[Tony has taken his picture on his computer]
McGee: I'm not even going to ask.
Ziva: Allow me. [To Tony] What are you doing, Tony?
Tony: Best deep in thought face.
Ziva: I guess there's a first time for everything.
Tony: [As the computer displays his picture] Nailed it. All right, Strawdog24. Beat this one. [Puts it on the webpage] Yeah, baby.
McGee: [Reading the website name] Ibeatyou.com. The place to compete online with anyone at anything.
Tony: Yeah. It's very fun. Very addictive. Look at this guy. Best air guitar. Look at that guy. Best "do the Hustle." [McGee walks back to his desk] I mean, you name it, they got it.
Ziva: The Hustle?
Tony: The Hustle. Saturday Night Fever? Travolta. [Mimics dancing in his chair]
Ziva: [Laughs sarcastically] What is the point?
Tony: What is the point of any dance? It's about letting loose. It's, you know, having a good time.
Ziva: I meant the web site, Tony.
Tony: It's... fun. It is... amusement. Light-hearted pleasure.
Ziva: I know what you're doing. I know how to have fun, Tony.
Tony: Really? Do tell.
Ziva: The Hustling and the deep thinking photos. Those are all just, you know. Child's play. Tell him, McGee. [Tony looks over in McGee's direction, as does Ziva. Both look at him oddly] McGee?
[Cut to McGee making a contorted face]
McGee: [on the same web site] Uh, I'm just working on my best psycho face here.
Tony: It's not bad, Probie. Just need to work a little bit more with the eyebrow. See what I'm saying? [Holds his hand in front of McGee as he continues making the contorted look] See how that reads? See that?
McGee: [With contorted face] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Tony: That's what you want.
Gibbs: Would you two like some time alone together?

[Tony has trouble controlling his horse; it's turning in circles]
Tony: Uh oh, sheriff, I think he lost a contact.

[Tony is being interrogated. Flashback to a Navy ship, where an enormous sailor hopped up on methamphetamine is going berserk.]
Tony: You hit him high, I'll hit him low!
McGee: I don't like the sound of that...
Tony: You hit him low, I'll hit him high!
[They tackle the sailor.]
Tony: (v.o.) Our team consisted of a gang of four. My partner is Tim McGee: small muscles, big brain, heart of a lion. Together we're virtually unstoppable... virtually.
McGee: I got him... Tony, he's going for the knife!
[The sailor raises the knife, Gibbs appears and throws him to the ground, applying a choke hold with his boot that knocks the sailor out.]
Tony: (v.o.) Our team leader is the fearless Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Former Gunnery Sergeant, Marine sniper, coffee afficianado, and functional mute.
McGee: (panting) Piece of cake.
Tony: (panting) Yep, easy as pie.

[Tony is carrying a dead rat through the abandoned ship.]
Tony: Yes, Alex, I'll take "Horror Movies That Take Place On Ships" for $500. [The lights go out] Oh, goody. Double Jeopardy.

[Tony is hiding in a shower cubicle in a secret attempt to read Gibbs' invitation. Ziva realizes this and pulls the curtain back on him.]
Ziva: Tony.
Tony: Ziva.
Ziva: You're in the women's shower fully clothed and you are holding Gibbs' mail.
Tony: What's your point?
Ziva: That letter's not for you to read.
Tony: I know, but there's so many questions to be answered. The happiest day in someone's life and they need Leroy Jethro Gibbs there to seal the deal? Doesn't make any sense.
Ziva: Right, so be honest. Surely you would Gibbs there at your wedding?
Tony: I don't know if a head slap coming down the aisle is the ideal Kodak moment.

[Tony is in a jail cell, going crazy rambling about his case]
Tony: You know, I've been thinking. I'm a federal prosecutor's dream.
[...]
Tony: Because I'm angry, and I'm immature, and I like control!
[...]
Tony: Yes, I ripped a glove at the scene. It seems a little sloppy for a federal agent who investigates crime scenes, but, you know, those are the breaks when you're a homicidal maniac dumping butchered women's remains out in the woods in the middle of the night! Right?
[...]
Tony: I'm not getting out of this one, am I, boss?
[Gibbs gestures him over, then slaps him upside the head]
Tony: Thank you, boss.

[Tony is protecting Abby from gunfire]
Tony: (lying on top of Abby) Are you hit?
Abby: (gasping) No... You're heavy!
Tony: Sorry.
Abby: (feeling his leg) My god, no wonder you're so heavy, Tony, you're all muscle!
Tony: Abby, shhh!!
Abby: You're packing a nice booty too!
Tony: Hey! Is this how you deal with getting shot at?
Abby: I don't know, it's my first time.

[Tony looks pensively at Ziva's desk]
McGee: So, where is she?
Tony: [starts] Who?
McGee: Tony, Ziva's been gone since Thursday.
Tony: Oh! Ziva. Gosh, I hadn't noticed.
McGee: You are lying.
Tony: McGoo, I have better things to do than obsess about the whereabouts of our little miss fancy-pants Ziva.
McGee: Like what?
Tony: Well, for starters, there's lunch. Today I'm picking falafel.
McGee: Tony.
Tony: All right. She spent the weekend with him.
McGee: Who?
Tony: The sire of South Beach. The king of Key West. The man with the mister -- I'm running out of things to call him.
Tony: She won't even tell us his name.

[Tony moves toward a sleeping Ziva with a Magic Marker.]
Ziva: Touch me and die.

[Tony shoots a drinking straw wrapper at Ziva]
Ziva: Don't you have paperwork, DiNozzo?
Tony: What do you think I'm doing? I take the paper, and I make it work. [shoots another wrapper]

[Tony, digging through Ziva's desk, has just discovered a "Movies for Dummies" book]
Tony: Ah-ha!
Ziva: [snatches it out of his hand] I have killed for less.
Tony: You cheated!
Ziva: I did not.
Tony: This is a book about movies. I bet you didn't even see those movies. You just read this book.
Ziva: I like books.
Tony: I like movies.
Ziva: Do not quote books, I will not quote movies.
Tony: What if it's a book that's been turned into a movie?

[Tony, Kate, and Gibbs are sitting in wait against their car after Gibbs claims he saw a bomb in the house they were searching]
Tony: Are you sure it was a bomb, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Yes, DiNozzo. For the last time... I'm sure it was a bomb.
Tony: If you say so. EOD sure taking their sweet time getting here.
[Van arrives with Ducky and Gerald]
Ducky: Sorry we're late. Gerald got us lost several times.
Gerald: Me? You had the map.
Gibbs: We have our own problems here, Ducky.
Ducky: Yeah, I can see that. FBI take over our crime scene again?
Kate: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb.
Gibbs: [annoyed] What do you mean 'thought'?
Kate: Do I really have to say it?
Gibbs: Say what?
Ducky: Yes, Kate. Say what?
Kate: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy?
[behind them, the house suddenly explodes, sending everyone exclaiming to the ground]
Gibbs: [slowly lifting his head] Sorry. I didn't quite catch that last part...

[Tony, Ziva and McGee are discussing which dog to get as Gibbs walks past]
Gibbs: How about an Australian Shepherd. They're working dogs.

[Tony, Ziva and McGee start to get up to help Gibbs]
Gibbs: Siiiiiit. [they slowly sit back down] Stay. [smiles and walks off] Roll over.

[Tony, Ziva, and Burley have arrived back at NCIS, and are stepping out of the elevator. The squad room is full, with the entire staff staring at the NCIS Most Wanted wall.]
Gibbs: Listen up!
[He moves towards the top spot on the wall, Osama bin Laden, who has had a red line through his photo for the last year, indicating his death.]
Gibbs: For attacks against the United States Navy: Harper Dearing. [He pastes Dearing's photo over top bin Laden.] Let's go! We've got work to do.