There's an anger management counselor here for you.
For me? [Gives Simon a look]
Yeah. It's all part of your "ongoing rehabilitation." [To Simon] Did you have the last Twix?
Yes. [Shaun grabs it from him] She's waiting for you in my office. Enjoy. [Leaves]
For fuck's sake. It wasn't even me, it was him.
Who?
Who do you think? [Points to his chest] This whiny little prick in here. The other me. I was seeing this girl, right. Nice girl, Dutch-Irish. Had a webbed foot. Left foot, fine. Right foot, just a little bit creepy. Might have been the other way around. Anyway, so we have this great big row, we end up breaking up. Honestly, I weren't that bothered. Cause there's plenty more fish in the sea and all that. She couldn't wear flip-flops. Because of the web, she had no toe-groove. Anyway, so we split up. You know, she's really angry, starts running her mouth off, all gets a little bit personal. Honestly, dude, I were fine with it, mate. Not him. He starts getting himself all upset, ends up trashing her car, she rang the police. Boom.
So that's why you're on community service?
Yes! Y-Yes. He did it, I took the rap. I'm totally innocent. Mmm. Yes. We should write a campaign song. Do some wristbands. You, you're very clever, aren't you, eh?
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