Elizabeth McCord quotes from Madam Secretary

Elizabeth

Hey, listen, while you're on the hill, will you stop by Colonial Gelato and get some pistachio for Ali? She texted me she's gonna come over tonight.

Henry

Again? She was just there. I mean, is it normal for a freshman in college to want to spend so much time at home?

Elizabeth

No, stop. I like it when she comes home. And she's not an intelligence asset, Henry. You don't have to question her motives.

Henry

She's my daughter. I question everything.

Elizabeth

(chuckles) Two tubs of pistachio, Don Corleone.

Elizabeth

Matt, welcome back.

Matt

Thank you so much. It's great to be here with consequential work and fresh pastries.

Elizabeth

(To Blake) There's fresh pastries?

Blake

No.

Elizabeth

Oh, hey, wait. Has anyone heard from Daisy? What's the news?

Matt

Oh, she's great. She's binge-watching Real Housewives, about ready to pop.

Blake

Oh, tell her to skip Potomac, it's the worst one. I... I heard.

Russell

As far as I'm concerned, you can get on board or get out of the way.

Jay

With respect, Mr. Jackson, that isn't your call.

Russell

(To Elizabeth) Is he gonna be talking to me that way?

Elizabeth

Get on board.

Henry

What'd the Kyrgyz say?

Elizabeth

Radio silence. And the Summit is in limbo until we're back on speaking terms.

Henry

You'd think they'd offer some kind of explanation.

Elizabeth

Normally, they wouldn't have to. Persona non grata is a response to something noisy, like declaring war or committing murder.

Henry

While we're on ominous developments... I just checked the radiator in Alison's room. Radiator's fine. I just wanted to see how she was doing on her design project while she was out to breakfast with Stevie.

Elizabeth

You spied on our daughter.

Henry

As far as I can tell, she hasn't even started yet.

Elizabeth

What?

Henry

Yeah, there's a whole lot of materials, but no sign of construction.

Elizabeth

She watched the entire Vampire Nerds trilogy last night, including Revenge of the Ware-Jocks. We don't have to worry about an empty nest. If Ali fails her midterm, next thing we know, she'll be 40, still living at home and driving us to colonoscopies.

Henry

I'll talk to her.

Elizabeth

Thank you.

Elizabeth

Listen, I know you've been through hell, but I-I need to know what I'm dealing with here. Do you have any idea why you were expelled?

It's much simpler if I offer my resignation.

Elizabeth

No. Not a chance.

But the Human Trafficking Summit...

Elizabeth

I am not going to let Nogoyev abuse my diplomats. It's humiliating. And he is cruel and arbitrary.

It isn't arbitrary ma'am. I, uh, I was... I was involved with Feliks Karimov, the Minister of Health and the president's brother-in-law.

Elizabeth

What?!

He runs a series of clinics for indigent children.

Elizabeth

Oh, my God.

At the time, the-the embassy was involved with health care diplomacy. One thing led to another, and... Nogoyev must have found out. I know it sounds crazy, but we had plans. It made sense.

Elizabeth

Yeah, this is the part that I'm struggling with. How did you allow it to make sense?

Feliks isn't like his brother-in-law. He's-he's patient, funny.

Elizabeth

Oh, Julia, this is, this is bigger than you. I mean... (sighs)... We got here on the backs of decades of women who worked their whole lives to be trusted and taken seriously and you just... (takes a deep breath) ... Our mistakes are magnified. It's not fair. We owe it to each other to remember that.

I know. And it sickens me.

Elizabeth

I'll take that letter now.

Elizabeth

What's this?

Matt

Just a little something to celebrate the successful launch of the Permafrost Protection Project. I thought popsicles were appropriate than champagne.

Jay

Could've gotten champagne popsicles.

Matt

Does that exist?

Jay

If it doesn't, it should.

Matt

Isn't she that crazy consultant lady who threw a chair and had some hysterical breakdown?

Elizabeth

You know, it's funny, isn't it? When...when a man reaches a certain breaking point and throws something, he's passionate, but when a woman reaches the same breaking point, she's hysterical and can't stand the pressure.

Elizabeth

Well, I think I found my exit plan.

Stevie

Yeah, you should totally write a memoir.

Elizabeth

No. Retiring on a farm. Raising animals, growing our own food.

Stevie

Mom, you do realize we already lived on a farm, right?

Russell

Well, it's eleven am, and we have put away a drug lord and a corrupt foreign minister. That's efficiency.

Elizabeth

You should take the rest of the day off, Russell. Maybe catch a yoga class.

Russell

That's...the funniest thing you've ever said to me.

Elizabeth

There isn't a phrase that scares me more than "something needs to be done."

Henry

Why?

Elizabeth

It means no one really knows what to do.

Elizabeth

[about Morejon] You do know we hate each other?

Yeah. It's classic D.C. jiu jitsu. He has to come, you look gracious, he feels awful, and you win. Trust me, it's perfect.

Elizabeth

And he thinks that, just because you're a woman, of course you'd *want* to plan a party.

Stevie

I think it's more that you just can't fire me.

Elizabeth

And you're okay with this?

Stevie

Yeah. Absolutely.

My God, it's like a hostage video.