NCIS quotes

Tony

When you're dealing with a guy on the run, you gotta climb inside his head, think his thoughts. What would he do? Where would he go?

McGee

Did one armed man murder his wife?

Tony

Would he dress up like a clown and join a traveling circus, like Jimmy Stewart in The Greatest Show on Earth?

Ziva

Do any of your ideas come from reality?

Tony

Sure. Just not your reality.

Ziva

Could you try to zero in on Werth's reality?

Tony

Considering the dude skipped the looney bin, maybe a little bit of non-linear fuzzy logic is the key to tracking him.

McGee

Maybe he was accused of a crime he didn't commit and is trying to promptly escape to the Los Angeles underground.

Tony

[stares at McGee] He's not The A-Team, McGee.

Gibbs

You got yourself in a mess, Corporal. Gonna have to get yourself out of it. What seems to be the problem? [hunches down and bellows directly into Werth's ear] WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?

[snaps upright] I want to kill someone, sir!

Gibbs

Anyone in particular?

Anyone will do, sir!

Gibbs

Does that feel right to you, son?

No, sir. It does not. I'm not right, sir. But it's not my fault.

Gibbs

All you care about is selling the war.

You don't support the war?

Gibbs

I support the men fighting it.

Tony

[alarmed] She's pulling a Pulp Fiction...

McGee

[alarmed] On the Hulk!

Tony

I'm sorry, but the correct answer is Full Metal Jacket.

Ziva

That is not the best Marine movie. A Few Good Men is.

Tony

Based on the fact that I am right, I'm overruling you.

McGee

I'll flip you for it.

Ziva

If I flip you, you will get hurt.

Tony

[whispers] You can take her, McGee.

Tony

[watching Langer leave] What an ass.

Ziva

[looking down admiringly] Yes, indeed.

Tony

You're Langer-leering. You're leering at Langer.

Ziva

Why not? He's cute.

Tony

He -- he's not cute, he's --

Ziva

[puts her finger over Tony's mouth] Shh. Don't speak.

Tony

[impressed] Bullets Over Broadway. Woody Allen.

Ziva

Very good, Tony. You get a B in my class.

Tony

I could teach your class.

Ziva

I spent my summers in Haifa.

[Picks up the tea she has offered him] You make it Arab-style, huh? Strong.

Ziva

I like it strong.

You like Muslims.

Ziva

Yes.

May I ask why? I don't mean to offend, I'm simply curious.

Ziva

Growing up in Israel I had a friend who was Muslim. We were very close.

Are you still close?

Ziva

He was killed. When I was twelve.

There's been too much death.

Ziva

I agree.

Tony

Ah-ha!

Ziva

[snatches it out of his hand] I have killed for less.

Tony

You cheated!

Ziva

I did not.

Tony

This is a book about movies. I bet you didn't even see those movies. You just read this book.

Ziva

I like books.

Tony

I like movies.

Ziva

Do not quote books, I will not quote movies.

Tony

What if it's a book that's been turned into a movie?

Ziva

Tony! Your power of observation is unearthly. Now leave me alone!

Ziva

I'm taking it because it is the best way to pick up American colloquialism, like "Bug off!"

McGee

Alright, then we’ll flip for it.

Ziva

If I flip you, you will get hurt.

Tony

[whispers] You can take her, Probie.

Gibbs

Have I come at a bad time?

Jethro! [he and Gibbs hug while Jenny stares at them] How are you?

Gibbs

How'd they let you in here, newbie?

Ah man, it's been a long time.

Jenny

You two know each other. How nice.

Gibbs

Taught him everything he's forgotten.

I thought you retired.

Gibbs

I tried.

Ah, well, you look good, old man. Hey, listen sorry about our inconvenient convergence here.

Gibbs

What?

[Jenny stares at him] Gibbs used to fine me for every $3 word I used.

Jenny

How much?

$3 a word.

Gibbs

You owe me six.

See? [hands some dollar bills to Gibbs]

Jenny

Marines?

No, actually I started here. Gibbs took me under his wing and then proceeded to crush me.

Gibbs

[smiles] Nothing you didn't deserve.

Left me with no choice but to crawl over to the FBI.

Gibbs

Yeah! And they actually hired you!

Yeah, can you believe that?

Gibbs

Get him.

Tony

Got him.

McGee

Good.

Tony

Ah-ha!

Ziva

[snatches it out of his hand] I have killed for less.

Tony

You cheated.

Ziva

I did not.

Tony

Yes you did! That is a book about movies! I bet you never saw all those movies. You just read the book.

Ziva

I like books.

Tony

I like movies.

Ziva

Do not quote books, I will not quote movies.

Tony

What if it’s a book that’s been made into a movie?

Tony

Any good tips? On the case?

You're here because I didn't return your call.

Tony

It would have been nice, yeah.

Well, when I'm in the middle of an investigation, I don't return social calls.

Tony

What makes you think it was social?

The way you stared at my ass the other day.

Tony

How do you know my interest in your ass wasn't purely professional?