Ms. Marino must be here for the obligatory grieving-mother footage.
Nothing like a parent's worst nightmare for must-see TV.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
According to the suit, you conspired with Detective Stabler to deprive Paddy Kendall of his civil and Constitutional rights. Did you?
No.
Pity. Guy sounds like a douchebag.
[Benson finds out that Simon is her half-brother]
Why don't you go talk to Marsden?
And say what? "Hi, I'm Olivia. Your dad raped my mom." And, "Oh, I found you because I illegally ran my DNA."
In my opinion, Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance and emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers.
In other words ...
They're too close.
You recommend I split them up?
If you want to lose your two best detectives.
Who today has 10 kids?
Not even Catholics.
[to a priest] So I confess to murder, what do you do? "Say five Hail Marys, hallelujah"?
You could start a bonfire with all the alcohol this one drank. What's your poison, honey?
RReagan
Shut up, you dirty old man.
Who you calling old?
MMatt
You can't keep us in here!
I'm sure your daddy will bail your ass out.
I called him two hours ago. Looks like daddy thinks he could use a night in jail.
You finish processing the princess, and I'll take them all down to central booking.
LLuke
You can't do this! I want my parents!
Yeah, and I want the troops home, the Kyoto protocol signed, and a Tijuana oil job from Miss February.
You're sleeping with a teenage boy.
LLillian
Jordan's a man. He's 17, it's not a crime.
Oh, it oughta be. You're old enough to be his mother.
LLillian
Barely. When I was his age, I was pregnant with Becca.
So you're reliving your lost childhood? Is that it?
LLillian
You don't get it. When was the last time a man your age asked you out?
Oh, we're not talking about me. I'm not the one who's sleeping with a teenager.
LLillian
It's been a while since you had a date, hasn't it? That partner of yours is cute. But I bet he likes them younger. My ex sure did. I wasted ten good years on Wally before I found out he was schtupping his secretary. When he ran out on us, I was angry at first. But then I realized, if he could have a younger woman, I could have a younger man.
Your husband leaving you hardly justifies you sleeping with a high school student.
LLillian
Why are you so bitter? Did someone leave you? Or maybe you had a chance once. Someone wanted to marry you, you thought you wanted something more?
And your "something more" is a teenage boy?
LLillian
He knows his way around the bedroom.
And apparently around your liquor cabinet. What, you have to get him drunk to get him to sleep with you?
LLillian
Hardly. He came on to me. Asked me to be his teacher.
So when was his first lesson?
Doing time doesn't seem to scare him.
Because he knows it's an empty threat. Best we can do is a misdemeanor. Unless he has a prior record.
You just said the magic words. "Prior record." Does the date October 26, 2005 mean anything to you?
Chicago White Sox won the World series. First time since 1970.
It was also the first time Jordan was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct. He tossed a beer bottle through a neighbor's bedroom window and then urinated on her front steps.
You can't hold your liquor, can you?
The judge took it easy on him 'cause he was only 15, but you're an adult now.
JJordan
So what?
So you're looking at 15 days in jail, a $250 fine, and community service.
MMicky
Is it just me you got a thing for or is it all men?
Oh, you’re the one with a “thing” problem, Micky… Those two girls said you got soft when you raped them. Is that why you hate all women?
MMicky
What I hate is a bull dyke who gets a little power and thinks she has to use it.
SSimon
Olivia, please believe me, I didn't rape anybody, I'm not a rapist!
I don't believe rapists, and I know you are one, Simon.
[after Olivia roughs up a suspect in interrogation and she has to be removed from the room] What the hell is your problem?
We got a confession, didn't we?
And what part of that do you think is gonna stand up in court? A five-year-old could have done a better job!
Then go hire one.
I have had it with your crap.
[Olivia is about to leave, but Cragen stops her]
Cragen: We are not finished yet.
You get your hands off me.
You go home. Now.
[to Stabler] We're your family, not a booty call. Either come home, or don't, there's no in between.
OHO'Halloran
[while recreating a murder with Stabler] You can aim it a hundred different ways, but unless you break my wrist you're not going to be able to make that mark. Now try shooting yourself.
GGates
I want to report a rape.
One of your clients take advantage of you, counselor?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Law & Order: Special Victims Unit pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.