Do I get a code word? You know, for when you take her down. If so, might I suggest "monkey bottoms"? 'Cause trust me, I can work that into any sentence quite naturally.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Once I engage with her, I will hire her to fix a problem of mine.
Right. Well, if it's that stick up your ass, I'm afraid there's no one strong enough to pull that out.
Let me make myself perfectly clear. I will never, ever, ever sleep with you. Never. Okay? Got it?
Playing hard to get. I like it.
When Hell freezes over, Lucifer.
I can arrange that, actually.
Where did you get this dress anyhow?
Oh, it was left behind by my one of my 'overnight guests'.
What was she wearing when she left?
A smile.
Mm. if I get an STD from this thing, I'm going to kill you.
What in God's name are you doing here?
Nothing in His name. Here on my own, actually.
What are you? Did you do this?
I've been trying to tell you, I'm the Devil.
That's...that's not possible.
I assure you Detective, it is. I mean, you've said yourself, there are things you can't explain. Do you need more proof? You got the gun, come on, shoot me.
No-- I can't shoot you!
Sure you can! Go on, give her a little squeeze, and we'll be good to go.
No!
Just shoot me, Detective, please! Because, maybe, you'll finally--
Good for you! See? Hardly hurts.
I can't believe it...
[pain kicking in] Daaaahhhh, actually, no, it's hurting a little bit. It's-- GOD, it's hurting a lot! Son of a bitch, that really hurts! [looks at the wound, notices blood on his hand] I'm bleeding...
You're bleeding!
God-- Of course you're bleeding!
I thought you didn't lie.
I don't. But I don't always tell the whole truth.
Cool ranch puff?
No, thanks.
No? It's funny, isn't it? You'd think the king of hellfire would be more of a flaming hot guy, but love these bad boys.
But if you insist on continuing this exploration, maybe next time, I won't be around to save your ass.
Well, that is a shame. 'Cause you and my backside used to get on very well. My front side as well, actually.
Please tell me I'm hallucinating.
Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.
BBarista
And your name?
"Mazikeen".
BBarista
How do you spell that?
Surprise me.
The good news is that whilst all dogs go to Heaven, you'd be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in Hell.
I'm now an official civilian consultant for the LAPD. Not that there's anything civil about the Devil. What fun would that be?
This poor sap's either already in Hell or in the "Silver City, enduring Uriel's welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell, if you ask me.
Let's pretend for one second that you're someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.
Ooh, I love role-play.
And yet you keep trying on many hats to hide your horns. Playboy, cop, club owner...
Yes, you forget "master of all things tongue-related."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucifer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.