Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[The opening credits, and the crew are speculating on the source of H.A.R.M.]
Mike: Oh, that stands for Huge Angular Red Marshmallows.
Crow: Hirsute Astronauts Revile Massachusetts
Servo: Heuristic Analog Rental Meat.
. . .
[Adam Chance karate-chops a piece of wood while a beautiful female student watches.]
Mike [as Adam]: Solid balsawood, baby!
. . .
[After tumbling with the woman and firing into a target, he shows her the deadly results.]
Adam: This could've been you, and don't you forget it! Better go back to the judo range.
Mike: The judo range?
. . .
Servo [as Adam]: Meet me at the karate rink later.
. . .
[Adam turns to his pupil as he leaves on a motorcycle.]
Adam: Judo range!
Crow [as Adam]: Then go practice your skeet kendo and bring your aikido rifle, too.
Mike [as Student]: Gotta get into my judo bikini.
Mike: Oh, that stands for Huge Angular Red Marshmallows.
Crow: Hirsute Astronauts Revile Massachusetts
Servo: Heuristic Analog Rental Meat.
. . .
[Adam Chance karate-chops a piece of wood while a beautiful female student watches.]
Mike [as Adam]: Solid balsawood, baby!
. . .
[After tumbling with the woman and firing into a target, he shows her the deadly results.]
Adam: This could've been you, and don't you forget it! Better go back to the judo range.
Mike: The judo range?
. . .
Servo [as Adam]: Meet me at the karate rink later.
. . .
[Adam turns to his pupil as he leaves on a motorcycle.]
Adam: Judo range!
Crow [as Adam]: Then go practice your skeet kendo and bring your aikido rifle, too.
Mike [as Student]: Gotta get into my judo bikini.
[The opening title and copyright information only appear for a few seconds.]
Crow: Hey, I didn't finish!
Crow: Hey, I didn't finish!
[The opening title appears over a CGI computer chip]
Crow: This is like NFL graphics here.
Mike: [imitates the "NFL on Fox" theme song]
Crow: This is like NFL graphics here.
Mike: [imitates the "NFL on Fox" theme song]
[The opening title of the movie shows: Prince of Space.]
Mike: I'm in space already! Damn!
Mike: I'm in space already! Damn!
[The pastor talked earlier about how all his parishioners are "accident-haters". We see a shot of a sad little girl sitting on the steps of a church immediately following a funeral.]
Crow [as Little Girl]: [guiltily] I didn't hate accidents enough...
Crow [as Little Girl]: [guiltily] I didn't hate accidents enough...
[The Phantom witnesses Prince of Space invading his headquarters.]
Phantom: What a fool!
Servo [as Phantom]: He has defeated us numerous times, what makes him think he can do it again?
Phantom: What a fool!
Servo [as Phantom]: He has defeated us numerous times, what makes him think he can do it again?
[The phone rings as Judy and her mom serve lunch to the boys.]
Crow: Hey, the electric phone!
Crow: Hey, the electric phone!
[The photographer Donna is staring at a photo she took of the satellite crash.]
Donna: Here's something to complicate things even more.
Crow: I took these upside down!
Donna: Here's something to complicate things even more.
Crow: I took these upside down!
[The plane Beth is in starts to malfunction before it even leaves the ground]
Crow: Terror at Sea-level.
Servo: [giggling] More terrifying than Airport '77!
Crow: Terror at Sea-level.
Servo: [giggling] More terrifying than Airport '77!
[The plot has been resolved and nothing important is happening, but the end credits are nowhere in sight.]
Servo: [screaming] ENDDDD! EEEEENNNNDDDDDD!!!
[And now, at last, the film ends.]
Mike: [defeated and unimpressed] What a wild wild world!
Crow: Please stay away from sharp instruments for three weeks after viewing this film and do not operate heavy equipment, thank you!
Servo: [screaming] ENDDDD! EEEEENNNNDDDDDD!!!
[And now, at last, the film ends.]
Mike: [defeated and unimpressed] What a wild wild world!
Crow: Please stay away from sharp instruments for three weeks after viewing this film and do not operate heavy equipment, thank you!
[The plot inexplicably switches to something about underground monsters, using footage from The Mole People.]
Crow: [confused] Wha-- that's The Mole People! These movies have crashed!
Mike: You got your Mole People in my Batwoman!
Servo: You got your Batwoman in my Mole People!
Crow: [confused] Wha-- that's The Mole People! These movies have crashed!
Mike: You got your Mole People in my Batwoman!
Servo: You got your Batwoman in my Mole People!
[The pre-credits sequence ends and the titles begin.]
Servo: Hey, the end credits! Well, it was a terrible movie. At least it was short!
Mike: These are the beginning credits!
Servo: Oh, well, then kill me, please?
Servo: Hey, the end credits! Well, it was a terrible movie. At least it was short!
Mike: These are the beginning credits!
Servo: Oh, well, then kill me, please?
[the preface ends with "This is the story..."]
Mike: [dramatically] Of a man named Jed!
Servo [as Granny Clampett]: JEDDDDD!!!
Mike: [dramatically] Of a man named Jed!
Servo [as Granny Clampett]: JEDDDDD!!!
[The Prince of Space's ship narrowly dodges an attack, obviously being held by wires.]
Mike [as Prince of Space]: Swing me over there, trusty string!
Mike [as Prince of Space]: Swing me over there, trusty string!
[The Professor looks up at Kolos as Kolos advances towards him menacingly.]
Servo [as the Professor, quickly]: Oh my God, you're huge.
Servo [as the Professor, quickly]: Oh my God, you're huge.