Maura Isles quotes from Rizzoli & Isles

Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?

Isles

No.

Did you ever have a best friend?

Isles

No.

You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?

Isles

No, I don't think I would.

[laughs]

Isles

I'm not seeing him. [referring to FBI Agent Dean]

Yet.

Isles

Somebody should, don't you think?

Yep.

Isles

Should we draw straws?

Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide? [they laugh]

Isles

Who is Henry Deduboto?

Ted Bundy!

Isles

That's... five letters too many for that anagram.

How do you do that?!

We're going to surveil this body.

Isles

What, you mean leave her here?

Yes. I said you wouldn't like it. Let's go.

Isles

No. I'm calling my team.

Maura, they weren't expecting anyone to find this body! Look at where she's hidden! Hear me out. Hear me out! We get the hell out of here, we put both the park entrances under surveillance!

Isles

What makes you think Hoyt isn't watching you right now?

He might be! I'm willing to take that gamble!

Isles

What? By leaving this body here in hopes that he'll return? No. No! Every second she stays here more forensic evidence is lost!

Maura, please. The faster we get out of here the better chance we have of not being discovered, okay? Because if we don't do this, we got nothing! If we take this body back now all we'll find out is, yep, she's dead and they killed her! Please! Do this for me!

Was she dead before she was tossed?

Isles

I'd be guessing.

I won't tell.

Isles

Ballpark, two hours?

Ballpark? I guess I do owe you dinner.

Isles

I love modern Foie de veau.

Oh, my God, you're flirting over a dead body.

Isles

When else am I going to do it?

Isles

Do you want to know what I'm thinking?

[sarcastically] It's so weird, I do!

Isles

I think I know why you're making such a big deal that Grant's your new boss.

I don't want to know what you're thinking!

Isles

You two like each other!

No! Do you know what that ass used to call me? Frog face! It's not funny, Maura! No!

Isles

[laughing] It's not funny.

I'm not a frog face!

Isles

Of course. No!

Frost

Korsak's calling me BBK. Barfbag kid. Crow's leaving plastic puke everywhere.

Isles

You're not the first detective to be sickened by death. You just have to find your morgue legs.

Frost

I read a study that said people can conquer this kind of thing with repeated exposure, like when you're afraid of dogs or flying.

Isles

Oh, immersion therapy! Very effective! It worked for me.

Frost

What were you afraid of?

Isles

People. Live ones. [looks down at dead body] She'll never judge me, tease me, and I can help her. I can speak for the dead.

Maura, what do you see?

Isles

A reddish brown stain.

In other words: blood.

Isles

No, a reddish brown stain. The crime lab will determine what it is. No signs of lacerations or abrasions on the victim.

So it's not hers? Which means we might have gotten lucky and the killer was bleeding.

Isles

[makes a face]

Or smearing reddish brown stuff!

Yeah. I owe you a massive apology. I’m sorry.

Yeah, I can tell from the nasty face you’re makin’.

Isles

Oh, that’s not because of you, Jane. He has bolus lesions.

I have what?

Isles

Blisters.

Isles

[talking about Grant] Perhaps he’s a little nicer off the mound?

Oh yeah, he’s fantastic! I wanna kill myself; what’s the best way?

Isles

Uh, atlanto-occipital disarticulation is very fast.

No idea what that is; what else you got?

Isles

You were limping.

Isles

He's got a lot of pulp.

Juice, we say guys got juice.

Isles

Well you're gonna be drinking yours out of a sippy cup if you don't lower your voice!

Isles

Look at that. [gazes at Jane's sandwich] Is it okay?

Yeah!

Isles

[lifts half the sandwich and examines it] Look at this! What is that white substance?

Fluff.

Isles

Light, downy particles of cotton?

It's marshmallow, and the brown substance is called peanut butter. It's ground up, heavy, oily particles of peanuts. What, they didn't have that in your fancy boarding school?

Isles

This is really good!

Isles

Haven't you ever been afraid of anything?

Uh, witches! My family went to Salem when I was little.

Isles

See, you were very impressionable.

Yes, I had to sleep with a night light. Why, what were you scared of?

Isles

Chromobacterium violaceum.

What's that?

Isles

It's a flesh-eating bacteria. It crawls inside your ear or your nose and it starts eating you from the inside out --

Okay, okay! I got it! Thank you!

Isles

[whispering to Jane] You could have told me you had a warrant!

Frost

She didn't. We didn't have time.

Isles

You lied?!

No! I said I was about to serve a warrant. I didn't say when!

Can you tie the genetics of the monkshood in Matt's body and match it to the plant that it came from?

Isles

No.

Can you lie about that?

Isles

No. I don't lie.

It's not a lie!

Isles

Yes, it is. I know when it is. I start to hyperventilate.

It's a white lie!

Isles

[scoffs] It's still a lie.

You've never lied to a guy and told him he was good when he wasn't?

Isles

No!

Do you like this shirt with this jacket?

Isles

Not really, no.

Angela

So, you know, I never told you, but I'd be really good at solving cases.

Isles

Well, the forensic sciences can be quite complicated.

Angela

A little common sense goes a long way. I read so many crime novels and always know who did it.

Thank you, Agatha Christie. Stay in the car.

Angela

I won't embarrass you!

Thirty years of experience says otherwise.