Ziva: So this is where you have been for the past few months
Tony: Yes, just like the squad room, only I am the squad and there is no room.

Ziva: That's Ares?
Tony: According to McGeek. Ziva watch the road!
Ziva: I have great peripheral vision.
Tony: My sphincter doesn't.
Ziva: At least we won't have trouble finding it.
Tony: Really?
Ziva: Tony, it's the size of an ATM!

Ziva: The boy has remarkable memory. There's also someone here from Social Security to pick him up.
Gibbs: Services, Ziva. Social Security is for older people.
Ziva: Noted.

Ziva: The target's name was Abdul Wazir. A Syrian wanted for crimes against the state of Israel. Terminated by this man, Mossad Officer Namir Eschel, my former teammate when I was stationed in Paris.
Gibbs: Who's supposed to be dead.
Ziva: Apparently he's gotten better.

Ziva: There is no doubt in my mind you will get that confession, McGee.
McGee: [looks from her to Tony and smiles] Thank you, Ziva. [leaves]
Tony: He's toast, isn't he?
Ziva: Oh, yes. Burnt toast.

Ziva: They owed me a favor.
McGee: How many people owe you a favor?
Ziva: How many dates has Tony in a month?

Ziva: Things are bad enough for NCIS as it is, Tony. You can't --
Tony: [interrupting] I don't remember asking your opinion, Officer David.
Ziva: You see? He's been completely insufferable since you left.
Gibbs: That true, Tony?
Tony: When I need to be.
Gibbs: Yeah? Maybe you were the right man for the job.

Ziva: This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack
Tony: Needle in a haystack.
Ziva: I like my description better.

Ziva: This is killing me. I feel like I know him.
Tony: Mossad?
Ziva: Maybe.
Tony: Internet dating?
Ziva: I will kill you eighteen different ways with this paperclip.

Ziva: This reminds me of the forests I used to have fun in as a child.
Tony: I find that hard to believe.
Ziva: What, that Israel had forests?
Tony: No, that you had fun as a child.
Ziva: [laughs] Oh, sure. My father used to blindfold us, take us to the middle of the forest, and then we had to find our way out by ourselves.
Tony: I stand corrected.

Ziva: Tony still has not gotten me back for the binoculars.
McGee: I thought you two shook on it, no more practical jokes.
Ziva: Do you trust DiNozzo?
McGee: Point well taken.

Ziva: Was no secret he was writing about us.
Tony: Oh, come on, it's not about us. I mean the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart?
Ziva: And the memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen?
Tony: Yeah. Where's he gettin' that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets?
Ziva: When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis?
Tony: Yeah, I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming? I don't even know what that is.
Ziva: Yeah, totally unrealistic.
Tony: Would never happen.
[awkward silence]

Ziva: We could have made it.
Tony: The needle is below E, E stands for empty, we have less than empty, and we don't even know where it is!
Ziva: We could have made it.
Ziva and Tony: [at same time] What!
Tony: slightly annoyed, gets out of the car and starts pumping gas Why don't you make yourself useful?
Ziva: What?
Tony: I said, why don't you make yourself useful?
Ziva: What do you want me to do? Hold your nozzle?
Tony: Get us a map [Ziva makes a face, gets out of the car and starts walking to the store] ...And some white powder doughnuts and the blue ice gatorade. [she pauses, smacks her ass and keeps walking without turning around.]

Ziva: We've been barking up the wrong tree the entire investigation.
Tony: Bush.
Ziva: Sorry. Barking up the wrong... bush?
Tony: [grins] Tree.

Ziva: What are you doing?
Tony: I'm in the middle of a very serious negotiation.
Ziva: On McGee's computer?
Tony: I know where you're going with this, and the answer is yes.
Ziva: And what's the question?
Tony: Have I no shame?