Dad, when you were in school, did a girl ever did something to you that ruined your entire life?
Yes, and you call that girl "Mom" now.
Sure, before you marry them, all women like football. But as soon as you say "I do"... they put on forty pounds, and the only hike you'll see is them hiking up their pants before they weld their butts to the sofa for the rest of their worthless lives.
And if you wanna talk about "flying wedge," let's talk about my mother-in-law. People overuse the phrase, "as big as the Earth," but kids, try to picture everyone you've ever known under one muu-muu.
Shoes: no kind of life for a man.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.