[using a computer program that predicts the features of a couple's children, Tony and Abby combine Gibbs and Jenny and produce a hypothetical daughter.]
Tony: Wow... even with Gibbs as a father, I'd date her.
Gibbs: Never more than once, DiNozzo.
Abby: Aw, you and the Director make nice Gibblets, Gibbs.

[Vivian is reading Rabb his rights]
Rabb: I know my Article 31 rights, and I waive them.
[she continues reading them]
Rabb: I said I waive them.
Gibbs: She used to be FBI.

[Watching Gibbs conduct an interrogation]
Tony: I think Gibbs enjoys this more than sex.
Kate: That would explain the three wives.

[While Tony and Ziva are on stakeout, Ziva thinks Tony is asleep behind his sunglasses. Mischievously, she begins to tip her water bottle over his crotch...]
Tony: Do it and die, Amadeus.

[Ziva and McGee are focused at his computer and grinning as Tony walks in]
Ziva: [chuckles] Aw, not bad....
McGee: Look at this one... you're gonna love this guy.
Ziva: Yeah, he would not be safe with me... I would eat him.
McGee: He's so adorable! How can you say no to that face...
Ziva: [chuckles]
Tony: Please tell me you're looking for a man for Ziva.
Ziva: [gives him a stare] Not me.
Tony: Oh! [wanders over] McGoo... is there something you wanna tell me?
McGee: Looking at animal rescue sites.
Ziva: McGee is thinking about getting a puppy.
Tony: Puppy's a lot of work. You gotta feed it, walk it, train it...
McGee: Yeah, I'm not twelve, alright. I work hard. I deserve someone that will jump up, all excited when I get home, you know. Lay on the couch, watch TV. Maybe lick my face a little bit...
Ziva: [exchanges amused looks with him and chuckles]
Tony: Might be easier getting a girlfriend.
Ziva: [gives him a distasteful look] Ehh.
McGee: Which might be even easier with a puppy. [Tony gets a look on his face, slowly meeting McGee's gaze] Even for you.
Tony: I'm not ready to start taking tips on this from you yet, probie.
McGee: Tony, I think it's time you get back on that horse.
Ziva: [looks confused] Are you getting a pony?
Tony: It's an adage.
Ziva: I am not familiar with that breed.
Tony: Yeah, well they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a pegasus and a unicorn.
Tony: So, what's the favorite?
Ziva: [annoyed] The Pit Bull.
Tony: Yeah, that makes sense for you, actually. Not really for McGee. He seems more like a Spaniel kind of guy. Cocker, maybe?

[Ziva and Tony are watching probie agents attending an autopsy.]
Ziva: We had this same test at Mossad. If you fail, they terminate you.
Tony: How do you fail an autopsy?
[One of the probies vomits.]
Ziva: By doing that. What happens if you fail here?
Gibbs: [Walking in] Well, it depends, Officer David. Some of them go on to become our Director.

[Ziva confronts Tony in the men's room]
Tony: You know, I saw this on Cinemax once.
Ziva: So what happens now?
Tony: They play some funky music and you say, "I have been watching you from afar."
Ziva: Well, I've been watching you from afar, Tony, which is why I know how much you cared for Jeanne.
Tony: Oh, your timing is impeccable, Ziva.
Ziva: And how much it hurt when she left. So, what happens now?
Tony: I said I'm fine.
Ziva: You are not fine. You are still deeply troubled.
Tony: Even if I was, this bothers you because...?
Ziva: Because you are my partner. And because you made a grave error in judgment falling in love with that girl.
Tony: If this is a pep-talk, I give you a D-minus.
Ziva: And right now, it is very clear you are still hanging onto her.
Tony: I see the confusion. These are called "feelings," Ziva.
Ziva: Feelings you need to let go.
Tony: That easy, huh?
Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time, to leave your entire life behind for her? You did not think this through.
Tony: Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?
Ziva: No. Actually, I didn't.
Tony: Well, it does.
Ziva: Well, it shouldn't.
Tony: Really. This coming from the woman who fell in love with the dead man walking.
Ziva: You crossed the line, Tony.
Tony: Oh, I crossed the line?

[Ziva escapes her cuffs and subdues the obnoxious Security Officer, aiming her gun at him.]
Tony: Nobody's going to shoot anyone. Right, Officer David?
Ziva: He called me a dirtbag.
Security Officer: [whimpering] I'm sorry, ma'am.
Ziva: [angrier] "Ma'am"?
[Tony facepalms]

[Ziva has come down to Autopsy to see if there is any new discoveries pertaining to the death of a suspect she accidentally killed in the elevator.]
Ducky: And you probably shouldn't be down here.
Ziva: I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be in the field, can you please 'please' tell me where I should be?
Ducky: Well, I can understand your feelings of alienation.
Ziva: Everyone's avoiding me! Do they think I am just going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone?! I mean, I am being treated like a leopard.
Ducky: I believe the phrase is 'like a leper'.

[Ziva has gone to see Gibbs in the hospital. She walks in and he is asleep. When she walks over he grabs her arm and gets out of the bed. She starts telling him about some of the things he doesn't remember. She ends up telling him about Ari and Kate.]
Ziva: Ari...... Ari killed Kate! And I...... I killed Ari! [she starts crying]
Gibbs: Your brother? You killed your brother to save me?
Ziva: [crying] Yes.
[Gibbs glares at her, frustrated]
Ziva: See? That's it!
Gibbs: That's what?!
Ziva: The old Gibbs stare!
[Gibbs continues to look frustrated. Ziva grabs his hand and uses it to head-slap herself]
[Gibbs hugs her as his memory returns and she cries]

[Ziva is confusing Tony as they talk at the crime scene.]
Tony: We've gotta figure out what he was doing here.
Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
Tony: Doing what with?
Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
Tony: [confused look] Done... what?
Ziva: Done!
Ducky: In, my dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English?
Tony: Not this queen.

[Ziva is snoring incessantly.]
Tony: (mutters) Crazy chick...
Ziva: (sleepily) I heard that, my little Hairy Butt.

[Ziva is teaching knife throwing. Tony off to the side is eating Froot Loops and smirking]
Ziva: At Mossad we have a saying: Knives don't run out of bullets. Now, any questions pertaining to this class?
Tony: I've got one. You ever killed anyone with a spoon?
Ziva: No, but I am seriously considering it.

[McGee is upset that Tony still calls him 'Probie']
Gibbs: McGee, how long have I been an NCIS Special agent?
McGee: Almost... sixteen years.
Gibbs: Wanna take a wild guess at what my first partner still calls me?