You know my nephew's coming to stay.
Yeah, why can't he stay in a hotel like normal people?
Because he's 10.
Isn't there a "kiddies" hotel we could put him in?
Debs, will you do me a favour?
What?
Will you have sex with me in a tree?
(to Jonathan) So, do you like Thomas The Tank Engine? He's good, isn't he? Eh? With his face. All flat and blue.
Puff, puff.
[to Dorothy's ten-year-old nephew, Jonathan]
Grow up to be a decent member of society.
Play lots of sport.
Eat fruit, and, er, celery, and help old ladies cross the street, that sort of thing.
Mmm, except Debs' mum.
Yeah. Don't help her.
No. Hinder her.
Hinder her from crossing the street.
[calling out to Jonathan as he leaves]
And just remember, eat plenty of celery.
Yeah, and help old ladies across the street.
Yeah, except Debs' mum!
Yeah, except Debs' mum!
[Deborah's mum appears behind them]
Because she's not old!
Not old.
Not in the slightest.
In any way.
At all.
Leg it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Men Behaving Badly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.