Charlie Eppes quotes from Numb3rs

Alan Eppes

Listen, when you're done with that, would you mind looking at something for me?

Charlie Eppes

Yeah, sure, what is it?

Alan Eppes

My profile. I'm joining Facebook... Well, I figured, since I'm back in college I might as well hook up with some old friends, maybe even find some new ones. People with similar interests as mine.

Charlie Eppes

Intrests in what? High School Musical?

[about the "Granny shot" being more effective than the overhead shot] But there's something about that shot... it... it just doesn't look right.

Charlie Eppes

Well Coach, that's the whole point of this thing. I mean, if we're gonna end CalSci's 15 year losing streak, we gotta find the best shot, not the shot that looks right.

Amita Ramanujan

[about two usernames never being online at the same time] It's like Superman and Clark Kent, never at the same place at the same time.

Charlie Eppes

The same person.

Charlie Eppes

My first day at CalSci, I stood in this office, and Biederman sat right there and he gave me the onceover and asked: "Are you the Boygenius that everybody says you are?"

Amita Ramanujan

And now Biederman is retired and you are the man... oh, pardon me... the Mangenuis!

Don

Dang. Nice digs. (chuckling) Well, I don't understand. Dad said it was like a disaster, like my room when I was 15.

Charlie

He was right, by the way. Um, no, Amita came by today and did all this. It's nice of her.

Don

You've definitely arrived, kid.

Charlie

Yeah. I've arrived. Don't know how long I'm set to stay.

Don

What are you talking about? You've been working for this your whole life.

Charlie

Yeah. My destiny. What if my future has changed, you know? What if it's not being an academic?

Don

What, you mean the FBI stuff? You don't seem to have a problem doing both.

Charlie

It's become increasingly difficult for me to be here in this bubble lecturing about set theory, knowing that there are real lives at risk, that there are real lives being lost out there.

Don

You know, Charlie, I've seen a lot of good agents burn out. You know, guys that just don't want to go home because they're afraid they'll miss something. What is... ( shuts scanner off ) I don't know about the whole destiny thing. You've had it pounded into your head since you were a kid. Why don't you just... do what you want on any given day? Okay? Just live a little.

Charlie

I don't know.

Don

Yeah, well, I do.

Amita

Hey. Am I interrupting something?

Don

No, I was just, uh, heading out, actually.

Amita

Good. 'Cause I need Charlie.

Don

All right. Congratulations. Uh, this is nicer than my apartment. See you later.

Charlie Eppes

You know what this whole year made crystal clear to me? You have no idea what your life's gonna look like in 5 years from now... or one year from now... or a week. It all turns on a dime... and the things that matter... you don't wanna turn around and realise you've lost... while you were waiting. You know I love you so much...

Amita Ramanujan

I love you too!

Charlie Eppes

[goes down on one knee] Amita... will you marry me?

Charlie Eppes

You know, in some circles I'm considered very funny.

Colby Granger

FBI circles?

Alan Eppes

What am I missing? Do I have to wait for Larry King?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

The royal astronomical society published a paper recalculating the demise of the earth and shortening it's lifespan considerably.

Charlie Eppes

We still got another 7,59 billion years.

Charlie Eppes

I began looking for answers in the desert. [picks up mini zen garden]

Don Eppes

That was on Larry's desk, right?

Charlie Eppes

He's got me babysitting it.

Amita Ramanujan

[comes into Charlie's office, closes the door and kisses him] This ring's got a funny effect on me.

Charlie Eppes

You closed the door.

Amita Ramanujan

Yes, I did.

Charlie Eppes

Did you lock the door? [Larry comes in]

Charlie Eppes

[talking about how they can trace a car by it's sound] Now, all we have to do is filter out L.A.'s other 11.999.999 cars.

Amita Ramanujan

And a little luck wouldn't hurt.

Amita Ramanujan

Tal Feigenbaum is easily as good a hacker as Augie.

Charlie Eppes

Yeah, he's probably trying to ... decode the backdoor, too.

Don Eppes

You know, what if he's not trying to hack Augie? I mean, what if he's trying to find him?

Amita Ramanujan

IRC. Internet Relay Chat. It's how hackers talk when they don't want to be overheard.

Charlie Eppes

It's a pretty primitive chat program.

Amita Ramanujan

Think of it like shipping channels in the ocean. You can't see them until a boat cuts through the water leaving a wake. If two boats meet in the middle of the ocean to swap a load of illegal drugs, you have to catch them in real time, otherwise there's no evidence of the meeting left behind.

Charlie Eppes

No names, no accounts, no records of exchange.

Don Eppes

Well, how do they see each other?

Amita Ramanujan

Online names.

Don Eppes

Okay, so what, we've got "the_fist", and, and ... what's Augie's?

Amita Ramanujan

[points at the website] "00zemeister". I'll set up an alarm to alert us if either name enters an IRC channel.

Don Eppes

Can we see what they're saying?

Amita Ramanujan

In leetspeak. Luckily, I speak leet.

Charlie Eppes

That's so hot!

Charlie Eppes

All right, Feigenbaum's online!

Nikki Betancourt

I'll get Don.

Charlie Eppes

What are they saying?

Amita Ramanujan

Okay. "I've got a surprise for you." "Funny, got one for you, too."

Don Eppes

You got a trace?

Charlie Eppes

Yeah, but they're probably bouncing around a hundred IPs. I mean, they'll be offline before we get a location.

Amita Ramanujan

"We should meet." "Ha ha. Touch my system and it will eat your young." Okay, that was Augie.

Don Eppes

Okay, so Feigenbaum wants to meet.

Charlie Eppes

Augie's rewriting his code.

Amita Ramanujan

Hey, you guys, wait. This is going to be over in a second.

Nikki Betancourt

Can we get a screenshot?

Amita Ramanujan

Got it!

Amita Ramanujan

You know, I've been thinking about what Buckley said... about honeymooning in Costa Rica.

Charlie Eppes

Depending on the time of year, lots of rain.

Amita Ramanujan

We'll bring umbrellas.

Charlie Eppes

Scorpions! They got scorpions down there that sleep in peoples shoes.

Amita Ramanujan

So we'll wear sandals.

Charlie Eppes

Very long flight.

Amita Ramanujan

Not if we take separate planes. [Don enters]

Amita Ramanujan

What do you think about Costa Rica?

Don Eppes

Ahm, I don't know. I hear they've got a lot of scorpions.

David Sinclair

[on stakeout with the team] So are you saying, we're here on a hunch?

Charlie Eppes

I wouldn't call it a hunch. It's a...

Amita Ramanujan

[whispers] An induction.

Charlie Eppes

It's an induction!

David Sinclair

So this whole stakeout here is based on evidence that basically guarantees we're gonna fail?