CBCattleprod Bounty Hunter
[knocks Wade down] You got a price on your head, Whipple. And I'm here to collect. [activates his cattleprod; Wade sees a red light coming closer to the room, and snickers.] What's so funny?
Oh, nothing. You just picked a fight with the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy. And I'm his favorite student. [Knuckles arrives in the room, which made the bounty hunter shocked. Knuckles charges up with his Chaos energy and punches the hunter straight through the wall, making him fall to the other house.] That's gonna affect the resale.
[hears something in the house] We've got company.
[Wendy is cornered in the kitchen by two bounty hunters holding baseball bats, as she holds a pan to defend herself.]
WWendy
Your move, creeps. [grabs another pan]
[enters the kitchen] Mother Whipple!
WWendy
Knuchles, protect the candles at all costs. [throws one of her pans to the hunters]
[Knuckles charges to the bounty hunters, as he and Wendy fight them, destroying the kitchen in the process and keeping the Shabbat candles safe, as "Hava Nagila" plays in the background. Wendy and Knuckles knock out the last bounty hunter, who nearly falls into the candles... until he is grabbed and tossed to the floor by Wade.]
Mom! Sorry about the uh... house. [Wendy begins to smile.] You okay? Are you happy? Did I miss something?
WWendy
My kids finally came home for Shabbat. The whole family came together. To protect one another, to care for one another. What more could a mother want? Thank you, Knuchles. [Knuckles nods back.] This... is the best damn Shabbat dinner we ever had. [kisses both her children] Good Shabbos, sweetie. You too, darling.
[The Whipples and Knuckles watch happily as the candles finally go out.]
[Wade wakes up in a giant cage on wheels after being kidnapped by Jack Sinclair, which is attached behind a limo.]
JJack
Ah, that's a good chap. You're through the worst.
Really? Feels like I'm in the middle of the worst right now. Whatever this is.
JJack
Let me tell you the first rule of bounty hunting: Know your target like he's your former best friend. And in this case... [informs his app that he caught Wade] He is. The treasures one finds on Facebook Marketplace. The guy I bought it from was a total weirdo, though.
Jack, please don't do this to me.
JJack
I believe I already have.
Do you even know why there's a price on my head? Do you even care? When did you become so heartless?
The second rule of bounty hunting: Never let things get personal.
You're my best friend! This is very personal!
JJack
You're right, Wade. I should level with you. I'm in dire financial straits. Due to my lawsuit against an unnamed rainforest-themed restaurant franchise, I don't have two pennies to my name.
I told you, the robotic birds in that restaurant make the same joke no matter who walks in.
JJack
They were PERSONAL ATTACKS!!!
[Some crows in the sky caw and fly away because of Jack's loud shouting.]
JJack
Never mind. Turning you in, equals turning my life around. But if it helps, I'm truly sorry.
[sarcastically] Yeah, that does actually help. Thank you.
Jack, think about it. How did we get...
[Jack pulls a lever, and Wade is electrocuted while holding the bars.]
AVAutomatic voice
Do not touch bars.
JJack
Simple. I trapped you, lured you, and cleverly snared you. I was hoping for a little bit more of a fight, to be honest.
I mean, as friends. How did we get here? First Reno and the Renegades, now this stupid bounty. Did you ever value our friendship at all?
JJack
We had a good run, but you and I are like the frog carrying the scorpion across the river.
Oh, my God. Not with this story, it goes on forever.
JJack
You allow me to ride on your back; despite knowing I cannot resist my nature to sting you. Even if it means we both drown. Except, I'm also a scorpion who knows how to swim. An exquisite scorpion... with beautiful hair and a way with the ladies. Alright, let's get this show on the road.
Jack. JACK! [grabs the bars but gets electrocuted again]
AVAutomatic voice
Do not touch bars.
JJack
[chuckles] Woo-hoo! [enters the limo while Bill and Mrs. Barnes look at him disgusted, while Susie plays with a Nintendo Switch] Sorry about that, gang. One quick drop-off, then it's Reno, baby. Woo! [pushes a remote control, and a karaoke machine is activated and plays "Send Me an Angel" by Real Life] Karaoke time. You ready, Susie's dad, whose name I can't remember?
BBill
For the third time, it's Bill!
JJack
[on mic] I don't care. [starts singing] ♪ Do you believe in Heaven above? Do you believe in love? ♪ Take it, Susie's dad. [throws the microphone to Bill, but it hits the window]
BBill
You didn't tell you were gonna throw it.
[In Wade's cage behind the limo, Wade's phone rings.]
Ah, come on. Dude. [answers the call] Jack, if this is a prank call, I am really not in the mood for it right now.
[on the phone] Listen to me, Wade. Time is of the essence.
Knuckles! You have to bust me outta here.
[on the phone] You must bust yourself out, Wade. By learning where a warrior's true strength lies.
Okay, I understand what you're trying to do.
[on the phone] You will travel to our ancestral lands, the Great Battleground in the Sky.
[on the phone] Now, clear your mind and slip into a deep meditative state.
[closes his eyes and tries to mediate] I think it's working. I'm ascending.
[Inside the limo, Jack is still having fun to himself.]
JJack
Let's put some wattage in this cottage!
[on the live camera screen] I'm ascending to...
JJack
Electrocute! [pushes a button on the remote]
[Wade gets electroshocked by the cage's voltage and falls unconscious. The screen cuts to black.]
AVAutomatic voice
Do not touch bars.
[Wade wakes up in a spiritual realm, which takes the form of Neon Nightz Lanes.]
PPachacamac
I'll tell where you are, Wade. [Wade screams upon encountering the echidna, who does so too.] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down! [Wade stops screaming.] Here, let me make you more comfortable. [transforms into a bowling alley employee]
PPachacamac
Let's try again. I'll tell you where you are, Wade. The Great Battleground in the Sky!
[looks around] The Great Battleground in the Sky is... a bowling alley?
PPachacamac
Well, for you it is. For most people, this place has more of a Florida feel, with all-you-can-eat shrimp. But this... is your battleground.
PPachacamac
My name's Pachacamac.
[realizes] Wait. Knuckles told me about you. You're the legendary leader of the Echidna tribe.
PPachacamac
In the flesh, baby.
Well, it's an honor to meet you, Chief, um...
Yeah. Chief... Pamachacaw.
PPachacamac
Y'know what? Mac's fine.
Okay. If that's... easier for you. I certainly have no problem with the correct pronunciation.
Things are starting to make some obviously clear and logical sense. Knuckles must've sent me here because this is my next lesson. Hold on. Are you gonna teach me something amazing and essential to my real-life predicament?
MMac
I'm not just going to teach it to you, Wade. I'm going to have it sung to you as part of a low-budget rock opera. Now, please open your mouth. [takes out his wand]
Um, I'm not really comfortable with that. [laughs nervously]
MMac
Just do it, man. Rainbow! [His wand shoots a ray of rainbows into Wade's mouth.]
