Mary-John Lovejoy quotes from Lovejoy

Lady Jane Felsham

You see he's always promised it to this ghastly lady novelist, Harriet Barker.

Lovejoy

Oh, I read one of her novels in the nick. Torrid stuff, Jance. Eeech! There's so much sex she obviously wasn't getting any.

Lovejoy

Are you arresting me or what?

I think right now it falls into the or what category?

I'm determined to nick you, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy

I'm big on people with principles.

Lovejoy

Will you meet him?

Tinker Dill

Why not? Looks like rain.

Lovejoy

Rain stops play.

Lovejoy, I'll be honest.

Lovejoy

Major, must you?

We'd like you to do something for us, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy

What's in it for me? I don't work for God, Queen, or country... only for cash!

[to Jenkins] Tell him what's in it for him.

[Menacingly] Good health.

Lovejoy

I knew it would be one of those smart-ass answers.

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Lovejoy

Sorry.

What I could do with a half million pounds right now!

Lovejoy

I know the feeling.

Lovejoy

Have I ever let you down before?

Yes!

Lovejoy

That was then. This is now!

[Admiring an antique clock Lovejoy has just bid him out of] Did well with that clock, didn't you?

Lovejoy

Birmingham Bertha.

The question I ask meself, Lovejoy, is how are you gonna pay for it?

Lovejoy

I've a very philosophical response to that.

Yeah?

Lovejoy

Mind your own business!

[Referring to his relationship with Vicky] I know I'm not what you had in mind for her.

Lovejoy

I didn't have anything in mind.

Lovejoy

[Referring to her young gigolo] Toy boys are out of fashion, Bonnie.

I know. I was always one step behind, wasn't I?

[Admiring one of Lovejoy's garish coffee mugs, "Golfers Do It With Balls!"] Where can I get such China, please? Most amusing.

Lovejoy

[Graciously] A gift to Mr. Kashimoto. Yours to empty. Yours to hold.

[Toasting] Here's to it! Health!

Wealth!

Lady Jane Felsham

Happiness!

Lovejoy

Mud in your eye!

Lovejoy

[interrupting their foreplay after spotting something in the bedroom] Jane, Jane, Jane! You know that an old portfolio always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!

Lady Jane Felsham

[sarcastically] I'm glad something's in working order.

[Referring to the critically injured Marek] Reckon he had enemies?

Lovejoy

Only the Luftwaffe.