Susan Harper quotes from My Family

Ben

Oh, for crying out loud...

Susan

Ben, calm down. It's only been five minutes.

Nick

(staring at a nervous, elderly couple) That's how it always starts. With five minutes. Then ten. Then half an hour. Then an hour. Then two hours... and then a month.

Ben

Nick.

Nick

Then two months.

Ben

Nick!

Nick

Then a year!

Ben

Nick, please!

Could you please get your son to be quiet?

Ben

No, but you have a go, by all means.

He's making my wife nervous.

Ben

You'll get used to it.

That's right. Nothing to do with you. Wash your hands of it.

Susan

Don't worry. He has.

Susan

The glass is always half-empty with you, isn't it?

Ben

Half-empty. Cracked. Chipped. Dirty. Smeared with toxic, germ-ridden, radioactive s-

Susan

Anyway...

Susan

We should have told you all not to worry about our relationship in the first place

Is that why you slept on the couch?

I just.. know...

Susan

We just got married!

Ben

I still don't want kids.

Ben Harper

Susan, I though we had a deal that you'd warn me when the inlaws were coming?

Susan Harper

Oh, I'm glad your here. I'd like to introduce you to Cheerful Charlie Chortle, Uncle Morris, and The Amazing Beppo.

Ben Harper

Well if they're here, who's running the country?

Ben Harper

Good God! No wonder Charlie Chortle's chortling, look how much Charlie Chortles charging!

Susan Harper

Actually we're not having Charlie Chortle. He's having gall bladder surgery.

Ben Harper

Can't the kids watch that? It'll be cheaper and funnier.

Ben

What is this masterpiece?

Susan

"Shut Up and Be Happy"

Ben

Too late; I'm married.

Susan

How was it then? Your "society?"

Ben

2 words. Gay disco.

Susan

They're like promises, where people try and give up their bad habits.

Does Grandpa know about this?

Susan

All I'm asking from you is one lousy day!

Ben

I've given you lots of lousy days!