Alison McCord quotes from Madam Secretary

You're going to New York? Nobody tells me anything! Could you stop at the Hello Kitty store in Times Square and get me this cute pencil case? It's an exclusive.

Hey dad.

Henry

Hey.

You look terrible.

Henry

Thanks honey.

Crazy for you to be starting a new job. I mean you just got out of the hospital.

Henry

It's not a new job; it's more like an aspect of what I'm doing at the War College, only less teaching.

So what is it, exactly?

Henry

(hesitates) Consulting.

Jason

Everybody knows what that's code for, Dad. It's intelligence work.

Henry

Jace, I'm employed by the Defense Department. You're not blowing the lid off of anything with that observation.

It just seems so soon.

Henry

I'm fine, Noodle, really. Look, eating eggs, drinking juice.

Jason

Reading some counterterrorism-- breakfast of champions.

Elizabeth

Okay, who is excited for some college tour action?

Um, maybe you should hang back. Stevie said she could take me.

Elizabeth

What?

Stevie

I actually wouldn't mind a break from studying.

And it does sound like you have your hands full.

Elizabeth

What? That? That's uh.. it's a little kerfuffle at a gold mine in Chile. Just ten minutes at the office. That's it. Okay?

It's just... college is supposed to be my thing, and if we show up in a motorcade with diplomatic security and you and Blake constantly on the phone...

Elizabeth

I know, total bummer. Which is why I got us down to two cars, and I asked Blake specifically to tell the school not to make a fuss about anything. Because I get it, Ali, you want to be normal, but that goes for me, too, you know. And this is a really big deal, and I don't want to miss out on it, and I really want to come.

Okay. Let's go.

Elizabeth

Okay! Okay, okay. And you know what? I'll tell you what. Stevie'll come, too. It'll be... Look at that, you already packed a bag.

Stevie

Yeah, you know, just in case.

Elizabeth

G'morning.

Blake

Morning. Here's a copy of today's agenda.

Elizabeth

Thank you. And did you get the--

Blake

Four lemon-blueberry and a vegan scone, in case Stevie joined us.

Stevie

That's just eerie.

Blake

Mm. Thank you. Uh, also, I took the liberty of highlighting various students' online reviews of professors at Rafferty College. The debate professor is wonderfully polarizing.

Mom, I don't think you pay Blake enough.

Elizabeth

Oh, I am sure I don't.

Stevie

Okay. Come on, guys, delete the photos.

Or what? Your mom and her fascist goons will hunt me down?

Fascism is the direct opposite of a representative democracy, which you happen to be lucky enough to live in thanks to people like our mother who defend it every single day. And by the way, you attacking and trying to silence people because they don't agree with what you think kind of makes you the fascist.

Forget it. I'll just power through, and develop an ulcer, and later in life, I'll send you a bill for all my therapy.

Elizabeth

[pause] Do you want to go to therapy?

So, Dad's just never coming back then?

Elizabeth

Yes, I forgot to tell you that your father's taken the cutest little apartment in the Pentagon.

Henry

Thanks for looking at us instead of your phones.

Thanks for being interesting.

Well, you looked smokin' hot on your magazine cover.

Elizabeth

Oh, my God, do you see that? I mean, even in my own house, I am appraised like a show pony!

All I said was you looked hot.

Elizabeth

Alison, it's not a reality show!

Elizabeth

I love Bed Bath & Beyond.

Yes, you do.

Elizabeth

Because they have everything, they have things you didn't even know you wanted. That's where the "Beyond" part kicks in.

Stevie

I'm not gonna lie, it's, it's pretty stressful. Because -- here's the point of this meeting -- Mom is not helping.

Let me guess. She resents having the party, so she's doing that thing where she doesn't really engage and kind of makes you feel like a sellout for even being involved.

Stevie

Exactly.

I'm having roommate issues.

Henry

Lucinda? I thought you guys were tight.

We were. We are. Sometimes we're so tight, I can't breathe.

Oh, wasn't that beautiful? I felt like I just spent the morning in Paris.

Please. It was like one long celebration of the bourgeoisie, and now we have an endless array of tchotchkes to prove it.

Who's this Piper I keep hearing about?

She's like the female Jace, but actually cool.

Wait, you actually want to break up with Piper? Wow, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought you were.

Jason

You're an idiot.

Henry

All right, let's play "Who's an idiot?" later.

So, I wanted to ask you, uh, about the impact of the job on your family. [Elizabeth's phone buzzes]

Elizabeth

I am so sorry, I have to take this.

And there you pretty much have it. Pasta?