You guys okay?
Oh, yeah, we're peachy. I am dealing with my boat phobia, Tony is dealing with his rat phobia and Ziva is dealing with her ghost phobia.
So, what's Gibbs dealing with?
Them.
S5 E6Chimera
I knew it. I'm gonna die. I inhaled it. God! Definitely didn't picture my demise like this. I always figured I'd go out like Cagney in White Heat. Fiery explosion. Or Redford and Newman. Butch Cassidy. Hail of bullets.
Or Charlie Chaplin in The Gold Rush.
How'd he die?
Silently.
[Tony is carrying a dead rat through the abandoned ship.]
Yes, Alex, I'll take "Horror Movies That Take Place On Ships" for $500. [The lights go out] Oh, goody. Double Jeopardy.
[McGee stumbles and falls backwards]
Steady Probie.
Tell that to my stomach.
[crouches down] Steady Probie's stomach.
So this whole thing was a Russian black ops mission to recover their nuke?
So pirates that weren't really pirates were actually Russian sailors who were on a covert mission to steal a Navy research ship that wasn't actually a Navy research ship in order to get back nuclear weapons that we thought they didn't think we had retrieved?
[smiles] Uh-huh.
You were right, Ziva. There is someone on board.
Not him. There's someone alive. I can feel it.
A lion-headed dragon goat?
Maybe.
S5 E7Requiem
She knew.
Reads Gibbs like a book.
Short read, not a lot of dialogue.
Your kind of book.
Are you suggesting I don't read?
I think she's suggesting you only look at the pictures, Tony.
Soldier of fortune's about to become a soldier of misfortune.
Dogs of war about to taste the hair of the dogs.
Any idea where he's going?
No.
Hazard a guess?
Well, he took his badge and his gun, maybe he's going to shoot someone.
Sergeant Haas comes back from Iraq, and the first thing he does is try to move in with a girl he's dated twice. Why?
He's a man.
What does she have that he does not?
A bed.
S5 E8Designated Target
[on the phone] No, no, no, it's not you, it's just... well, you know, these things run their course, and, ah... well, you, you must accept--
Personal call, David?
Yes. Go away!
Somebody being dumped?
Oh - how do you tell someone you no longer want to see them?
Easy. [grabs Ziva's phone] Listen, dirtbag, this is Ziva's husband. I have your phone number now, I can find your address; if you ever try to contact her again, I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head! Lose this number or lose your life! [hangs up, hands the phone back to Ziva] You're welcome.
That was my Aunt Nettie from Tel Aviv. She was trying to stop seeing her eighty-six-year-old mah jong partner.
Why didn't you stop me?
Too stunned.
Where do I send flowers?
If you communicate with her again, I will kill you.
[after Gibbs dope-slaps him] You know, repeated head trauma causes brain damage.
Explains a lot.
Is this side of my head bigger?
Yes. But so is the other side.
You're xenophobic.
No, I'm not Xena-phobic. It's one of my favorite shows. Leather skirts, lesbian sword-fighting, female empowerment. But maybe I'm a little Ziva-phobic.
Do you ever think about soulmates?
They were on Decca, right? Big hit, mid-'70s? Sort of a disco thing? Sing a few bars, I'll get it.
You'll never get it.
Abby, what do I do? It's like, I'm nuts for this girl, you know? And she's just... nuts.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.