[Wade and Knuckles are at the front door of Wade's childhood home, as Wade rings the doorbell.]
Stay hidden, until I give you the signal.
Why?
'Cause I think you're gonna freak people out.
[Knuckles hides as the door opens and Wade is greeted by his mother, Wendy, who is surprised by his arrival.]
Hi, Mom. I'm home.
Wade, my little hamantaschen! [greets Wade with a kiss] How long has it been? Well, I can tell you exactly how long it's been. Two years, three months, and 13 days. Not that I'm marking my calendar.
[Both Wade and his mother laugh.]
Clearly. Uh, listen, Mom, it's good to be home. I-I do have something to...
[Wade's sister, Wanda, arrives in the front door.]
[takes off her sunglasses] 'Sup, Wade?
[shows a little jealousy] 'Sup, Wanda?
I gotta tell you. If you're... back here because you lost your squad car again, you wanna borrow Mom's Volvo, don't bother. Volvo is too much car for you anyways.
Wanda...
Maybe you should just stick to embarrassing yourself on the little baby scooter you've been taking on duty instead.
[serious] Wanda!
Know what's embarrassing?
What?
You are wearing a windbreaker inside.
Oh, Wade.
There's no wind in here. That's insane!
I bet my whole life is insane to a local cop like you 'cause I'm out there breaking cases, dude. I'm going undercover. I'm working for the FBI...!
What is that? Why do you say it like that?
That's how everybody in the FBI says it.
Then they should reprint the jackets.
That would be so dumb, Wade.
Why are you here? [to Wendy] Why is she here?
Yo! I'm here protecting the SODOTOTUS. [Wade chuckles upon hearing that word.] That's the "Secretary of the Department of Transportation for the United States". He's rolling in, and I'm working his 'cade. That means motorcade. That's what we call it in the FBI because it saves valuable seconds so we can save more lives.
Mm-hmm.
Are we done?
Mm-hmm.
Mom, I need to tell you something. I, uh, brought someone here.
[surprised] Oh. Oh!
Yes.
A friend?
Well...
A girlfriend?
Mm...
Is she Jewish?
[Wade laughs awkwardly as Knuckles arrives at the door, and Wanda gets her battle stance ready.]
Great matriarch of the Whipple clan. [does a bow] I bow my head to you in respect, and I thank you for giving us safe harbor in our time of need.
[Wendy ends up fainting.]
[to Knuckles] Probably should have opened with your introduction in retrospect.