[finds herself presented with a bottle of wine] But I'm having grilled cheese.
IslesBut it goes with anything. It's a 1994 Château d'Yquem.
Again? I'm so sick of that.
Isles
[laughs] It's sheer perfection. I've only had it once.
Listen, I don't want to stand in the way of a great romance, okay?
Isles
What do you mean?
You and Tommy. I mean, clearly opposites attract.
Isles
It's an evolutionary strategy to ensure healthy reproduction.
Okay, why do you gotta go straight to breeding? All right? With my brother.
Isles
[laughs] Look, I like Tommy. A lot. But I love you, and I hate it when you hate me, so I don't want to do anything to compromise our friendship.
Good, because I hate it when I have to hate you.
What do you think? Did she kill herself?
Maura
The bruising and deep-tissue injury around the ligature exceeds the circumference of the noose.
Fifteen words where one would do.
Maura
Not a suicide. She was strangled by the rope and posed in the chair.
Looks like we'll be bringing in Eddie after all.
We still don't have enough on him. [grabbing his lower back in pain] Oh!
Maura
Lower back pain, sergeant?
Ah, too much of this downward-doggy thing with Melody.
Maura
You know back pain is the second most common ailment in the United States.
What's the most common ailment? Your fun facts?
Maura
Headaches.
So she's got you doing yoga? This is getting serious.
I've never known her to stick with anything. Maybe she's changed.
Maura
By acknowledging her change, you let go of past anger and focus on the present.
Maria Korkman was a preschool teacher.
The same preschool Steve Sanner was calling?
Yeah. Counted three calls in the last week. He wanted to talk to her.
Maura
Badly.
I hate it when you correct me.
Maura
Well, I hate when you forget about Mr. Adverb.
Maura
I X-rayed her skeleton to make sure I hadn't missed any surgeries. And I found evidence of repetitive spiral fractures to both her wrists. At least three.
So she's a battered spouse.
Maura
Perhaps. But spiral fractures are also a common skiing injury in the lower leg due to the inflexibility of a boot...
Maura, I don't think she's doing handstands in her ski boots.
Maura
Probably not.
[watching Maura inspect the body] Never understood why guys would want to run into burning buildings.
Isles
You …chase murderers.
Isles
[smiles] Do you know why firefighters call their outfits ‘bunker gear’?
Their 'outfits'? Yes, because they keep their ‘outfits’ next to their bunks.
Isles
: Darn. [beat] Hey, did you know that the first helmet was developed by luggage maker, Henry Gratacap?
Does your brain ever get tired?
Isles
No, why?
Well just, with all the useless information…[off Maura’s confused look]... No?
[Maura smiles, they get back to the investigation]
Isles
[gestures to the computer screen] The soot buildup on the walls and windows, that’s evidence of a low oxygen fire. But his face shield and lungs say it’s a high oxygen fire….I wrote about this once in the journal of Combustible Science.
Yes. Fabulous article, loved the photos.
Isles
[delighted look] I’ll print it out for you.
M-Maura, look, why waste paper? I’ll read it online.
Isles
[stops smiling] You’re not gonna read it.
Isles
[excited again] But, you are going to dinner with Gabriel.
How did you know I was going to dinner?
Isles
You brushed your teeth.
I…I always…..brush my teeth. [beat] At work. Sometimes.
Isles
I have a reservation at the Ivory Table. I could call, make it for four, we could double date?
Really? Why, who’s your date?
Isles
My mother.
Ah, so you, me, Gabriel...and your mother.
Isles
mhm.
Isles
[turns around and glares at Jane] You’re being sarcastic aren’t you?
Very. If it was anyone but you I’d say it was the creepiest idea ever.
Maura
You shouldn't be here. Not while they're investigating.
Why? What did you say to Connors?
Maura
Well, you know I can't say anything.
Maura
Your middle name is Clementine?
[to her mother] Thank you. Thank you very much.
Maura
Did you ever return my book "Soothing Paint Choices For The Home?"
Yeah, a long time ago... So you're back.
Maura
That's odd because I can't seem to find it.
Did you ever return my "Guns Of The World Digest?"
Maura
I ALWAYS return things I borrow.
Maura
Of course I'm sure. Maybe you lost it. You do lose things.(Sigh) Has Dr.Pike been sitting in my chair?
Could be, Why? Is it broken? Do you want me to find out if he's been sleeping in your bed too?
PPike
Were you looking for me?
What about your food? Dr.Pike, have you been eating Maura's porridge?
Maura
I'm glad that you think you're SO funny.
It's better being funny than "poindexter" the know-it-all.
Maura
Well.. I'd rather be "poindexter" the know-it-all than the "hoi-polloi!"
Maura
You don't even know what it means.
PPike
It means "common." Literal translation is "The Great Unwashed"
Classy. Hide your insults in Latin.
Maura
It's Greek.
Oh! The geek that knows Greek. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You know people laugh at you behind your back!
Maura
Really?!? Well they call you a bitch behind yours!
Well at least when my father gets pissed off he doesn't stab people with an ice pick!
Maura
Well at least my father didn't move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he met at a pizza parlor!
Maura
Or was it a massage parlor?
Ohh! Look at you! Going all trailer trash Snooki!
Maura
I watched that show once! ONCE! It was for ethnographic research!
Maura
It is more energy efficient if we take one car.
Maura
Why do you get to drive?!
Because it's an unmarked, and because I'm a cop, and because...just get in the car, Maura!
Maura
I am not listening to Led Zeppelin.
I'm not listening to Yo-yo Ma.
Maura
I don't listen to Yo-yo Ma! In the car.
Oh, that's right. Pardon me. Yo-yo Ma is just for the jacuzzi. Put your seatbelt on!
Maura
It's on!
Maura
That's not tagging, it's graffiti.
Maura
No, it is not. Wow. What a powerful piece of street art.
What a powerful example of felony vandalism.
Maura
Jane, this is contemporary art.
Says the woman who paid $1500 for old Pinto parts.
Maura
[referring to Jane's first meeting with Casey and Jane's discovery that Casey is partially paralyzed] How did it go?
I asked him to go rollerblading.
Maura
Shut the front door. You did not.
Oh, yeah. I did. I think I may have also suggested running.
[referring to the murder victim] No one has reported her missing. Why not?
Maura
Well, she has a depressed skull fracture.
Must have been a hefty weapon.
Maura
Not a weapon.
So she woke up this morning and after she brushed her teeth she thought, gee my head hurts. [smiles]
Maura
No. She had a contrecoup contusion from a massive fall. Contrecoup means --
It's not my first rodeo. It means her brain bounced around inside her skull.
Maura
After striking a hard object.
Maura
[deadpan] It takes longer when you make jokes.
I would poke my eyes out with a scalpel if I didn't make jokes.
Maura
I think we're a match.
You're not really my type.
Maura
[smiles] Me and Cailin.
I think we're having different conversations.
Maura
Cailin needs a kidney.
So you're going to make it out of that cake?
Maura
Of course not. I needed a sample of her DNA.
You're not going to give her a kidney.
Maura
It's my kidney. I can give it to whomever I please.
Maura
I'm going to donate anonymously.
Do you need help getting it out or are you going to do that by yourself too? No! Maura, what are you thinking? No!
Maura
Cailin's dying, Jane, and Hope is overwhelmed. The last thing she needs is to relive the worst day of her life: my birth and death.
I guess I just don't get it.
Maura
If I tell her who I am I'll be a reminder of her tragic past. I'll never be anything else to her. I mean, what? We only need one kidney.
Maura
You'd do the same for one of your brothers.
Maybe, but they'd have to be really, really nice. I'd definitely do it for you, though.
Rizzoli & Isles · 71 quotes
