Mary-John Lovejoy quotes from Lovejoy

Mary-John Lovejoy

[Drinking moonshine] It's smooth, isn't it?

Lovejoy

Hope the enamel is still on my teeth!

Lovejoy

Listen, some people... chaps, like to keep things private... like Tink. I respected him for that.

Charlotte Cavendish

Fine, OK, fine. Forget it.

Lovejoy

Are you blaming me for something, Charlotte?

Charlotte Cavendish

Sometimes, people... chaps... need to share things, but they need a signal... otherwise they bottle it up... and that can be sad. That's all I'm saying.

Lovejoy

[Looking at a sketch of the girl who robbed him] Jim, excuse me. I saw her at the auction. She's not more than 25!

What are you getting at?

Lovejoy

Well, nothing, Maestro, except you don't look like Gregory Peck anymore.

Nor does Gregory Peck!

Beth Taylor

Who's Gregory Peck?

Lovejoy

A samurai sword.

Charlotte Cavendish

Mmmm! [Takes the photocopy and looks at it] Bet that spilt some blood in its day.

Lovejoy

Its day may not be over. It might only be Group A Rhesus positive, but it's all I got.

[Pouting] Lovejoy, I can't live on bread and kisses.

Lovejoy

A bit starchy, isn't it? You need a bit of protein.

Lovejoy

Have I annoyed you in some way?

Charlotte Cavendish

[Clearly frustrated] I want to make it absolutely plain to you, Lovejoy, that you do not annoy me, and that is what is so completely infuriating.

Charlotte Cavendish

[Looking with distaste at Tink's garish bowtie] Where are you going in that foul thing?

Tinker Dill

Women's Institute.

Charlotte Cavendish

[as Tink walks away] What would Tinker be doing at the Woman's Institute?

Lovejoy

What everyone does at the Women's Institute... talk about sex.

Lovejoy

[Opening his door and seeing Pulver] Arnie... hah, you give me a break?

I'd love to... right around the fourth vertebrae.

[Angrily, as he sees Lovejoy in police headquarters] Hey! Why isn't this man behind bars? First, he robs my gallery, then my house. What now - my soul?

Lovejoy

Where would I find it, Konnie?

Lovejoy

You're a barker. Barkers don't retire.

Tinker Dill

Ronnie Barker did.

Lovejoy

Nelson Mandela is President of South Africa, you're going on the wagon, and I'm getting married.

Tinker Dill

Here's to the three of us.

Tinker Dill

[about his marriage] Are you getting cold feet?

Lovejoy

Can't tell, Tink. I have no feeling below my knees.

Tinker Dill

As long as you have feelings above them.