CCarol
Kate told us you that she heard you and Fiona arguing on the phone.
BBusty
Oh, we argued like trailer trash in a Walmart parking lot on Black Friday.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[contemplating Dan, her pet bullfrog] How far do you think a frog could fall and live?
[pleased] Sounds like a fun experiment... for us, less the frog, but.... You're welcome to use my penthouse if you wish.
I'm not gonna do that, Lucifer.
[discussing taking Chloe with him to Hell] No, no, no, this is a terrible idea. Worst I've heard since some genius decided to cancel Bones.
Why?
Oh, where do I start? That show was the perfect combination of procedure and banter--
No, I mean, Lucifer, I'm talking about me going down to Hell.
Oh.
RRory
What is this?
Oh, dear, do you not have Christmas in the future? Is that my fault as well?
RRory
No, tacky consumerism still exists.
[Lucifer sits atop the Throne of Heaven]
I, Lucifer Morningstar - the Devil - have returned to rule as God Almighty. And it's all thanks to one woman. A woman with the mind of a genius, the patience of a saint. A woman I adore with all of my heart. The greatest therapist the world has ever known: Doctor Linda Martin, MD, PSYD, PhD, MA, MFIL, Master in Science, Master in Technology, Master of the Universe, Ma-
[The image pauses]
[voiceover] This is preposterous! [we see Lucifer and Chloe reading Linda's manuscript, revealing that it was all from Linda's book] I mean, socks with sandals?
What? Your Dad wore them!
Linda, is this what you really think happens?
I don't know what's going to happen! I've been the therapist to the Devil for the last five years, and I still couldn't get him ready to be God! [pauses] I'm a failure. So I wrote a fake ending to make myself feel better.
And the red river? The missing socks?
All caused by our siblings' screwups.
[laughs] Unbelievable. Right, well, I should wake Chloe, tell her the world isn't actually ending.
No, no, no, Luci, look. You heard Ella. Now if this continues to happen, it's gonna have a catastrophic domino effect. Apocalypse by a thousand paper cuts.
Just tell our siblings to stop.
I tried. They don't take orders from me. I believe their exact words were, "You're not the God of us."
RRory
Maybe that's the real reason I came back in time. So you could help me.
So that you can help everyone. Every Dan down in Hell who deserves another chance.
Well,... Well, I suppose I do know what it's like to fall. And also to rise. [realizing] Oh, you cheeky bastard.
Who?
My Dad. He said I'd figure it out, and I did. When He said Hell no longer needs a keeper, it doesn't. It needs a healer. Chloe... I think I finally found my calling!
RReese
Do you really think it's possible to change?
Of course. I mean, look at me. For millennia, I was down here, stuck in my own Hell loop of sorts, thinking I deserved to be in charge of people's punishment. And then even when I left, I found myself in a cycle of selfishness and violence, [smiles] debauchery, sex... Yeah, I mean, clearly it wasn't all bad, but the point is, with the right guidance and the right help, I was able to change, to grow. To... find true meaning in life.
RReese
I wish I could just... take it all back. Everything that I did on Earth.
I hear you. I felt that way, too. I wished I could do everything differently, but then, I wouldn't be the devil I am right now, sitting across from you, right here, would I? [chuckles]
RReese
I dunno. Maybe I'm just a lost cause.
Nonsense, Reese. And certainly not on my watch. Because if the Devil can be redeemed, then anyone can.
[Lucifer opens the door of Hell's 'therapy session' room and sees Chloe.]
Hello, Detective.
I thought you could use a partner. [approaches Lucifer; they kiss]
*[Last lines of the series]
On Screen Text
In the beginning... The angel Lucifer was cast out of Heaven and condemned to rule Hell for all eternity. Until he decided to take a vacation...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucifer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.