Maura Isles quotes from Rizzoli & Isles

Isles

Two centimeter singular gunshot wound, mid-chest.

I bet we're looking for a 9mm. [looks defensive when Dr. Isles looks at her in exasperation] I'll have ballistics confirm, I just like to guess! [pause] And I'm usually right!

[looks at a sandwich] Is this from the good fridge or the dead people fridge?

Isles

[smiles] Cold air is cold air.

How old is it? No, don't tell me! I'm too hungry.

Dr. Maura Isles: knuckle deep in germy bar snacks. I'm shocked.

Isles

Oh, I had representative samples tested. Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits. Do you want one?

It must be very complicated to be you.

Isles

[smiles] You have no idea.

I applied to BCU.

Isles

It's very hard to get into.

I got in.

Isles

Why didn't you go?

[shrugs] I wanted to be a cop.

Isles

What's the real reason?

My father would have spent everything to send me there, and I couldn't do that to him.

Isles

Did you ever tell him?

No, that would make him too sad.

[looking at a large mansion owned by the Fairfield family] Holy crap!

Isles

The castle in Scotland is much bigger. The place on the Cape is beautiful, too.

You could have been a Fairfield. How did we not know this?!

Isles

Could you stop saying that?

Frost

Whooooo. This is a Spyker C8 Laviolette! That's 400 horses up under there! I don't see these in magazines.

Isles

Garrett's here. He's always liked the finer things in life.

Yeah. He liked you.

Isles

What's your take?

Korsak

My take is that you are the chief medical examiner and this is not your first floater.

Isles

It is my, uh, forty third. Yes, my forty third.

Korsak

I've been a cop a long time. I know when people aren't telling me the whole story.

Isles

Jane's mad at me!

Korsak

Oh, boy.

Isles

She thinks I'm being biased because I'm acquainted with the family.

Korsak

Acquainted? I heard it was a little more than that.

Isles

It was.

Korsak

That's not it, though. When you grow up like Jane you're going to have an attitude about people who, uh, are entitled.

Isles

That's a form of prejudice!

Korsak

Where people like me and Jane come from, we didn't have a lot, but we had each other's backs. It sounds like to me all Jane wants to know is: do you have hers or not?

Excuse us, gentlemen.

This boat was found in our waters. It's a federal investigation now.

That's a nice ventriloquism act. [turns to look at the Fairfield family attorney] Yeah, I can barely see your lips moving!

Our tow boat is on the way to take this craft to our slip.

Frost

That craft is our crime scene.

Korsak

It's our jurisdiction. Move.

You want kids?

Isles

I would move.

[takes one flute of champagne from a server and drinks a sip] Wow! [grabs a second flute] Thanks! That is good!

Isles

Le Veuve Brut.

Whoa. Can't get that at a 7-Eleven, can you? Man! How much?

Isles

How much?! I don't know.

Guess!

Isles

No!

A hundred bucks?

Isles

Maybe. I don't --

A hundred bucks a bottle? Wow.

Isles

A glass.

Really?! God, no wonder it's so good.

The pager's totaled.

Isles

That's not a pager. It's a glucose management system; insulin pump. She was diabetic. [looks at the victim's hand] Huh. Yeah, needle sticks. She probably had to check her glucose level about five to ten times a day. [leafs through a small notebook] Yeah, she kept careful records. Her last glucose level reading was over four hundred.

Is that good or bad?

Isles

It's extremely high.

Is that good or bad?

I thought you said you couldn't lie!

Isles

What do you mean? I can't!

You did!

Isles

Only one time when I said I'd finished my homework and I hadn't. I immediately went vasovagal. Fainted.

Maybe I should be a lesbian.

Isles

Aw. Well, wishes can come true. Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your profile. I typed.

You what?

Isles

If it wasn't for me, you'd be butch.

You put my photo and profile on a gay dating website?

Isles

It's the best shot at getting DNA and breaking this case.

No, it's our best shot. You're going with me.

Isles

No.

Yes, Dr. Isles! I don't have time to train a female detective how to collect and preserve DNA. You're going!

Isles

I wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women.

What?! Well, first of all, I would be the guy.

Isles

That's a cliche! Why would you be the guy?

Because!

Isles

Because you're bossy?

So are you!

Isles

No, I'm not!

Yes, you are, you're just soft and polite when you're bossing people around.

Isles

Well, it's a good thing you're not my type.

What do you mean I'm not your type?! That's so rude!

Isles

Mark Twain said the clothes make the man.

Korsak

He also said naked people have little or no influence.

Isles

This is serious.

Maura, come on, it'll be fine. We're trained professionals. We know what we're doing. We've actually been undercover a few times before, so let me handle this.

Isles

Okay. Fine. If you don't want my help. It's like trying to dress a squirmy six-year-old, anyway. Everything's too short, too itchy, [high pitched voice] I can't walk in that.

Maura, we all appreciate that you dress like you're about to strut down a Paris runway. It's -- it's interesting.

Frost

Endearing.

Korsak

Sexy!

It's fashionable.

Isles

Oh, so that's what you think? You think this is all about fashion for me??

Um, no? It's not about fashion?

Isles

No, it's not!

What is it about, then?

Isles

I used to sit at the Musée d'Orsay for hours and just stare at it. Do you know what I mean?

[sarcastically] Yes, the Rizzoli family vacations there every summer.

Isles

Have you ever tried to appreciate Euler's number e? You know, the beautiful equation that connects three constants of mathematics? Have you?

Yeah, I tried it once. [Korsak laughs]

Isles

I am in awe of what human beings can do. I am in awe of the hand knit channel stitching on this sweater. I am in awe of the artisan who molded and shaped this shoe.

[sarcastically] I cannot wait to see what you're going to wear.

Isles

We're running for a charity! Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence. We're a team!

Team P.U.K.E.?!

Isles

Yes, that is an unfortunate acronym.

At least you're not a hot dog. Or a mustard.

Stay out of this. Listen, I said I would do this because we said that we wanted to do something together, but I am not running as Lady P.U.K.E. Gaga! No!

Isles

Oh. I'm sorry. I should have realized. I didn't -- I'm sorry.

Holy, crap! You're going to cry on me!

Isles

No, I'm trying not to, it's just that my amygdala and my lacrimal gland have a connection that I can't really control.

Honey, there is no way in hell I am taking this off. I'm already running twenty-six miles with a camel toe.

Isles

Can you at least take off that baggy tee? Oh, come on! I'll let you walk up Heartbreak Hill!

Oh, I'm walking Heartbreak. You're going to have to do better than that.

Isles

Okay. Name it.

The next reddish brown stain you call blood before the labs come in.

Isles

[shocked] You want me to lie?!

No, I want you to state the obvious.

Isles

Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine if it's possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood.

I'll take that as a yes.

Isles

[examining a dead body on a park bench] Body temp is low. He's been sitting here a while.

[observing what the body is holding] It's today's paper. Was he reading the stock pages and slit his own throat?

Isles

There's something very odd about the edges of the wound.

Well, yeah, the whole thing's odd! I mean, there's no blood. There's no sign of struggle. What, death by a sharp nap?!

Isles

The darkening of the nasojugal fold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiencies.

[looking at the victim] Hmm.

Isles

You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?

[flippantly] Thank you. You look nice, too.

It looks like karma finally caught up to him.

Isles

Sanskrit word: a cycle of cause and effect. I think it originated in the Shri Mana tradition.

Do you have to do that?

Isles

Do what?

That! That word thing you do?

Isles

Etymology?

You can't stop, can you?

Isles

Not really.