What’s that smell? Has there been a fire in here?
Just a small one. I put it out with me beer.
For goodness sake, Lister, that’s terrible!
Don’t panic, I’ve got another one.
“Entangled”
In this episode: Dave Lister (3), Kryten (3), The Cat (3), Arnold Rimmer (2)
Lister, we have health and safety protocols for a reason: to safeguard the crew.
What crew? The original crew? They all got wiped out remember?
Exactly.
By you.
...Exactly!
When you didn't fix that drive plate properly, and that radiation leak fried them to a crisp.
......Exactly!
You’re up late, sir.
Been hunting. Trying to swat this damned space weevil. Little sucker keeps outsmarting me.
Well they do have an IQ of two, sir.
I’m not here to help. Read my CV. "Does not help. Does not clean. Will have sex with anything."
He's speaking "choking to death", sir. It is very hard to translate if you are not being strangled.
(After cutting off Cat's ponytail) Stage one achieved. What do we do now?
(Discussing the Erroneous Reasoning Research Academy) The staff were handpicked for their ability to be mistaken; for their gifts in fallacious analysis and defective reasoning.
(To Rimmer) You could've excelled here.
They were all outstandingly good at being consistently incorrect. There were a lot of referees, TV critics, weathermen, who were then re-educated in the sciences, to develop extraordinary new, erroneous theories, that would combine together to produce works of great genius.
Did it work?
No. The whole idea turned out to be wrong. The man behind the idea was so depressed he attempted suicide. Naturally he failed, and he went on to live into his nineties
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red Dwarf pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.