Santa's so fast, he delivers presents to the whole wide world in one night.
Superman is faster! He circled the planet and made us all forget about that earthquake that killed Lois Lane.
What earthquake?
Exactly, bitch!
[flies down] Kids! Kids! Take it easy.
[surprised] Superman!
It's not important who's fastest.
Spoken like a true puss.
[insulted] What did you [bleep]ing say?! I would whip Santa's fat ass! Is that what you wanna hear, you little [bleep]ing turd?! [knocks the boy's coffee mug out of his hand] You come at me! You come at me like a [bleep]ing man! [smacks the boy's head and flies up into the air]
[laughing] I've got to blog about the [bleep] that just went down right here!
[At the North Pole]
Ol' Supes thinks he's the fastest, aye? [laughs]
So, who is the fastest, Santa?
[laughs] That's not important.
Spoken like a true puss.
[insulted, knocks the elf's Coke bottle out of his hand before meeting Superman at the top of the Earth] We doing this, blue balls?!
You got that right, Saint Dick! [cut to him and Santa, ready to race around the world] Hey! No fair using reindeer!
[sarcastically] Oh, okay. No fair using our yellow sun then, you [bleep]ing alien!
[The boy shoots a gun where Superman and Santa race. And after hours, Santa and Superman are then seen racing over the finish line at the exact same time, surprising everyone]
It's a tie!
What a complete and total waste of everybody's time!
Well, even a tie has some entertainment value.
Booo!!!
[The Flash speeds off]
[laughs] Sorry we took so long, folks.
Ho ho ho! We ran into a few race hazards. [opens the door of his sleigh, revealing Lex Luthor, who is beaten up]
Lex Luthor, here, tried to decue us both permanently!
Luckily, we stopped him, but only by working together.
[Everyone cheered]
I think they're buying it. Bump it.
[fist bumps with Superman] Anticipated.
Up up and away.
[waking up] What? Where am I? I was at my mother's doing laundry and-
Weaponizing anthrax, Luthor?! Not on my watch!
[confused] What? Weaponiz-
[Santa Claus slams the door in Lex Luthor's face before the two high five and smile at the camera. During the credits, Santa and Superman are seen doing what they really did when they had the race]
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