Samurai Jack Season 1 quotes

[standing along with her family] Give us the food and your life will be spared!

You mean my...sword? Hungry? Come get some.

But you don't have the magic words.

Magic words? What magic words?

The ones the gargoyle knew. Now we'll never get out.

I wish we were free.

A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody. You can hide but you cannot run. A true coward runs not from his opponent but from himself. Many receive advice. Only the wise profit by it.

Ringmaster

Facing the twelve-time champion of the ring, the Administer of Agony, the Baron of Brutality, the Carver of Carnage, the Dealer of Destruction... Gordo the Gruesome!

The Ringmaster

Our talent search has spread throughout the universe, to bring you only the finest quality of challenger. He'll battle the greatest of champions. No victory is too small, no wound is too great, no weapon is illegal. And now, the Dome of Doom presents for your pleasure... Two-Sandals the Treacherous!

PREPARE TO SUFFER, TWO SANDALS THE TREACHEROUS! I WILL BEAT YOU LIKE A DRUM! I WILL HANG YOU OUT LIKE LAUNDRY!

The Ringmaster

And now, without any further...

I AM THE MASTER MECHANIC, THE ALPHA AND OMEGA! I WILL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, SLAVE! I'M GONNA TEAR YOU UP INTO LITTLE SHREDS, AND THEN I'M GONNA TAKE THOSE SHREDS AND TEAR THEM UP INTO LITTLE SHREDS! I WILL MAKE YOUR MOTHER CRY! I WILL MAKE YOUR AUNT EDNA FROM WITHERSHOOT PROPER AND SOUTH OF BARNABY CRY! ARE YOU READY FOR PAIN, TWO SANDALS?!

Samurai Jack

I am not intimidated by your shouting. A true warrior fights not with words, but-

Ringmaster

Deep from within the deepiest abyss of the seventh ocean of Amalgamous arose a champion of unimaginable proportions. Half machine, half flesh, all terror. The AQUALIZER!

Dome of Doom, once more have you summoned. To answer your call, I have risen from the depth of the abyss to conquer the ring and to put an end to this lowly amateur.

Help me! Help!

Doom doom doom!

Ringmaster

The crowd calls upon you, Two Sandals, to put the doom on the Aqualizer.

No, I will not participate in the senseless violence any longer! You will have to get your entertainment elsewhere.

Ringmaster

This is a dark moment indeed. Not only has he insulted the ring he has insulted us. We will show no more mercy to this show sandaled heathen. Introducing the champion to end all champions! Weighing in at a mere 700 tons I give you Sumoto!

I will not fight.

The Ringmaster

Then you will be destroyed.

I will not fight you, Sumoto.

Ringmaster

It's the Sumoto Swan Dive! No challenger has ever survived it! Thank you, Sumoto, for putting the doom back in the Dome of Doom.

Ringmaster

This...This cannot be. It looks like Sumoto is...ticklish.

The Scotsman

[upon reuniting with Samurai Jack] Remember me? [laughs heartily, then grabs a shield protecting Jack from gunfire] Watch it!

Scotsman

[having been crying on Jack's shoulder] I'm just overcome thinking 'bout her. How can I live without me bonnie wife?

Samurai Jack

I suggest we waste no time crying then.

Scotsman

Aye.

Is your clan always that wild?

Scotsman

Aye, that's why I never stay at home. I'm the mellow one.

Scotsman

Me Clan Druid rolled the bones. They said seek the help of a stranger. Yer the only stranger I know, and yer as strange as they come, laddie.

And what is haggis?

Sheep's stomach stuffed with meat and barley!

Scotsman

But lovely lump, the druid said...

The druid? Who listens to a man wearing an elk skull on his head?

Scotsman

But he-

Shut it!

Scotsman

Yes, dear.

I've never been so humiliated in me blessed life! I have a gimbly old dullard for a husband and a scrawny tree for a sidekick! I'd be better off saving meself!

The moon is full. Destroy the men and throw the fat female in the pot.

Fat? Fat?! I'M NOT FAT! I'M STOUT!

Silence!