Matt Mahoney quotes from Madam Secretary

Matt

Already crafting your apologies ma'am. On a scale of non-apology-apology to full Swagger-Kanye, how far do you want to take it?

Matt

You know, why hide the corruption? It's so much easier this way.

Daisy

The press loves stuff like this. The guy's flamboyant, exotic.

Elizabeth

Polygamist.

Matt

We're not using that word.

Elizabeth

We're not? What are we calling it?

Matt

It falls under cultural diversity.

Elizabeth

I see. Well, is it important to have all the wives? You think maybe we could cut it off at say three?

Matt

Who’s she in there with?

Blake

I’m not at liberty to say.

Daisy

Well I got it straight from security that it’s the director of the CIA.

Blake

Can’t confirm or deny.

Daisy

Just so you know, there’s a tradition of sharing information in the outer office.

Blake

Oh well, in that case I heard you guys tongued in the supply closet at the Christmas party and it’s been a little awkward ever since, because you’re both with other people.

Daisy

Madam Secretary, we need to review your statement about the King of Swaziland visit.

Elizabeth

OK.

Matt

Yeah, I have a rough first draft. I’m still working on the adjectives, right now you’re happy and excited.

Elizabeth

You need to work on the adjectives.

Daisy

Well I have to get something to the press by tomorrow.

Elizabeth

Can I be resigned and conflicted?

Daisy

You can never be either of those things.

Matt

You can be eager and optimistic.

Daisy

No she can’t be eager, that’s too Jimmy Carter.

Elizabeth

Can I be cautiously optimistic?

Matt

Well that’s for more serious world events.

Daisy

You can be forward thinking.

Matt

You know what, I’ll do the writing, thanks!

Elizabeth

What if I’m grateful for the opportunity to expose the world to a variety of cultural differences as we move toward a more global thinking society?

Matt

That’s really good.

Elizabeth

Should I write it down for you?

Matt

No, I’m the writer, I can do it.

Elizabeth

Just as long as our roles are clear.

Daisy

That exchange with the king is already trending Madam Secretary. Twitter is blowing up. People love it.

Elizabeth

Well, not everyone's going to love it. Matt, prepare a statement for tomorrow. We may have to call a press conference.

Matt

I'm already on it.

Nadine

Do you want this to become an issue?

Elizabeth

Yes! I think we've spent enough time on my look.

Daisy

World health, education, war on women... How do you want to frame it?

Elizabeth

All of the above.

Jay

It's a strong message. It'll play well in the polls. Not that I, you know, care about polls.

Elizabeth

Fine. You want me to talk to her and explain why the Secretary of State's daughter can't be doing things like this?

Daisy

And we need to release a statement.

Matt

Explaining your mystery daughter.

Blake

Not a mystery daughter.

Elizabeth

By 'mystery' do you mean born out of wedlock or sired by aliens?

Matt

Well, we'd like to remove all doubt about either of those speculations.

Elizabeth

Knock yourself out. Can we talk about matters of national security now please?

Elizabeth

I'd like to think about hiring private security contractors.

Jay

I mean. come on.

Matt

You mean, like Vesuvian?

Elizabeth

I mean exactly like Vesuvian.

Matt

That might be a problem.

Elizabeth

I'm aware.

Daisy

We are talking about the people you referred to a year ago in a national publication as 'the latest guise of Satan, bloodless mercenaries who serve and protect and kill out of naked ambition rather than honor or duty while cashing a check three times the size of anyone in military service.'

Elizabeth

I really thought I'd cut the satan line.

Daisy

It's an easy spin. There's a difference between philosophical thought, academia and practical application... work in action

Matt

Well, if it's so... easy, why don't you give me the headline to that? Uh, "Secretary of State Discovers that Doing is More Challenging than Talking About Doing"?

Daisy

And we still have to explain the mystery daughter.

Blake

Not a mystery daughter.

Nadine

Blake... everyone appreciates your allegiance to your boss.

Blake

Well, she is not my boss, she's our boss.

Daisy

Madam Secretary Schaeffer's capture by the Pakistanis just hit the wires.

Matt

It's wall-to-wall on the cable outlets.

Elizabeth

Everyone needs to stop ambushing me on my way in.

Daisy

We thought you'd want to know right away.

Elizabeth

Well, we might need to redefine "right away."

Daisy

So, how do you want to spin it?

Elizabeth

Schaeffer? I don't.

Matt

So, we're going with, "Yeah, he was spying on their nukes, our bad?"

Elizabeth

We expect Pakistan to treat all prisoners, including U.S. citizens, humanely and in accordance with the third and fourth Geneva Convention.

Nadine

(While the staff is gathered around a bottle of Cognac gifted to Elizabeth by France) Madam Secretary, protocol explicitly states that foreign gifts remain in the gift room.

Elizabeth

Noted. I decree an exception.

Nadine

Oh, thank God.

Matt

I second the decree.

Daisy

Uh, Uh, decrees don't need seconding.

Matt

Uh, this one felt like it did.

Elizabeth

Let's have a toast to Roy Schaeffer. Welcome home.

Welcome home.

Elizabeth

Matt draft a memo to the staff. "From now on, I expect all correspondence at every level of confidentiality to be civil and respectful, worthy of the office being represented.

Matt

How wide do you want it to go?

Elizabeth

How many people work here?

Nadine

31,822.

Elizabeth

That'll do it.

Matt

Japan feels that by extending their hand first that it shows the world that they're in charge and aren't cowering to China.

Elizabeth

The world? Seriously? Like 14 guys watch C-SPAN.

Blake

Why does Daisy have on a weird face?

Matt

That's just her face.

Blake

No, that's her freaked-out face.

Daisy

Can I show you something over here?

Elizabeth

Yeah. There's some debate about whether or not you have on your freaked-out face or your regular face.

Daisy

Fu Xinpei, visiting Chinese high school genius, just stood up at Dulles and declared she wants political asylum. Now the news has got hold of her. I'm worried that she's gonna mess up the signing of the treaty, but I'm probably being paranoid. This is my paranoid face.

Elizabeth

Thank you. And now I'm going to barf. That speech is so terrible. No offense Matt.

Matt

Trying to fit all that into one speech is ... super hard.