GGuard
Oxygen deprivation works fast. You'll be unconscious in thirty seconds.
It'll take me ten seconds.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
The money you gave them.
I may habe found a buyer for the Jefferson bottle.
It’s not Hardison’s brew, is it?
Certainly not. In memory of Kristin’s father... and in honor of good friends.
And with hope for the future. (drinks wine) Wow. That’s amazing. It tastes...
Special.
You said you found a buyer for the bottle. You didn’t say “wine”. You said “the Jefferson bottle”.
I meant wine when I said bottle. I mean, it’s not like the next buyer is ever going to taste the wine. It’s too valuable. No, of course I meant (clears throat) wine.
You mean... we are drinking the world’s most expensive wine?
You’re the wine expert.
And you’re never gonna tell me, are you?
I do know the difference between what’s real and what’s fake.
I'm saying that we, uh, I think we went overboard on Christmas gifts last year.
Nate, I love my ECOSSE motorcycle from last Christmas, compliments of my Santa baby.
You spent $100,000 on a motorcycle?
Don't hate the gift. Hate the elf.
I do hate the elf.
So are you saying no Christmas presents at all? Not even something small?
No gifts.
But... How are we supposed to do Christmas without any presents?
Let's just put a limit on spending. Lets say $1,000 (Nate clears his throat.) $100 a (Nate clears his throat.) $50 bucks a person.
Fine. Whatever.
You realize that without that safety study, we got nothing.
Yeah.
So why'd you promise him that?
Because we are not gonna let that toy get released. We're gonna steal Christmas.
We can't con a 6-year-old. You know who we can con? Their parents.
Okay, so, Hardison, you get on that lecture thing. Eliot, you get on the mommies.
And he doesn't mean that literally.
That joke is never funny.
It's always funny.
No, it's not, Hardison. Comedy's about timing and you don't have it!
What do you think parents are most afraid of?
Clowns?
No.
Evil clowns?
No.
Crazy clowns named Gigi who whisper your name from under your bed?
[pauses] No.
Isn't this I don't know... Wrong? Messing with Christmas presents, playing with parents fears? I mean don't you feel just a little bit guilty given the holiday?
No.
I do.
Why?
Because!
Parker, why is it that people give each other Christmas presents?
To be nice!
No. Because they're being programmed by these giant corporations that do all this research to figure out how to push these psychological buttons in people to make them get these presents. Right? Make no mistake. What we're doing is we're manipulating fears and making these toys, all of it... This. This is Christmas. Yeah.
Alright look listen to me. If I'm going to do this. I wanna... I wanna be tough dad. You know what I mean? Cool dad. Just enough to turn her head. Don't go overboard on this! Keep it simple. You know someone who's not afraid to make a PB&J okay, but still wants to go out into the yard, get dirty, kick the soccer ball around a bit. Strict, but fair.
(Two seconds later in a park surrounded by blogger moms)
After my wife passed it was, uh it was very tough for me and my son... Dashiel... to communicate. (choked up) But... that's when Baby Feels-A-Lot came into our lives.
What the problem with getting emotionally butt naked? I'm just trying to share my feelings.
We don't want to see that.
I was talking to Parker, and, I mean, we're a little down about Christmas. We think...we're...kind of ruining the holiday or something.
Hardison, Christmas was pre-ruined. You know how it began?
[gasping] No.
Yeah, it was a fat guy in a chimney.
Christmas began as a pagan, pre-Roman feast involving the sacrifice of children. Ho-ho-ho. [walks away]
Is he serious?
[Sophie shrugs]
I mean, dang, I feel like I just got sucker-punched by an elf-hating, Scrooge-loving, no-gift-giving anti-Claus. I mean, am I bleeding?
Little bit.
Promise me those things will never hit toy shelves.
Nah, I'm keeping him all to myself. I've got them all lined up in my warehouse like an army of joy and rage.
You never want to be in that warehouse alone. Ever.
I think we should give each other some trust for Christmas.
What? Like that willow exercise where you fall back and the other person catches you?
No, not like that.
Good, because I did that once, and I dropped the person, and they had to get stitches.
Still hurts.
I know.
He's going to get the drug.
GDr. Giallo
I don't want to give them false hope.
The thing about false hope is that, uh, the sting of it fades. Unanswered prayer's, eventually, those - those go away too. But the idea that his parents could have done something, anything, to have their kid's life but didn't? Don't let them carry that burden. Alright? Let's not do that? I'll take care of this.
It's just that this is the kind of mastermind stuff you usually go off and do by yourself, you know? Well, you and your bottle. But lately, you've been involving me in the planning. And not just the heist, the cons, too.
Parker, you know, you don't let feelings get in the way. You... You rotate problems, security, people, timelines. You spin them in the three-dimensional space, like puzzle pieces until they click. It's not the way I think, but... I trust your judgment. I really do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Leverage pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.