I'm gonna make a good living. Plus, I'll practically never hit you or nothin'...
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
No thank you. I'd rather sell my body to science.
Who else would buy it, DeFazio?
What kind of guys give girls dimes to dance?
Guys with small change.
[To Shirley, after seeing her stuffed chest] Look at you! You're all... swelled up! What do you, got the mumps?
I know that voice, and I hate the person it's attached to!
Hair all grungy, full of goo, shake and brush out, Quicky Poo!
We're suing that company! We're suing Quicky Poo, we're suing the cleaners, and we're suing Kukla, Fran and Ollie!
Sue Kukla and Fran, but not Ollie.
I'm shaving my legs. This ugly stubble is showing through my nylons.
Ugly stubble, huh? That's what holds my nylons up!
You got nylons? All I got was a glow-in-the-dark snow scraper.
Where am I going to get water?
I don't know, just get me some water from SOME place!
[Laverne looks towards the toilet and smiles]
[Pops her head out the shower] Don't even think about it.
My scalp is all itchy, I feel like I have athlete's head!
Oh my God, she's cooking herself to death!
Hey don't kill yourself Shirl, They'll be other fires!
LSLenny and Squiggy
[In unison] Fire, fire, fire, someone get the net! Here come the firemen, to get the fire wet! SHHH goes the hose and DING goes the bell....
Darn it! Thou Shall Not Kill is missing! I can't wear THIS!
We won't go out with just any old creep!
Yeah, only those who ask us!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Laverne & Shirley pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.