounds perfect.

Amanda

Lee – about last night.

Lee

I know, I know it was just two cold people seeking a little warmth – right.

Amanda

Not exactly...