What about me? I'm stuck at home with Epponnee on my face, mum on my back and Kel up my goat. How would you like it?
Don't get all pussy-bum on me.
I'm just bored, Brett. Bored stupid.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Frankly, these days a spa pool is essential if you're going to over-capitalise.
It's beautiful! It's got a gym, a pool and a mezza-noyne.
A mezza-noyne?!
TTogether
It's noyce, it's diff'rent, it's un-ewes-ual, yes, a mezza-noyne.
[To Kel, upon hearing that they've been chosen to star in an adult nappies commercial] You wouldn't believe the money, Kel, they're talking THREE figures!
What are you reading there, Kim?
The Da Vinci Code, I'm reading it to Epponnee as a bedtime story.
Oh, yes, I'm reading that, but I'm reading the abridged version. It's called the Eensie-Weensie Da Vinci Code.
Mum, why is there barely any water in here?
Well it's a drought Kim! Phase 2 at the moment!
Oh, just fill it up -- I would!
No Kim! The farmers! [quietly] Actually Kim, Kel did fill it up the other day but bozzo next door dobbed us in.
So what are we sitting in now?
This is grey water, it's washing up water.
[takes sponge out of water and throws it on ground] Ewwww! Mum!
Well Kim, that's what we're reduced to, thanks to -- [neighbour sticky-beaks] Oh yes! Having a good butcher's, are we? No, don't try and hide! We can see you!
We can see you!
[To Kylie Minogue] Let's celebrate! Would you like a car-donnay, Kylie?
Stewpid girl, Kim. It's not car-donnay, the correct pronunciation is shah-donnay.
Mum, it's French, the haitch is silent. Back me up, here, Kylie!
KKylie
Yeah, she's right, Mrs. D., I've been to Paris, and h is silent, it's car-donnay.
Well, excuse me for living, Kylie.
Where pacifically in the specific were you gonna go, Mrs D.?
What is so wrong with two baby-boomers getting it on for a photo while we're still both incredibly fit?
[After Kel experiences heartburn masquerading as angina.] Well, you heard what Dr. Ng said. Gotta go all low-fat from now on. Gotta watch your cholesterol. I mean, I don't want you pushing up the daisies just when I'm smelling the roses.
It'll be good for us, and I can afford to lose a few kilos. We can see it as a bit of a challenge.
Yeah! It'll be something to do, won't it, doll? Oh goodie! I feel a bit energised by your near-death experience.
Mum, your pants are split.
Oh, no, I just bought these lovely latte capris. They must have shrunk in the wash.
No, I think this time you're the one stacking on the kilos! I think for once, the mule is on the other foot.
You're the mule, you stupid girl.
"(talking about Epponnee) She could be prime minister..."
"I'm thinking bigger than that, Brett. She could be on Neighbours!"
[In a flash-forward 20 years, to an offscreen Epponnee-Rae.] Epponnee, hurry up! And don't forget your fake-tan.
Epponnee, Silver Lady Coaches called. The flying saucers are going to be here any minute!
Awww, little Epponnee-Rae, it's alright darling, Epponnee Raelene Charlene Kathleen Darlene Craig. You are getting more and more like your boo-tiful granny as the days go by. Look at her hair, Kimmie, it's getting a nice frizz to it!
Oh, don't wish that on her! Although, I do think, luckily, personality-wise she's going to be like me.
[In a flash-forward, to his daughter Epponnee, played by Kylie Minogue, on her wedding day] You look like a fairy-tale princess, Epps!
EEpponnee
Tell me something I don't know, Dad!
I think you look really gorgeous, Epps.
EEpponnee
Well, you're only hyew-man!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kath & Kim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.