Kitchen Nightmares Season 1 quotes

[starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?

I haven't got the appetite, Joe.

I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."

What the fuck are you on? What the fuck are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy". An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a fucking good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your fucking arsehole?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his fucking farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up, Joe! You're joking, aren't you?

We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.

It's disgusting, Joe!

So you wouldn't give me any input on it?

Get rid of it!

You want me to get rid of it right fucking now?!

I would! I would!

Get rid of the fucking thing! We don't have it!

Oh, here we go! Here we go!

We don't have it!

Here we fucking go!

Make yourself clear.

Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy." ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!

So don't - fucking - serve the thing, right?

WHOSE RESTAURANT IS THIS?!

It's my restaurant, and I'm asking for fuckin' help!

(over) THEN ACT... FUCKING RESPONSIBLE!!!

I'm asking for FUCKIN' help!

THEN WAKE UP!!

YOU wake up!

IDIOT!!

Fuckin' come in here and help me, instead of running your jaw!

You shouldn't even be in the kitchen! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!

(under) Go ahead! Go ahead! You put it all together! You got it right!

(to Tom) Let's finish this. Let's finish it. (to Joe) FUCK OFF THEN!

You fuck off!

(throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that shit with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!

That's all I'm asking!

GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the fucking problem. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-real.

Greasy as anything. It's a huge ball of grease. I love moussaka, but that is miles off. Moussaka? Mou-suck.

I've never seen this before! Every fucking fridge is full of fresh stuff and old stuff. Unfortunately, the old stuff's tainting the fresh stuff, so what you think is fresh is no longer fresh. And those poor fuckers out there are eating this.

Can I-?

No, you can't. I'm not going to let you cook any more. Yeah, that's right. You want to continue cooking? You think it's funny, do you? No, Alyse, if anyone can walk past ROTTEN food in a fridge, and continue cooking fresh, you shouldn't be FUCKIN' anywhere near food! And then when I hear, "Oh, I've never seen that before!" THEN OPEN YOUR FUCKIN' EYES!

I just don't believe this. You know, what happened to "check things"?

I don't know what happened.

(fishing out a beer can from a bucket) What the fuck is this!? Do you guys like this shit to drink? Don't leave those in there for so long! (gestures wildly to the fridge) Look! Look in there! That's embarrassing!

But we don't use it.

I can't keep up with everything! I fuckin' baby-sit you like kids! And you still fuck me! I don't need to baby-sit; if I want to baby-sit, I'd go baby-sit my granddaughter! She's more fun than you guys!

I thought it would be a good idea to open a restaurant.

Were you intoxicated at the time?

Looks like Chappy took a crappy in my gumbo.

I’m not going to say this in front of your staff - you’re a joke.

You’ve taught every chef in the world how not to cook.

I am going to really hurt somebody if they send back my cakes!

We're waiting on one pizza.

It's coming now. It's coming now, now.

You keep saying that. You've been saying that for an hour.

Look at him. He's like, "where's my pizza?"

Heh, really?

Send him home!

Yeah, your pizza, it's coming. You want to wait, you wait. You don't want, pay what did you have, and you fuck off from here, do you understand?

Samy.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU FUCK YOURSELF! OUT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Are you fucking kidding me?

You - OUT! Don't stay in here, go out!!

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

I FUCKIN' - FUCK YOU!

Samy, please -

I hope this place goes under.

Call the police!

Shut up! You pay and go!

Pay for what? I didn't have anything! Are they for real?

[somewhat hysterical after Samy fights several customers] This is - you guys, I make excellent food! You motherfuckers, you all... think that you can come in here and say these things? Are you kidding me!? This is ridiculous! I've never seen anything like this before!!

Wow. Ten-dollar tip?

Yeah.

Nice. For you?

Of course, yeah. Why not?

Don't you think the girl deserves some tips tonight?

No. They get paid hourly.

And so, did you think that if I went and asked every customer that when they leave a tip, it goes straight to the owner and not to the server, do you think they'd be astounded? Let me ask that table there. (to the customers at the table) Sir, the tip that you left to the young lady server, the owner takes the tips.

That's horrible!

No, no, no, no!

Hey - (turning on Samy) Don't FUCK with me!

Yeah, I will fuck with you! Who the fuck do you think you are!?

Oh, my god. Samy's going to hurt him.

I'm fed up. I'm getting sick and tired of your bullshit.

Don't speak with me like a villain.

Well then fucking answer my question.

(under him) I am the gangster, not you.

Then fucking answer my question. Tell the customers they're going to get their tips!

No, they don't.

They should be told that you're taking them, because these servers deserve them.

You want to speak with me?

Yeah, I want to speak with you.

Do you want to fuck with me? I will fuck with you.

I don't want to fuck with you.

Then, I will fuck with you.

Oh, my god. What a joke.

I can't help people... that can't help themselves... and cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. And if you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream, whatever you want to say. But, this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff. It's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu. And it's not normal for the level of animosity that you built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me... is to get out of here. Good luck.

Wow.

This is what you wanted?

Yeah, of course this is what I wanted. I'm not participating in this shit, give me a break! (points to her microphone) Can I take this thing off me? (interview) We don't need his help! Maybe he knows that.

It all has to come down.

(interview) And now he's gone, he walked away. He'll go on with his life, and Samy and I will go on with our life.

Well, it's finally happened. After almost a hundred Kitchen Nightmares, I met two owners who I could not help. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because they are incapable of listening. And in a short period of time, they've managed to piss off the community and go through over a hundred employees in one year. Samy and Amy continued to blame everyone else, yet their biggest problem is themselves. And I know whatever changes I would've made, they were never going to stick with them and that's why I've decided to do something I've never done before. It's such a shame.

Good evening, and welcome to a very special edition of Kitchen Nightmares. Last year, something happened that shocked me and millions of you, when I tried to help a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was forced to do something I've never done – walk away. I went to Amy's Baking Company to help, but the owners were incapable of listening. There was such a strong reaction to the episode, that we decided to give you an update on what's happened since. We'll also show you some footage that has never been seen before, and we'll hear from Amy and Samy themselves. But first, a brief reminder of my wild journey at Amy's Baking Company.

[during an interview with Ana Garcia] We were made to look like the most psychotic, lunatic people in the universe, and after watching Kitchen Nightmares, I see all the crazy, but I don't see any of the good. I know the people that came here were Yelpers because I have proof of it. They were on Yelp talking about it after they were filming and before they were coming here. This is not stuff that I've invented. I'm not delusional, I'm not crazy, yes we are passionate, yes we are wild! If I came after you, you would probably stand up too. If I came after anybody else, you would defend yourself, wouldn't you? If you have a family, wouldn't you defend it? Has it been stressful? Stressful, yes, it's been very stressful. We've had people walk through my doors, come casually over here like this, walk over, look at the display case, keep going like this, and then leave! And then my waitress comes up to me– Now we have waitresses because we had to change our whole procedure, because the whole universe thinks my husband was stealing their tips. So we tried something new: I took all the negative things that Gordon Ramsay said, and I tried to improve on it, that's why I had him come here! People come here to try to set us up because they think it's fun and 'cause they have a heart on for Gordon Ramsay. There was one person, he left on this plate; and I have it in my office, and I have the surveillance camera proof of it-- he puts a giant rubber cockroach on the plate and left it there, left without buying a cake and thought that was funny. We are dealing with that daily-- it's not gonna work here. We stood up to Gordon Ramsay, we're gonna stand up to the WORLD! Cause we don't go down without a fight! We have to show the world and every single business owner out there, that you have to stand up, you cannot let anyone shake you down; we have a voice, he has a voice, and it's up to us to stay strong and to show our true product and what we really have to offer here at Amy's Baking Company. And that's it!