[talking about the man the hooker picked up] Personally I think she could have done better.
Come what?
The jack she is with is gross.
You mean "john?"
You know him?
[shakes head] Oh my God.
S5 E12Stakeout
Tony still has not gotten me back for the binoculars.
I thought you two shook on it, no more practical jokes.
Do you trust DiNozzo?
Point well taken.
Demonstration for Gibbs. You know how hard it is to explain technical stuff to him.
Yeah, good thinking. It's like every time I try to explain something science-y his eyes glaze over and he gives me that 'will you shut up and get to the point?' look. [nervous pause] He's behind me, isn't he?
No.
NJNikki Jardine
Um, Ziva? I don't know if I should say anything or not, but I saw Tony putting something under your car --
What? When?
NJNikki Jardine
What, I don't know. When? This morning.
Ha! I told you, I told you he could not be trusted! [rushes out]
Was Tony really messing with her car?
NJNikki Jardine
No. Tony just told me to tell Ziva that when I saw her.
[McGee is walking along the street wearing an earpiece. Tony is watching him from an apartment speaking to him through the earpiece.]
Pusher's back.
I'm starvin' like Lee Marvin, McGee! What's taking you so long?
Just making another deal.
We're here to find out who stole Navy radar. Stash kid across the street, he's not our problem unless he's pushing steak and cheese hoagies.
I'm a sworn federal agent, Tony. Not gonna stand by and watch a felony go down.
[sarcastically] That's a good idea. Blow our stakeout over a $50 crack sale. If Gibbs doesn't slap you silly I will.
Oh, you're gonna slap me?
[Unknown to McGee, a hooker is behind him listening.]
HHooker
If that's what you want, honey.
[McGee turns around, stunned.]
[observing McGee through binoculars] Go for it, McFreaky. Goldilocks is just your type.
[to Tony, annoyed] Bite me.
HHooker
[puts her hands all over McGee] That'll be extra.
[McGee steps back and is nearly run over by a car. Tony, still watching through the binoculars, laughs at him.]
DSDet. Sparr
Gibbs always throws soft balls?
I've seen him make a 300-pound drill instructor cry.
S5 E13Dog Tags
Who would shoot this cute little dog? Look at you... [realizing, she turns around and glares at McGee]
It was self-defense. It-it was self-defense!
You shot that cute little dog?!
He's not cute and little! He's, he's vicious and large!
[The dog whines piteously.]
How could you shoot an innocent animal, McGee?!
Abby, that dog is not innocent, he killed someone!
Dogs don't kill people! People kill people!
People with dogs that kill people kill people!
[Abby grabs McGee's jacket and cuddles the dog.]
You're wrapping the dog in my jacket?! My Hugo Boss jacket?! Abby, there's evidence on there...!
If you think that I can't distinguish the fibers on your stupid jacket from the evidence on the dog, you don't know me, McGee! And right now, I don't want to know you! [to the dog, kindly] Good dog. [to McGee, angrily] Bad McGee!
(To the dog) Who's a good Jethro?
(Enters Abby's lab, she doesn't see) I'm a good Jethro.
Don't be mad, be flattered. He's just so strong and handsome and silent, so I decided to call him Jethro.
Boss, we've already been through all of this! I mean, I got no leads, Ziva's flirted with every seaman on the base, and McGee's watched a hundred hours of Petty Officer Junction.
Hundred and fifty, actually.
[McGee and a dog handler come down to pick up Jethro, to find Abby has locked herself and Jethro in her office with loud music on, ignoring them. McGee is still trying to nudge the glass door open and get her attention as Jethro growls]
Pay no attention to them, Jethro.
(sighs) Abby, open the door. (no response) Jethro has to go now... Abby!
I can't hear you, McGee!
If you can't hear me, why did you answer?
[Abby frowns and gets up to turn the music up louder, then turns to face them.]
I am not opening the door until Jethro is proven innocent!
Abby, do not make a scene!
Too late, McGee! I am in full scene mode!
You can't stay in there forever.
[indicating a large container of Caf-Pow] I'm fully stocked on both Caf-Pow... [indicating a bag of dog food] ...and kibble. I'm good for at least a few days. (Jethro barks)
Jethro is fine. I'm taking up a collection for flowers.
Why would I give flowers to a dog who attacked me?
Maybe because dog is man's best friend. Or maybe because I am a forensic scientist and I can boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.
[McGee quickly puts money in the container]
(seeing McGee drive in) Hey McGee! (seeing the bandage on his neck and hand) Oh my god! What happened to you?
I was attacked by a vicious dog.
Are you okay? (pulling at the bandage to see his wounds)
Yeah, careful, careful.
Sorry, did you provoke it?
(as she re-places the bandage) If you consider serving a warrant "provoking"!
What happened to the dog?
He was shot!
What? (gasps, opens the back door and sees the dog muzzled with his legs tied) McGee! Poor thing!
(as she un-clips the ties and takes off the muzzle) Abby? Abby! Careful that is one vicious dog!
Hi. (as the dog licks her hands) Yeah, McGee, he's really "vicious"!
Well, Ducky and Jimmy sedated him, hoping you can get some evidence off of him.
There, that's better. Who would shoot this cute little dog? Aw, look at you... [realizing, she turns around and glares at McGee]
It was self-defense. It-it was self-defense!
You shot that cute little dog?!
He's not cute and little! He's, he's vicious and large!
[The dog whines piteously.]
How could you shoot an innocent animal, McGee?!
Abby, that dog is not innocent, he killed someone!
Dogs don't kill people! People kill people!
People with dogs that kill people kill people!
You didn't kill anyone, did you? No.
[Abby grabs McGee's jacket and cuddles the dog.]
(as Abby whips his jacket off his shoulders) That's my Hugo Boss! Hey! Don't you think that you're compromising the evidence with my $500 jacket?
If you think that I can't distinguish the fibers on your stupid jacket from the evidence on the dog, you don't know me, McGee! And right now, I don't want to know you! [to the dog, kindly] Good dog. [to McGee, angrily] Bad McGee!
(as Jethro barks) The dog should have a muzzle on it Abby.
Put a muzzle on yourself, McGee. It's not like he shot you!
Or maybe it's another one of his victims and he's confessing.
Or maybe it's his lunch.
Only if he was a cannibal, Jethro.
[Jethro (the dog), barks twice.]
I wasn't talking to you. And you may want to cover your eyes. (to Gibbs) What's here is not human... it's canine.
[Jethro whines pitifully and Abby covers his eyes.]
He doesn't look too good, does he?
You think it's because he knows he's on death row? That would put a damper on anyone's spirits.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.