JJez
I'm just really not happy with the name Free the Paedos. I mean, can't we call it something more normal like... The Swan and Tomato?
Yeah, or compromise? The Swan... and Paedo.
JJez
Yeah OK!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
She's very ill. We need to get her to someone-
Who has more responsibility for her than us.
Exactly.
Did you try to section me?
No. (That sounded convincing.)
Do you really think if you give her back those papers, she's going to let you screw her?
Your dream is just everybody, grey, on the omnibus, eating grey sludge. That's your dream isn't it?
JJez
Oh Suze, it's not scary; you just lose your sense of who you are and all that shit.
Will I still be able to play the piano?
JJez
Of course! Suze, they're mushrooms; they're completely natural! Nothing natural ever hurt anybody, that's a scientific fact.
JJez
If people only did everything they wanted everyone would just spend all day sitting on the carpet watching the poker channel, wanking and eating those expensive German biscuits. Probably.
Listen love, just a little tip alright? You're on the edge now and you need to pick the right way. One way's heaven, and the other... well... probably best not to think about that right now... but it's fuckin' 'orrible, yeah?
JJez
You da man!
I'm a man!
JJez
It's you da man.
Whatever, Jeremy, let's not quibble. I'm a man!
JJez
I'm going to get us both really high and then try to put my hand up her jumper.
That's your plan is it?
[knocking on the locked bedroom door] Open up! Open up, you bloody arsehole!
JJez
Mark, I'm sorry, but can you please keep down the banging?
You bloody - I can't believe you!
JJez
Look, please, be quiet, okay?
[shaking the door handle] Let me out! Let me out I need a poo!
JJez
[slips a takeaway bag under the door] Do your business in there if you have to. God, you're disgusting.
(Oh God. Can I do this? If I do this, even if I end up marrying Sophie and we live in a detached house in Surrey and we buy a holiday home in Umbria, our children will always look up at the face of a man who once crapped in a takeaway bag. Plus... I'd have to hide it here, somewhere in my room next to one of my things. I could throw it out the window. No, that's what they want you to do. That's where society's headed. People shitting in bags and throwing it out the window at each other. Well, I'm not going to be the first. Not in my name!)
Ooh yeah. These are the good times, love; after the initial nausea passes, but before the grinding comedown. Lovely.
[Mark is on the toilet with diarrhoea]
Is that... normal pooing you're doing?
Yep, oh yeah.
Doesn't sound normal... Doesn't smell normal.
It is, honestly.
This is bollocks, Mark! You know the credo: illness equals weakness. You're off the team!
JJez
So this is my big evening, is it? Me, tripping my nuts off, watching you do endless pooing.
Nothing means anything to you, does it? Friendship, loyalty - they're just fusty old words like sixpence and codpiece to you, aren't they?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Peep Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.