I did my job. You told me to get us into the penthouse.
NNate
Yeah, by following my plan, Parker.
What?
NNate
By getting us all in safely.
Did the elevator decapitate you? Did it decapitate you?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[throws envelope on the table] This isn't for me. It's addressed to somebody named Alice White.
You are Alice White. It's one of the aliases I made for you: vegetarian, bookkeeper. She had a pretty wild time at her sister's wedding in Phoenix. You should check out her Facebook page.
Alice White has jury duty.
Damn, I am good.
Yeah, congratulations. Alice thanks you for getting her out of it.
NNate
No. No. Jury duty. A place where you have to follow instructions.
Where you have to consider other people's point of view.
There's gonna be normal people there, Nate.
NNate
No, no, no. You're not getting out of this. Alice White is reporting for jury duty.
[whispering to Parker] I hope the rest of this case is this good. [laughs]
[whispering back] What'd you have for breakfast? You smell like gravy.
EEarnshaw
Nothing's more dangerous than the confused when they think they know something.
I think it's funny. You know, it reminds me a bit of rugby, except, well, you Americans, you wear the helmets and the pads and everything so you don't get hurt.
Oh, you didn't.
What?
I think there's something dirty going on with this trial and the woman who lost her husband's gonna get hurt even worse, and that we should, um, you know, get involved.
NNate
Involved? What--what do you--
No, no, no. No, no, no. You don't understand. They had hidden cameras, and the lawyers had comms like our comms.
First, move! Second, nobody has our comms.
NNate
Parker, listen, there is not some evil conspiracy lurking behind the curtain of every routine civic activity.
I make our comms. Me. I make 'em. Ain't nobody got our comms, do what I do.
NNate
Now, what's happening is, you're on a boring jury trial. Okay? Now, could you... [Parker storms off] Parker! Just...
You know, she's never done that before.
NNate
What, stormed out? Come on.
No, asked for our help.
You know, man, when I was a, when I was a kid, I was like 8 years old, I had a foster mom who was Jehovah’s Witness. She used to dress me up in a suit and a bow tie and take me door-to-door to spread the word. Black neighborhoods, white neighborhoods, didn't matter. I would kick, I’d scream, or whatever, but she would say "Alec, you need to learn how to talk to people." See, everything I learned about people, I learned ringing doorbells and-and-and being in a bow tie. Parker never had that. I mean, jumping from a skyscraper, she's cool. But making small talk? It’s-it's like pure terror. Just cut her some slack.
NNate
All right. We have a new client. Apparently, there is an evil conspiracy lurking behind the curtain of every routine et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
JJuror
And this is Emily. She's the eldest, and her sister Anne. And little Charlotte, she's the baby of the family.
[Points to one picture] That one's really cute! [Points to another] What's wrong with that one? It looks like a dog in a baby suit.
It's your turn to be in the dumpster.
No, man, no. I-I have-I have peanut allergies. What if somebody threw in some extra crunchy Skippy? Then, you know, it's just a [wheezing] all up in my vocal area, man. Do you want to give me mouth-to-mouth? No, none of us want that. Hell no.
[Eliot throws a trash bag at Hardison’s head. Hardison looks up, angry]
Heads up.
QQuint
How much money are we talking?
[Sophie turned the sand pad, revealing the number 100,000,000]
QQuint
[Sputtering] You...you're serious?
I flew 14,000 kilometers to give you that number.
QQuint
That's a very long trip.
That's a very long number.
Okay, today did not go well, but that's all right. You know, we learn when we fail. We're gonna-we're gonna go back to basics, and we're gonna do a little role-playing. Gonna start with-with persuasion techniques. So, Eliot has an apple. Alice has an orange.
I love apples. Apples are my favorite fruit.
Good for you, sparky.
I-I don't have to sit here and take this crap.
Go on. Just do it for me.
You have an orange, all right? Now, convince me that I want the orange, not the apple. I'm gonna take a bite. [slowly brings the apple to his mouth and takes a bite]
I put a razor blade in that apple.
[He spits the bite of apple out] Are you serious?
Maybe. But do you know what doesn’t have a razor blade in it? This orange. [smells the orange] Don't you want it? [tosses the orange at Eliot and leaves]
You fell for that?
I'm starving!
Me too. I could kill for a steak.
I thought you were a vegetarian.
Oh, yeah. I meant a bean steak. A steak made out of beans, held together with soy glue.
Alice, we all cheat a little. I mean, I’m a nutritionist, and I spend all day teaching people to eat healthy. But if I have a bad day, I go home and plow into a tub of ice cream.
Wait! Wait a second. That was a secret. You just told me a secret, right? That's something friends do.
Well, I guess so. You're the nicest one here.
Really? I mean, thanks.
ESEarnshaw's Assistant
Ma'am, it all checks out. Unless Gloria Vargas found some guy who created a CIA Level cover story and fake identity...
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