[to Jeanne after discussing their relationship] If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got. And while what I got had its perks, I'm looking for something different now.
S4 E9Twisted Sister
Sara do you remember the last time you had a few drinks?
SSara
No.
That's the point you can't drink. Last time you had a few too many you painted "bitch" on Katie Hutchinson's garage.
SSara
I would've done that sober, that bitch stole my boyfriend.
S4 E10Smoked
[to Ziva] You know, McGee is really starting to nail your essence, here; '[in a low voice from McGee's book] Stakeouts. Long, endless hours fueled by cheap food and even cheaper coffee, but tonight Mossad Officer Lisa didn't seem to mind, because she was getting to spend it with Agent Tom... You're behind me again, aren't you?
Lucky guess. [Tony grunts] You know, I think McGee is right.
He was, was he.
It takes almost all of my willpower to resist the urges I have when I'm around you, Tony. Maybe, it's about time I just... give in, yes?
And by "give in", you mean...
Letting loose! Doing what comes naturally to me.
Yeah, I thought I was picking up that vibe the first time we went undercover together.
You were? In fact, I almost did it the first night in the hotel room.
Mhhm. Really?
But my father would not approve.
Because I'm not Jewish?
[laughing] Because gets very angry when I kill a co-worker.
Ha! Like I believed you for even a second.
I'm sure you didn't.
You two done playing grab-ass?
Oh, he started it!
I'm ending it.
Abby, they hate me.
They don't hate you, McGee.
Ziva tried to kill me yesterday.
Well, you did base all of the characters in your book on us, and you didn't ask our permission.
Deep Six is a work of pure fiction!
You described everything in my bedroom.
Not everything. Do you still have those...?
[Abby's computer beeps.]
Ah-ah. Fantasize later, Hemingway.
Before you go, Fornell, there is one thing...
Come with me Tobias, I want to show you something.
You've got that moustache in a box, don't you?
[Tony and Ziva are at the front of the truck, Ziva is driving and McGee is the back seat]
Comfortable back there Gore Vidal?
For the last time, Deep Six is fiction.
Fiction based on us, yes?
No! Look, if you don't believe me, read the disclaimer in the front of the book.
You buying that, Lisa? [Ziva does the "evil laugh"] Didn't think so. [straps on seat belt] Nice knowing you, Probie.
Ziva?
[Ziva starts the truck and hits full speed. McGee falls off his seat]
It's just a book!!
CContractor
Reminds me of that urban legend.
Which one is that?
CContractor
Guy dresses up like Santa, you know, for Christmas Eve to surprise his girlfriend but he never shows. She's convinced that the bastard dumped her, badmouths him all over town.
Until they find the poor soul's body months later, still clutching the little box with her shiny new engagement ring. And the moral of course is...
Never a good idea to get married.
No, it's best not to judge someone until all the facts are in.
I like mine better.
[Gibbs is leaving the crime scene and passes by McGee]
What happened to you?
Creative differences with my co-workers Boss.
Lot of that going around these days.
[...]
[glares at McGee] Bag and tag the ashes Probie. We'll pick you up after we coordinate with the MPs.
[Tony and Ziva leave]
Doctor, I'm going to be laying the bag out here and the burrito over here.
Palmer, I need a favor.
You want a ride back with us.
How'd you know?
I read your book. And for your information, I never had sexual relations with a corpse!
That character was not based on you.
His name was Pimmy Jalmer, McGee!
Well, he's French Polynesian.
[McGee is rambling using technical terms]
McGee, less talk, more the computer chip doo-dah.
Working with the doo-dah, Boss.
Doo-dah?
Yeah, it's a technical term, Tobias, you wouldn't understand.
It amazes me how the truly sick ones are always the best liked. Pillars of the community.
They're successful because they blend in, Tobias. They go to church, they coach Little League baseball.
I was part of the team that nailed Bundy, Gibbs. I'm familiar with sick, charming bastards.
[smiles] That's probably why we get along so well.
I'll get over it. No hard feelings Jethro?
Nope. Just need you to look at something before you leave.
You've got that moustache in a box, don't you?
Wow, my mom always told me big things come in small packages.
MMarty
What a coincidence. Mine always warned me about tattooed girls bearing samples.
S4 E11Driven
WWoman
From the video presentation it's clear that sexual harassment can take many forms in the workplace. A coworker with elevator eyes looking you up and down, a coworker shows you a cartoon or photo of a sexual nature.
If you're lucky.
WWoman
A coworker's hand accidentally brushes up against your body.
If you're really lucky.
WWoman
Physical contact can be divided into three categories. Green light includes normal behavior. Yellow light includes borderline behavior such as hugging someone...
[Abby raises her hand.]
WWoman
Yes?
What's wrong with hugging people? I hug people all the time.
WWoman
You may see it as friendly, but your coworkers may find it offensive.
You guys get offended when I hug you?!
[everyone mutters no]
[happily] I am hugging you all in my mind right now.
WWoman
DOD policy is very clear about this point, miss. You must first ask permission before making physical contact with a coworker.
Like, every time?
WWoman
Yes. Finally there's red light behavior such as deliberate unwelcome touching.
Ziva leans forward and licks Tony's ear and neck, causing him to stand up in suprise.]
WWoman
Another question?
Uh, yeah. If you slap someone on the back of the head like this... [slaps McGee's head, McGee slaps back] would that be considered inappropriate behavior?
WWoman
Absolutely. Are you saying that this has actually happened?
[Jenny looks at Gibbs. Gibbs shares a look with Tony.]
...No. Just wondering, that's all.
[Palmer raises his hand.]
WWoman
Yes?
What if your job includes touching, ah, naked people...
WWoman
That is inappropriate at any time.
Even if they're dead?
WWoman
[sternly] Why are you touching dead naked people?!
Well, I work in autopsy...
You attacked the car?
The car tried to kill Abby!
I found it, Abby. I found how they got in.
How'd you know I was here?
Oh, uh, I, uh... didn't. Look, Abby, I'm really sor--
I know. [pauses, then comes up behind McGee and hugs him]
I though you were supposed to ask first.
Never with you, Tim.
[McGee puts his hand over hers.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.