[Ten seconds into the opening credits...]
Crow: I hate this movie already.

[That night, Marinda's burial-shrouded body lies near a pyre.]
Crow: Wrapped in foil, she was buried in coals on the beach.
. . .
[Deathstalker tenderly closes the shroud over Marinda's face.]
Servo [as Deathstalker]: [sobbing] Make sure you crimp the foil good... poke her with a fork so she doesn't explode.
. . .
Mike [as Deathstalker]: [sobbing] Well... I have to say... she was all-righta. [N]

[That night, the squads are still looking for the Devil Fish.]
Sheriff Gordon: Squad number one. Report in.
Squad Member: Squad number one, Sheriff. Ain't seen nothing yet.
Crow [as Squad Member]: B-b-b-baby, we ain't seen n-n-nothing yet, over.
. . .
Sheriff Gordon: Squad number two. Squad number two!
Servo [as dead squad member]: We done been et, over!
. . .
Sheriff Gordon: Squad number two. Squad number two!
Crow: Oh, they'll be number two soon enough.
. . .
[The rednecks of Squad Number Two become a light snack for the Devil Fish.]
Servo [as Devil Fish]: [singing to Neil Young's "Southern Man"] Southern man, gonna eat your head!
. . .
[The Sheriff and the other squads arrive and again pour gasoline into the water.]
Crow: Well, this should take care of every living thing in the Everglades.
. . .
[The squads are playing flamethrowers over the gasoline, cooking the Devil Fish.]
Servo [as Sheriff]: Okay, now, throw in the diced onions and celery and chopped porcini mushrooms!
Crow: Does the Coast Guard have a lot of use for flamethrowers?
. . .
[Close up of burning water.]
Mike: Eww, someone threw a match on the Cuyahoga River.

[The "doppled" Fingal is looking at a giraffe.]
Fingal: What happened to him? He looks drunk to me!
Crow [as giraffe]: I'm on medication, okay?

[The "gang" enters a diner one by one.]
Mike, Servo and Crow [as everyone in the diner]: Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm!

[The 1970 Brooklyn Dodgers score a homerun.]
Crow: Oh this is the future where they sold the Dodgers back to Brooklyn.

[The alarm makes a beeping noise similar to a large vehicle in reverse]
Servo: Great, now the garbage truck's backing up!

[The Angels' fight sequences are accompanied by cartoonish boinks and bops.]
Servo: Okay, sound by Hanna-Barbera, fine.

[The Angels' monster van crashes through the gate of the camp.]
Crow: It's the T & A-Team!

[The antiheroes make some purchases at a seedy-looking mom-and-pop store while some inappropriately cheerful music plays on the soundtrack.]
Mike [as Store Clerk]: Would you like a video? We have some ultraviolent Japanese porn cartoons!

[The astronauts are discussing sleeping to preserve oxygen]
Crow: Well I have sleep apnea so I won't need much.

[The astronauts run up a ramp to escape an oozing, Blob-like slick chasing them.]
Joel: Hey, where's Steve McQueen when you need him?

[The attack on the city includes stock footage of a building with a giant picture of Hitler being blown up]
Crow: [royally confused] What the...?
Servo: They took out the Hitler Building!!! Where is everyone going to see Hitler memorabilia?
Crow: All the Hitler rides and games! The Hitler salt and pepper shakers!
Mike: The great restaurant "The Bunker"! It's gone! You sons of...
Crow: They blew it up!
. . .
Crow: Say, Mike--was there a Hitler Building where you grew up?
Mike: Not, uh...no. No.
Crow: Sure?
Mike: ...Yeah.
. . .
[Another spaceship begins to dive]
Crow: What next? The Mussolini Mall?
Servo: Yeah! Followed by the Pinochet Petting Zoo!

[The Bacchus 3 crew, wearing enemy uniforms, are about to infiltrate a secret-weapon installation.]
Rocky: It won't be easy getting into this place.
Ken: How will we do it?
Rocky: Easy.
Servo: Wha-- wait a minute.

[The bad guys, having examined Tony's inert body, drive off. Tony comes out of his trance.]
Vadinho: You've succeeded! They think you're dead, and now they will leave you alone.
Mike: To be left alone--the goal of every great hero!