TV show quotes
Blood spatter indicates he was shot inside this van.
This is strange looking blood.
Do you see why I will only commit to a redish brown stain? This is not blood.
Well what is it then, Dr. Smarty Pants?
Paint. Yeah. I see flecks of avocado green, Tiffany Blue --
Enough, Picasso.
Tommy was telling the truth: John was painting yesterday morning. If he was doing that he couldn't have possibly been robbing a bank.
Unlike electrons, human beings can't be in two places at once. Some physical laws of quantum mechanics.
I kind of love that you know that.
You do? So you don't hate me?
No, I still hate you.
Okay. I'll work on hating you too.
[finds herself presented with a bottle of wine] But I'm having grilled cheese.
But it goes with anything. It's a 1994 Château d'Yquem.
Again? I'm so sick of that.
[laughs] It's sheer perfection. I've only had it once.
Listen, I don't want to stand in the way of a great romance, okay?
What do you mean?
You and Tommy. I mean, clearly opposites attract.
It's an evolutionary strategy to ensure healthy reproduction.
Okay, why do you gotta go straight to breeding? All right? With my brother.
[laughs] Look, I like Tommy. A lot. But I love you, and I hate it when you hate me, so I don't want to do anything to compromise our friendship.
Good, because I hate it when I have to hate you.
What do you think? Did she kill herself?
The bruising and deep-tissue injury around the ligature exceeds the circumference of the noose.
Fifteen words where one would do.
Not a suicide. She was strangled by the rope and posed in the chair.
Looks like we'll be bringing in Eddie after all.
We still don't have enough on him. [grabbing his lower back in pain] Oh!
Lower back pain, sergeant?
Ah, too much of this downward-doggy thing with Melody.
You know back pain is the second most common ailment in the United States.
What's the most common ailment? Your fun facts?
Headaches.
So she's got you doing yoga? This is getting serious.
I've never known her to stick with anything. Maybe she's changed.
By acknowledging her change, you let go of past anger and focus on the present.
Thank you Deepak Maura
Maria Korkman was a preschool teacher.
The same preschool Steve Sanner was calling?
Yeah. Counted three calls in the last week. He wanted to talk to her.
Bad. I wonder why?
Badly.
I hate it when you correct me.
Well, I hate when you forget about Mr. Adverb.
I X-rayed her skeleton to make sure I hadn't missed any surgeries. And I found evidence of repetitive spiral fractures to both her wrists. At least three.
So she's a battered spouse.
Perhaps. But spiral fractures are also a common skiing injury in the lower leg due to the inflexibility of a boot...
Maura, I don't think she's doing handstands in her ski boots.
Probably not.
[watching Maura inspect the body] Never understood why guys would want to run into burning buildings.
You …chase murderers.
Not if they’re on fire.
[smiles] Do you know why firefighters call their outfits ‘bunker gear’?
Their 'outfits'? Yes, because they keep their ‘outfits’ next to their bunks.
: Darn. [beat] Hey, did you know that the first helmet was developed by luggage maker, Henry Gratacap?
Does your brain ever get tired?
No, why?
Well just, with all the useless information…[off Maura’s confused look]... No?
[Maura smiles, they get back to the investigation]
[gestures to the computer screen] The soot buildup on the walls and windows, that’s evidence of a low oxygen fire. But his face shield and lungs say it’s a high oxygen fire….I wrote about this once in the journal of Combustible Science.
Yes. Fabulous article, loved the photos.
[delighted look] I’ll print it out for you.
M-Maura, look, why waste paper? I’ll read it online.
[stops smiling] You’re not gonna read it.
: No, probably not.
[excited again] But, you are going to dinner with Gabriel.
How did you know I was going to dinner?
You brushed your teeth.
I…I always…..brush my teeth. [beat] At work. Sometimes.
I have a reservation at the Ivory Table. I could call, make it for four, we could double date?
Really? Why, who’s your date?
My mother.
Ah, so you, me, Gabriel...and your mother.
mhm.
How could I say no?
[turns around and glares at Jane] You’re being sarcastic aren’t you?
Very. If it was anyone but you I’d say it was the creepiest idea ever.
You shouldn't be here. Not while they're investigating.
Why? What did you say to Connors?
Well, you know I can't say anything.
Ma, get your stuff.
Jane Clementine Rizzoli.
Your middle name is Clementine?
[to her mother] Thank you. Thank you very much.
You're back.
Did you ever return my book "Soothing Paint Choices For The Home?"
Yeah, a long time ago... So you're back.
That's odd because I can't seem to find it.
Did you ever return my "Guns Of The World Digest?"
I ALWAYS return things I borrow.
You sure?
Of course I'm sure. Maybe you lost it. You do lose things.(Sigh) Has Dr.Pike been sitting in my chair?
Could be, Why? Is it broken? Do you want me to find out if he's been sleeping in your bed too?
Were you looking for me?
What about your food? Dr.Pike, have you been eating Maura's porridge?
Of course not!
I'm glad that you think you're SO funny.
It's better being funny than "poindexter" the know-it-all.
Well.. I'd rather be "poindexter" the know-it-all than the "hoi-polloi!"
Good one Maura.
You don't even know what it means.
It means "common." Literal translation is "The Great Unwashed"
Classy. Hide your insults in Latin.
It's Greek.
Oh! The geek that knows Greek. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You know people laugh at you behind your back!
Really?!? Well they call you a bitch behind yours!
Well at least when my father gets pissed off he doesn't stab people with an ice pick!
Well at least my father didn't move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he met at a pizza parlor!
Maura!
Or was it a massage parlor?
Ohh! Look at you! Going all trailer trash Snooki!
I watched that show once! ONCE! It was for ethnographic research!
Remember when you thought you and Becky Zisti were never gonna be friends again?
Yeah, well, I didn't shoot Becky Zisti's father.
Here, do you want some tea? It gets its flavor from pandas!
How does it get its flavor from pandas?
Maura says that the pandas fertilize the tea plants.
That means they grow in panda poop, Ma.
I'm not talking to you until you say three good things!
Okay! Okay! I, uh, found all of the lids to my Tupperware, I--don't have leprosy, and my wonderful mother left the comfort of her free guest house to come stay with me in my crappy little apartment because she loves me.
[smiling] Yes, she does.
And this is where you say, "It's not a crappy little apartment."
[makes a face and shakes her head no]
Ma.
Uh-uh.
It is more energy efficient if we take one car.
Fine, but I'm driving.
Why do you get to drive?!
Because it's an unmarked, and because I'm a cop, and because...just get in the car, Maura!
Have a good time, girls.
I am not listening to Led Zeppelin.
I'm not listening to Yo-yo Ma.
I don't listen to Yo-yo Ma! In the car.
Oh, that's right. Pardon me. Yo-yo Ma is just for the jacuzzi. Put your seatbelt on!
It's on!
[sighs] I hate taggers.
That's not tagging, it's graffiti.
Same thing.
No, it is not. Wow. What a powerful piece of street art.
What a powerful example of felony vandalism.
Jane, this is contemporary art.
Says the woman who paid $1500 for old Pinto parts.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rizzoli & Isles pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
