Joker quotes from Justice League

Joker

She can send out thought waves that can alter perception... but enough with the jargon, she can drive you crazy just by looking at you - either in person, or on TV. Even as I speak, millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes are slowly losing your grip on reality - which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway. But you can't look away, even though you know something is terribly wrong. And the best part is, I'm immune to all of this because I'm ALREADY crazy.

Joker

[punches Batman] Big old Bats has fallen down. [punches him again] On the ground. [again] Mind unsound. [again] Big old Bats has fallen down [again] I'm so happy!

Lex Luthor

"The best at what you do". What was I thinking?!

We did everything we could.

Lex Luthor

Did you? Did you fight like your lives depended on it? Did you fight to the last man?

Shade

You get what you pay for, Luthor.

Lex Luthor

Are you saying you want MORE money? You want to be rewarded for failure?! I oughta take the whole bunch of you and-

Solomon Grundy

[grabs him around the neck] And what?!

Lex Luthor

Go ahead! Do it! You'll be saving me months of bedpans and feeding tubes! And you'll also guarantee that none of you will ever see a penny from me!

Solomon Grundy

[pauses, then drops Luthor] You're crazy.

Joker

[entering] And what's wrong with that? It's done wonders for me!

Lex Luthor

[annoyed] Get out of here!

Joker

Oh, Lexy, I'm hurt! How could you have this little party without inviting me?

Lex Luthor

It's not a party. Grundy, get rid of him.

Joker

But seriously Lex, you need me.

Lex Luthor

Like I need skin rash.

Joker

Maybe so, but I know something you don't know: I know how the Bat thinks!

Joker

Lex, Lex, listen to someone who KNOWS. [whispering and pointing to Luthor's gun] Don't wait. Do it now.

Lex Luthor

You don't like my decisions? Leave! [pushes him away]

Joker

And they say I'm crazy.

Joker

She's been down there too long...

Lex Luthor

Forget it. There's no way I'm going to leave you alone with him.

Joker

But, Lexy, where's your sense of fun? Besides, it won't cost you a cent!

Joker

No fair! How did you get free?!

Batman

I could have escaped any time. But I thought I'd hang around to keep an eye on you clowns. [punches Joker]

Joker

[dazed] You're dethpicable!

Joker

While they stumble around trying to find my bomb, let's see how the local economy's doing.

Joker

Oh, it looks a little slow. [An old woman is shown at one of the slots] Ma'am? Ma'am? Aren't you scared?

[not looking up] Of what? This thing's gotta pay up sooner or later.

Joker

Man, I LOVE this town!

Hawkgirl

Why not put a force field around it and let it blow?!

Green Lantern

I don't know if I can contain an explosion that size!

Hawkgirl

Maybe you should let me defuse it!

Green Lantern

Maybe you should shut up!

Joker

Phew! Is it just me or is there something going on between those two? Will Green Lantern ever admit to his feelings? Will Hawkgirl ever stop sublimating her passions with that big honkin' mace? Will true love conquer all? [raises his detonator] Not on my show!

Hawkgirl

JOHN!

Superman

Give it up, kid. There's no way you can beat me.

I don't have to beat you. I just have to slow you down until the bomb blows!

Superman

Hold that thought! [Punches Ten high into the sky, and defuses the bomb. Ten falls back down] Now, where were we?

Joker

A person could really learn to hate that guy. Let's go back to watching Green Lantern croak - that should cheer me up.

Batman

Harley! Where's Joker?

After all these years, you still think I'd give up Mister J?

Batman

Why not? He gave you up.

That was a long time ago! He's changed! We've been to couple's counseling!

Batman

I'm talking about right now. Or haven't you been watching the show? You've seen the way he touches her hair, the way he rubs her shoulders.

You mean Ace? She's just a kid!

Batman

Really? Then why is she with him while you're out here in the cold?

Joker

Have to admit, didn't see that one coming...

Joker

Even you can't disarm one of my bombs in time!

Flash

Shut up!

Joker

What kind of retort is that? You're not even trying!

Joker

We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding!

And just what is it that I'm not understanding?!

Joker

That we're two of a kind. That you'll always come back to me.

Yeah, I guess I do, don't I...?

Joker

Like the swallows in Capistrano. And there's one other thing you're not getting.

[innocently] What?

Joker

[enraged] THAT YOU LED BATMAN RIGHT TO MY DOORSTEP! [smacks Harley away] Tough love. Very effective, don't you think so, Batman? [silence] Yoo-hoo? Batman? I know you're up there s- OH! [Batman punches him] Oh, there you are.

Joker

Just... Just a souvenir, that's all! Give me that! [Tries to take it back]

[stands up and advances on Joker] "I'm not afraid of you..."

Joker

[scared] Wait ... puh-please ...! [backs away]

"I know what it's like to frighten other people. That's why I'm not afraid of you. I'm the only one."

Joker

Don't do this! [cowers in fear and closes his eyes, obviously terrified]

[petting Joker's head] Do what?

Joker

[looks up] That's my little Acey! Everything's going to be... AAAAAARRGH!