“Stoke Me a Clipper” quotes from Red Dwarf

Ace

You can't judge a book by its cover.

Lister

And you can't confuse Rimmer with a book. For a start, a book's got a spine.

Ace

Princess Bonjella? Ace Rimmer. There'll be time for explanations later and, hopefully, some sex.

Lister

Are you my faithful man servant or what?

Kryten

I'm ashamed to be with you sir. I haven't been this embarrassed since I was loosening my adjustment screws, and my entire groinal box dropped into Mr Rimmer's soup.

Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas.

Lister

Rimmer, don't take this the wrong way, but how could you be the next Ace? I mean, you're a gutless, spineless, gormless, directionless, neurotic, underachieving, snivelling, cowardly pile of smeg. No offence. But, get real, man. Most eunuchs have got more balls than you.

Good Knight, bring me this knave's head on a silver platter.

Hey, steady!

Then disembowel him and feed his innards to the crows.

This is worse than playing away at Leeds.