Molly quotes from Mike & Molly

Molly

Wait a second, you're dating my mother?

Hey, old soup is still good if you heat it up.

Mike

[at a restaurant] How's your snapper?

Molly

[loopy on cold medicine] Fine. How's your penis?

Molly

Look, I have no interest in pouring hot wax on my lady business and ripping all the hair out.

Victoria

Eighteen months, four days, five hours, sweetie. I can have that wax heated up lickity split.

Joyce

And then he can get at it lickity split.

Molly

All right, maybe a little off the sides. But we should probably have a safe word.

Joyce

Well, I always just scream 'Ouch, my hoo ha!'

Molly

[talking to Vince, Joyce and Victoria] Somebody has to go out there and talk to Mike's mom.

Victoria

I'll do it.

Molly

[slight pause] Weird thing is, you were my first choice.

Mike

[Molly asked what Carl is doing in Mike's apartment with the door chain locked] He's probably in there doin' some broad.

Molly

[Punches Mike's shoulder] Mike, that's disgusting!

Mike

Sorry. He's in there making sweet love to some broad.

Molly

[Punches him again] So, you're telling me right now he's in there having sex on our bed?

Mike

I don't think so. Carl likes to stand and deliver.

Molly

Mike's taking me to "La Boheme"

Joyce

The opera? Have you told him that Elmer Fudd isn't in it?

Molly

Dinner was delicious. Good for you, finding a man who knows his way around a kitchen.

I know my way around a kitchen.

Molly

I meant cooking, not finding an Oreo in the dark.

Mike

Molly, it's 2:00 a.m.

Molly

Already?

Mike

You can't do this every night.

Molly

But I want to.

Mike

Come on. You're pregnant. You need to get your sleep.

Molly

I like watching him. Oh. I can't believe all this is happening.

Mike

I can. I've known it since the first time I saw you.

Molly

Mike.

Mike

I'm serious. I said, "That is the woman I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with."

Molly

What about the cramped house full of mental patients?

Mike

That I didn't see coming. But I wouldn't change a thing.

Molly

Not a thing.

I love you.

Molly

Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

La-la-ba-dee-dah, la-la-ba-dee-dah. For the first time in my life, I see love.