Mary-John Lovejoy quotes from Lovejoy

Lovejoy

Oh, you're an artist?

Yes, that's why I have no money.

Eric Catchpole

[Referring to his old girlfriend] That'll put a wrinkle in her knickers.

Lovejoy

Doesn't strike me as the sort of girl who wears them.

Lovejoy

Trust me.

Tinker Dill

Those two words have preceded some of the worst experiences of my life, Lovejoy.

Eric

What did he do?

Lovejoy

Never mind. He's a double-breasted scumbag!

Lovejoy

How's Charley?

Lady Jane

He's a beast... tiger... skunk!

Lovejoy

Just his aftershave.

Lovejoy

[Cheerily] Good morning, Tinker!

Tinker Dill

Oh, Lovejoy, it's disgustingly early!

Charlotte Cavendish

[Angry that her house has been burgled] Who do these people think they are?

Lovejoy

They're burglars. That's who they think they are.

Charlotte Cavendish

[Needing help to recover her stolen artworks] Will you help me or not?

Lovejoy

Expenses, Charlotte. 10% of the insurance evaluation.

Charlotte Cavendish

Do you ever do anything for free, Lovejoy?

Lovejoy

That's a very natty idea, but I don't think it'll catch on.

Lovejoy

[Furious after Eric has caused his valuable gun to fall into the water] That bone-headed rocker that you call a partner has just knocked my Purdey in the drink!

Lovejoy

[Correcting him] Associate.

Charlie Gimbert

What?

Lovejoy

He's an associate, not a partner.

Charlie Gimbert

[Angrily] You should stop associating with imbeciles!

Lovejoy

[Panicking when they find they're trapped] Well, it's gotta be Plan B then, hasn't it?

Charlotte Cavendish

What's that?

Lovejoy

You don't know either?

Lovejoy

Now we're going to put Plan B into operation!

Charlotte Cavendish

You remembered what it was?

Lovejoy

Yes, run!

Charlotte Cavendish

I love your optimism.

Lovejoy

I love your nose!

Lovejoy

Why don't we just make a beeline across the grass?

Charlotte Cavendish

Because it would be worse than raping the Chancellor's wife on the altar of King's College Chapel.

Lovejoy

Who is the Chancellor?

Charlotte Cavendish

I think it's the Duke of Edinburgh.

Lovejoy

Oh, we'll stick to the path, then. His wife's got enough problems!

Charlotte Cavendish

You've got a determined look in your eye.

Lovejoy

What look's that?

Charlotte Cavendish

The one you get when you're determined.

Lovejoy

Well, obviously I'd like to get to know you better, Mary-John - unless that's out of the question, us being kinfolk?

Mary-John Lovejoy

I think we can safely say, cousin, that we're far enough apart in the gene pool.