TV show quotes
Can you describe exactly what happened, Mr. Corrigan.
Uh.. Well, uh, h-he was... uh, g-giving me a m-massage. And, uh, h-he was going up my... legs and my thighs an-and then he... touched my penis... then he rubbed my... penis. Quite a bit. An-and I said "stop". But he wouldn't stop.
Mark why are you saying this? I don't understand.
B-because... because it's true.
Please don't do this! This is my career!
You should've thought about that when you were touching his cock.
Matt, violence never solved anything: love thy neighbour as thyself.
Yeah, exactly; fuck off!
Well, you can't stay hiding there [behind Sophie and Nancy] forever!
He thinks we can't hide here forever.
He obviously doesn't know us at all, does he?
What a dud evening. Low quality take-away. Low quality detective drama. Low quality sexual intercourse.
Welcome to the world of work, Jeremy. You know, you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.
And you don't have to be a smack-head to wank off old geezers, but that probably helps too.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And even if it is broke, just ignore it and maybe it'll be sort of OK. Like the environment.
Don't flaunt your wad, Jeremy. It's not becoming.
I can't believe it. He's actually thrown me to the lions.
You're disgusting. But I like it. Like going to a strip club with the Pope.
You gave him a hand?
Yeah.
Shit. (I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!)
Why didn't you tell me about the wanking-off bit?
Sorry, I didn't think.
Well you should've bloody thought. Jesus!
Did you do it?
'Course I did. How do you think I got these trainers?
What's going on? Who's wanking who off?
Jeremy's been wanking off this bloke for cash.
No I haven't! It's not -
Jeremy, that is so you. I always knew you'd end up doing something like that.
What do you mean that is so me? That is not so me.
Cheer up, Mark. At least now you've got a funny story to tell people.
Yes. No, I guess this is a pretty funny story. (One that I'll never ever tell anyone because of my deep and burning shame.)
[with the relationship therapist]
Plus, obviously, Sophie mentioned on the phone about the sexual problems in your relationship.
I-I'm sorry?
The sexual problems in your relationship.
Oh! R-right. Are - are there...?
Um, well, I just feel, I don't know... unfulfilled.
Unfilled?
Unfulfilled.
Um, r-right, well I... I-I mean... I-I suppose I-I thought that... uh, m-maybe Sophie might be... o-one of those women who-who find it difficult or-or even impossible to, uh, attain, t-to achieve...
No, I'm definitely not one of those.
Right.
What would you say if you felt that you weren't going to be judged?
I'd say... I'd say, erm...
(This isn't going to be good.)
Often, um, Mark, you... ejaculate... quite a long time... before I've had time to feel like I've... started to enjoy our sex.
Uh huh. Thanks for that, Soph. Great, well, I'll... I'll make a note of that. Well, this has been great. Just a great... time. [gets ready to leave]
Mark, it's alright. We've got 45 minutes yet.
Really? 45 minutes. (Oh great, so I'll be spending £1 a minute to hear how shit I am at sex. Now that's value for money!)
Oh, that is great. You wouldn't even let me drink your piss. I'm not trying to kiss you, Mark. It's liquid waste.
Can I get a metre of vodka...with an inch of tonic?
(Come on, Mark, turn it on! Play the game!) Oh, er, naughty, you've combined metric and imperial, you might get an interdenominational...er, you know, from mixing the two measurement systems, a hangover of that kind (Just stay mute, Mark. You're a social freak. Remain in your compound.)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Peep Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
