[Over a dedication in the opening credits]
CCrow
Dedicated to the chickens who lost their lives in the great chicken war.
Wait a minute! Men and women breeding better poultry? What kind of sick experiment is this?
S7The Brute Man
After all these years, whether the chicken or the egg came first is still the subject of a lot of good-natured debate.
[chuckling] No, it isn't.
[A flock of chickens is hastily gathered around a feeding trough. One of them is actually standing in the trough.]
SAServo [as chicken]
Betty, must you sit in dinner?
And one large and small farms everywhere, the search for a better chicken goes on.
There it is! No wait, there!
[As we begin to see what happens at the chicken farm]
MAMike [as Narrator]
If you're nice, we'll hook you up to the milking machine!
Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up, so let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
MAMike [as Narrator]
[muffled] I'm in the incubator now...
[A worker is placing eggs inside a tray.]
MAMike [as egg]
Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
SAServo [as egg]
No, stay in there.
MAMike [as egg]
Oh, come on. Can I go home?
SAServo [as egg]
No, the door's locked!
. . .
CCrow
I've seen the episode where the eggs come in too fast and she starts putting them in her mouth!
[A worker puts trays inside the incubator.]
The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.
CACrow [as Narrator]
And this fellow.
. . .
This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.
And one bathroom for all of them.
[Watching footage of a baby chicken forming and hatching.]
This is gonna be hot, hot, hot!
. . .
Mork calling Orson...
CACrow [as baby chick]
Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here!
. . .
That is one bloodshot eye.
. . .
CCrow
Oh, wait. That's my Silly Putty.
. . .
CCrow
[singing] How dry I am-- [hiccups]
. . .
And finally, the fully developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.
. . .
CCrow
[singing] Come on down and meet everybod-- Oh, sorry.
. . .
I hate it when people tape their own deliveries.
. . .
Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?
. . .
CACrow [as baby chick]
Oh, what did I do last night?
SAServo [as baby chick]
Hey guys, it's God!
Sexing the chicks, or separating the males from the females, is a highly specialized trade.
Yeah, for pervs!
[A farmer inspects one of the chicks]
CACrow [as farmer]
Whoa, Milton Berle there...
[A worker is sorting out baby chicks.]
CACrow [as worker]
Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.
[The baby chicks are being thrown into a small box.]
MAMike [as baby chick]
It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.
SAServo [as baby chick]
Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!
40 piece chicken nuggets to go!
But wait a minute, you may be saying...
CACrow [as Narrator]
Why am I watching this?
Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?
You bet!
Indeed they can!
[surprised] ...Heh, I was right!
[The truck carrying baby chicks is driving very slowly.]
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.
CACrow [as Narrator]
I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!
[As the truck drives as the scene fades.]
That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!
[the next scene fades in]
CCrow
Chickens!
[Two girls are feeding baby chicks.]
MAMike [as girl]
How many are you sitting on?
CACrow [as girl]
Dad went a little nuts this Easter.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.