Jay quotes from Madam Secretary

Jay

Once immobile, he'll be pummeled with stones the size of tangerines, specially chosen to inflict maximum pain but not too big so he won't get knocked out. His ribs will snap and break into pieces, lacerating his liver and kidneys and liquefying his spleen. And if he's lucky, his lungs will fill up and he'll drown in his own blood. But if not, he could be conscious for up to 2 hours and his body is pushed to the human limits of agony.

Jay

Happy to be sleep-deprived for a landmark deal on human trafficking.

Jay

(while high on THC watching youtube videos) No way. All those baby goats have pajamas? (laughs) Because they're cold. Oh, why don't all farm animals have pajamas? Not the cows, but the little ones, anyway. That's... That's so doable. (Picks up his phone to dictate) Idea. Pajamas for small farm animals. Pitch to Department of Agriculture.

Jay

So M-Sec wants me to meet with Morejon first thing in the morning to take another swing at the legislative option, and I want to know if this idea is "good" crazy or "Jay, you're fired" crazy.

Jay

The intel on the prison location was bad and when the special forces made their way inside the structure they found goats.

Elizabeth

Is that code for something?

Jay

No Ma’am, actual goats.

Nadine

It was disinformation.

Jay

The good news is that there were no casualties, and no goats were harmed.

Elizabeth

That’s just not helpful.

Daisy

That exchange with the king is already trending Madam Secretary. Twitter is blowing up. People love it.

Elizabeth

Well, not everyone's going to love it. Matt, prepare a statement for tomorrow. We may have to call a press conference.

Matt

I'm already on it.

Nadine

Do you want this to become an issue?

Elizabeth

Yes! I think we've spent enough time on my look.

Daisy

World health, education, war on women... How do you want to frame it?

Elizabeth

All of the above.

Jay

It's a strong message. It'll play well in the polls. Not that I, you know, care about polls.

Jay

Not without going through Everar Burke. The chairman of the Appropriations Committee. Fighting off Jihad is a cakewalk compared to getting anything past him.

Elizabeth

What kind of guy is he?

Jay

Slow, methodical... cheap.

Nadine

It'll take us a month to get a meeting.

Elizabeth

I mean, what does he like? Fruit baskets? Steak? Is flirting gonna get me anywhere? Everybody has a weakness.

Elizabeth

I'd like to think about hiring private security contractors.

Jay

I mean. come on.

Matt

You mean, like Vesuvian?

Elizabeth

I mean exactly like Vesuvian.

Matt

That might be a problem.

Elizabeth

I'm aware.

Daisy

We are talking about the people you referred to a year ago in a national publication as 'the latest guise of Satan, bloodless mercenaries who serve and protect and kill out of naked ambition rather than honor or duty while cashing a check three times the size of anyone in military service.'

Elizabeth

I really thought I'd cut the satan line.

Jay

It was a private email!

Elizabeth

You really believe there's such a thing anymore?

Daisy

There's thousands. Twittersphere is calling them the Viper cables.

Elizabeth

Viper?

Daisy

Fisher's source. She's claiming he's a State Department employee.

Elizabeth

Oh, great. Our very own Snowden.

Jay

What happened to at least giving us a heads up?

Elizabeth

Hey, Jay. Daisy's about to tell us that that gotcha video is blowing up on social media. Which was clearly the point. Right now, I need you to focus on fixing it.

Jay

(Trying to hand her his resignation letter) Now that, uh, things have settled down.

Elizabeth

Well, unless that's great seats to the Kennedy Center, I don't want it.

Jay

What about Dubois?

Elizabeth

I called him this morning and told him that while I was very sorry that he was insulted, he doesn't get to make decisions about my staff.

Jay

How'd he take it?

Elizabeth

I had to pardon his French.

Jay

What about Jackson's guy?

Elizabeth

Your idea helped to save a man's life.

Jay

You got it over the finish line.

Elizabeth

So... we're a good team.

Jay

All due respect, I was on Secretary Marsh's team. I was his guy.

Elizabeth

I know.

Jay

I was hoping to ride him to the White House. You don't have such ambitions.

Elizabeth

You're right. But clearly you can make a difference here at State. And I am a sucker for anyone who's good at their job. But if something comes along with a presidential contender, I'll understand.

Jay

Okay.

Elizabeth

Oh, and, uh, Jay, one other thing. As long as you're here, you're my guy now.

Jay

He's used to getting his way.

Elizabeth

Well, that may be, but I happen to know he is extremely ticklish.

Matt

Wait. Did the Secretary just admit to intimate anatomical knowledge of the Prince of Bahrain?

Blake

The CIA briefs must be very detailed.

Daisy

[watching Abby walk away] Wow. Look at that. A personal life. I used to have one of those.

Jay

Yeah. Me too.

Elizabeth

(rushing into Jay's office) Hey, I need to talk to you about something that we're not really talking about.

Jay

Okay... I'm not listening.

Jay

You mean do what the CIA is probably already doing without the CIA finding out that we're doing it?

Elizabeth

I'm getting boxed out because it happened in my department and because I'm no longer in the CIA.

Jay

They can be funny that way.

Elizabeth

None of this is easy today but we have a budget to pass and we need to pull it together and fight for a lot of programs that matter.

Jay

Do they? Does any of this matter? All of our big meetings and political positioning, is any of it going to save one person who shouldn't die today?