Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[The band finishes singing. Rick smiles and gives the "okay" sign, but then quickly frowns.]
Rick: It stinks!
Rick: It stinks!
[The bedroom is repeatedly dissolving to different ones.]
Mike: That's about as sexy as a garage.
. . .
Crow: One bed's for them, the other one's for little grandma.
. . .
Servo [as Mary]: Jeff and I were going to get the racing car beds, but we decided on these.
. . .
Servo: Well, sort of a Westerny-Ginghamy-Oriental-Danish-Modernesque-Prairie School sort of thing, huh?
Mike: That's about as sexy as a garage.
. . .
Crow: One bed's for them, the other one's for little grandma.
. . .
Servo [as Mary]: Jeff and I were going to get the racing car beds, but we decided on these.
. . .
Servo: Well, sort of a Westerny-Ginghamy-Oriental-Danish-Modernesque-Prairie School sort of thing, huh?
[The bikers are cycling along a road through a forest, guzzling beer.]
Servo: Two roads diverged into a yellow wood / And, sorry I could not take my hog down both / And be one traveller, long I stood.
Joel [as Adman]: You beat the stuffing out of three preppies and given away the girl, but before the day is through, you'll take enough drugs to kill a horse. Now, it's Miller Time!
Servo: Two roads diverged into a yellow wood / And, sorry I could not take my hog down both / And be one traveller, long I stood.
Joel [as Adman]: You beat the stuffing out of three preppies and given away the girl, but before the day is through, you'll take enough drugs to kill a horse. Now, it's Miller Time!
[The bikini-clad Angels are beating the crap out of drug runners on the beach, accompanied by goofy, unrealistic sound effects.]
Mike: Right now, Benny Hill is smiling down from heaven.
Mike: Right now, Benny Hill is smiling down from heaven.
[The Bots reminisce about the Dorkin's Circus scenes during the endless military vs. Gorgo battles.]
Servo: I wish they'd get back to Dorkin.
Crow: Yeah! There was a lot of Dorkin at the beginning of the movie. They should show that some more.
Servo: Sure! I mean, who wouldn't rather watch Dorkin than this stock footage?
Crow: Yeah. I-- I'd just really, really like to watch people dorkin'.
Servo: D'oh!
Mike: Hey! Tha-- that doesn't even work!
Crow: [lewdly] Oh, it works, Mike. Heh heh heh.
Mike: That's enough, you two. Enough Dorkin! I--
[Mike throws his hands up in exasperation.]
Mike: You know what I mean. Stop it.
Servo: I wish they'd get back to Dorkin.
Crow: Yeah! There was a lot of Dorkin at the beginning of the movie. They should show that some more.
Servo: Sure! I mean, who wouldn't rather watch Dorkin than this stock footage?
Crow: Yeah. I-- I'd just really, really like to watch people dorkin'.
Servo: D'oh!
Mike: Hey! Tha-- that doesn't even work!
Crow: [lewdly] Oh, it works, Mike. Heh heh heh.
Mike: That's enough, you two. Enough Dorkin! I--
[Mike throws his hands up in exasperation.]
Mike: You know what I mean. Stop it.
[The bots' translation of the fabulous Jet Jaguar fight song]
He jock it made of steel.
Eats sushi from a pail.
Jet Jaguar? Jet Jaguar!
He mother never really love him.
He crimefighting covers up a basic insecurity.
He dickey covers up an Adam's apple the size of a Toyota.
He basically good-hearted, but he'd like to smash that kid's head against a rock!
Knock, knock, knock!!
Who's there?i>
He face look like Jack Nicholson.
Don't laugh like that; it'll stay that way.
Yamahageeooooooh!
[pause]
Do not touch my bags if you please, Mr. Customs Man.
He jock it made of steel.
Eats sushi from a pail.
Jet Jaguar? Jet Jaguar!
He mother never really love him.
He crimefighting covers up a basic insecurity.
He dickey covers up an Adam's apple the size of a Toyota.
He basically good-hearted, but he'd like to smash that kid's head against a rock!
Knock, knock, knock!!
Who's there?i>
He face look like Jack Nicholson.
Don't laugh like that; it'll stay that way.
Yamahageeooooooh!
[pause]
Do not touch my bags if you please, Mr. Customs Man.
[The brain-eating space girls return after the boys fall unconscious from eating drugged donuts.]
Joel [as Space Girl]: Kids' brains always taste better when they've been thinking about donuts.
Joel [as Space Girl]: Kids' brains always taste better when they've been thinking about donuts.
[The bread delivery "boy" that Silver is on a date with is an undercover cop]
Silver Morgan: Oh, I was a fool to fall for a phony delivery boy!
Mike: Especially since he's thirty-eight!
Silver Morgan: Oh, I was a fool to fall for a phony delivery boy!
Mike: Especially since he's thirty-eight!
[The Bronx's residents are being led into vans marked "Desinfestation Annihilation Squad"]
Crow: [chuckles] I think they blew their cover here!
Crow: [chuckles] I think they blew their cover here!
[The camera focuses on a woman with a good appearance. Shortly after, it focuses on a woman looking discomforted and fidgeting around.]
Narrator: Clothes are important. Besides fitting well and looking well, the clothes should be appropriate for the occasion. Wearing inappropriate clothes, like these shoes--
Servo [as the Narrator]: Is immoral.
Narrator: --is a sure way to make yourself uncomfortable... and conspicuous.
Crow: Expressing individualism is just plain wrong.
Narrator: Clothes are important. Besides fitting well and looking well, the clothes should be appropriate for the occasion. Wearing inappropriate clothes, like these shoes--
Servo [as the Narrator]: Is immoral.
Narrator: --is a sure way to make yourself uncomfortable... and conspicuous.
Crow: Expressing individualism is just plain wrong.
[The camera focuses on Dr. Conway (lantern-jawed John Carradine) as he reassures new patient Grace.]
Joel: Hey, John -- why the long face, pal?
Joel: Hey, John -- why the long face, pal?
[The camera is zoomed in on a telephone ringing.]
Mike [as an answering machine]: This is Jim Rockford, leave a message and I'll get back to ya.
Crow: Jimmy, it's Angel, I'm in real bad trouble!
Servo: [starts performing The Rockford Files theme]
Mike [as an answering machine]: This is Jim Rockford, leave a message and I'll get back to ya.
Crow: Jimmy, it's Angel, I'm in real bad trouble!
Servo: [starts performing The Rockford Files theme]
[The camera pans across a battle in the headhunters' village--and past an embarrased-looking tribesman standing awkwardly by himself.]
Mike: Aw, poor guy doesn't have a fighting partner!
Mike: Aw, poor guy doesn't have a fighting partner!
[The camera pans by Greenland on a map.]
Servo: You know what? Screw you Greenland!
Servo: You know what? Screw you Greenland!
[The camera pans down from the spotlights to some skating ballerinas.]
Narrator: And now, the spotlight falls on a world of delicate loveliness...
Crow [as Narrator]: ...and kills them.
Monster A Go-Go (movie)
Narrator: And now, the spotlight falls on a world of delicate loveliness...
Crow [as Narrator]: ...and kills them.
Monster A Go-Go (movie)