Panty quotes from Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt

Panty

We girls do whatever we want! Ain't that right, Barby? Barby Dream Cemetery sold separately! Repent, motherfucker!

Panty

WHAT THE FUCK!? Put it back on! Seriously, he's about to hogtie me. You don't want to miss it.

Panty

Holy shitfuck!

Panty

Hello you! Quite the banana hammock on that one! It's fantastic! O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, drifting between Heaven and Earth and shit. Repent Mother Fucker! Eat this!

Panty

Well, God-fucking bless that guy.

Panty

Well, fuck me in the keyhole.

Panty

He smells my panties, yet somehow I'm the bad guy?

Panty

You're right, I'm just a little bitch and I'm proud of it. But guess what, douchebag? That's not the point. News flash, I don't need special fucking powers to beat the shit out of you. You know why? Because I'm a bitch who doesn't give a fuck. You and your half-dead face can preach about hymens and demons and other weird words that supposedly mean shit, but that doesn't change the fact that if any of you fuckers get in my way, I'm gonna kick some twisted-ass ass. You hear me, dick? I'm a hot bitch angel named Panty. And no matter what anyone says, I DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT!

O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, O evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth. May the thunderous power from the garments of these holy delicate maidens strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger, shattering your loathsome impurity and returning you from whence you came. Repent, motherfucker!

I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought!

Panty

Had this been anymore fucking predictable?

Stocking

Nope. She's a queen, she's a bee, she's a queen bee, we fucking get it!

Stocking

"Innocent yet sexy are the words most commonly used to describe the luscious, young sex symbol who has recently made a comeback. No more dangling babies over balconies or breaking windows, Panty has made a fresh new start." Shitballs, she is not that innocent. Come on. I just had a puddingasm! That sticky goo in my mouth all day! She's here, ten thousand years later. Whore. How's it going over there, Panty?

Panty

Just dandy. Hey, remember that time you made a really fucked up commercial?

Stocking

[from commercial] Glaze my doughnut. Eat my doughnut. I got a doughnut for you!

Panty

Hahahaha! Fuck him with a chainsaw, girl! That was hilarious! Haha!

Stocking

Suck a cow tit, skank!

Panty

Only if you're serving it with your glazed doughnut holes. Too bad you got fired.

Stocking

I wasn't fired. I just refused to sell out, unlike some whores I know. I prefer to keep it on the D.O. I don't wanna fuck up our premiere unlike you.

Panty

Fine. Sit there and flick it while my pampered white ass gets famous without ya!

Stocking

That reminds me. Make sure to warn the ushers at the movie to leave an extra seat for that pampered ass to spread out.

Stocking

JESUS! You always have to fuck up everything, don't you!? This is my room. Your's looks like a hooter's asshole exploded! Look at your toilet! Look at your bathtub! Look at what you put in your mouth and I'm not just talking about dick! You're nothing but a filthy, ho-bagging thief!

Panty

Remember that time when I told you to relax? You need some inner fucking peace.

Stocking

I do not understand how I can ever be related to you.

Panty

[holds a bag of Death Babanero spicy chips] Try these, chica. I'll let you steal some of my food if that'll make you feel better. We cool? [Stocking puts the bag to the ground, where Chuck gets fire breath from the chips] Look, hooker, I'm trying to be fucking nice here.

Stocking

You know I don't like spicy food!

Panty

You do realize that if you only eat sweet shit, you're going to end up a Fatty McFatterson.

Stocking

Whatever! Here's a newsflash, Flatty McFlatterson, all the weight I gain goes straight to my boobs and I am okay with that!

Panty

Yeah, and your nipples are the size of dinner plates. Mine are small, fierce, and oh, God, are they sensitive!

Stocking

You like guys who freak out over your titters. I say titters because your boobs are so small, they actually make me laugh.

Panty

Ah. It's cool. Your tits keep you from looking like a little girl. I get it. Then, when he gives you candy, you won't feel like you're hooking up with a pedophile.

Stocking

You mean like that idiotic muscle-head piece of shit you keep on the back burner? Oh, by the way, I diddled him. I diddled him real hard and he said I was the best fuck he had ever had. Way better than you. Not that he should procreate, but I would totally have his abortion.

Panty

Well, I fucked that little masochist freak you like so much! He was tying me in up, so, heads up, Buttercup! His fatass was all jiggly, just like your fancy pudding and giant skin sacks! Keep your mouth off my things!

Stocking

Likewise, bitch!

Garterbelt

Now, don't forget. Angels, another mandate has arrived. Get your lazy asses to the scene, immediately! Alright, this is the part where you're supposed to get the fuck up!

Stocking

No way.

Panty

Yeah, that's not gonna happen, Garter.

Garterbelt

Holy shit. What now? Son of a bitch.

You heard what I said! I'm not going anywhere with that goddamn waste of space whore! Who the fuck are you calling a whore!? Hey, fuck off, cuntbag! I'm so fucking over you! Quit copying me!

O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, O evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth.

Panty

Guess what's next.

Everyone! Prepare to surge forth with the seeds of anger!

Yeah! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth!

Panty

Yada yada with great vengeance. And furious anger!

Now, brothers! Let the final ejaculation flow!

Panty

Time to repent motherfuckers!

Panty

Ugh, I knew it! It’s sweet shit! Sorry, those pedophile moves don’t work on me anymore! Stocking, how do you do it? I can actually feel my ass dimpling! Uh, chica? Did you hear me? What the fuck’s a fondant anyway? It looks like plastic! You take ‘em. They’re from Angel House, that place everyone’s getting their nipples hard over.

Stocking

No, thank you! I have no interest in things of that nature!

Panty

Seriously? Your call! Looks like Chuck’s getting the runs tonight! Chuck! You’re up. Want some cellulite? Ready? Hold this on your nose! Hold still, damn it! Good boy! Okay, catch! Catch! Do the thing with the catching! You’re so fucking useless! Drool! Good boy.

Stocking

WAIT- [Chuck eats the cake, to her dismay]

Panty

Oopsie! Did you decide you wanted some?

Stocking

Did you decide you wanted to shut the fuck up?

Panty

Oh, Stocking?

Stocking

Yes, whore?

Panty

Are you on a diet? You can tell me!

Stocking

Of course not! Why would you say that? I’m naturally petite and thin! I’m the reason tweens make themselves hurl!

Panty

Uh oh! Peek-a-boo! I saw it! There it is! There it is again. Hello! Still there. Fatty! Fatass! One more hit! Fatty! Fattyfattyfattyfattyfatty- [Stocking starts laughing away]

Panty

Where the fuck did you come from?

Garterbelt

Your momma's ass.