Joker quotes from Justice League

Joker

Hello, Kitty! [knocks Cheetah out with a high-voltage joy-buzzer] And they say I'm not a team player.

Joker

Whoopsie! Time to run. But there is still one unfinished piece of business...

Joker

Ah, ah, ah! Don't touch that remote. I know it's heartbreaking to have your favorite shows preempted, but look what you're getting instead: me! And a whole truckload of mindless violence and wanton property damage, everything that makes TV great! So stay tuned - you won't believe your eyes.

Joker

Here's how we do this little tango: I've tucked away a great, big time bomb somewhere on the Vegas strip. Only the Justice League can defuse it, 'cause if anyone else tries, [shows audience a switch] I press this, and kablooie! No waiting! Now, I know you want to see the big bomb hunt from the best point of view, so I've set up hundreds of cameras all over town! The League won't be able to burp without us looking in! And since every good suspense show has to have a ticking clock, here's mine! [a display appears on screen, counting down from 23 minutes - the average length of an episode without commercials] Oh, what were you expecting from me? A round number?

Joker

The Royal Flush Gang! Jack, Ten, King, and... uhhh... [as the camera pans up from Queen's feet, showing her figure] Queen!

Joker

[watching Batman's jet land and Batman step out] I see one of our stars approaching the red carpet! And he’s in black — always chic. [Javelin lands and the rest of the Justice League step out] But here come the fashion disasters. I’m surprised their mummies let them out of the house looking like that.

Joker

Oh, you're breaking an old man's heart, kids! Stand up to them like I would! If I were there... and if I had superpowers and... Oh, for Pete's sake, go back there and beat on them!

Joker

[after telling the origin story of his minions] The government said it was protecting them. But what it really wanted was to turn them into human weapons. And they would have gotten away with it too, if not for me meddling with the kids!

Joker

[about Ten] Ten feels no pain - literally! And he's just as strong as Stupidman!

Joker

[about Batman] Him again, it's always him!

Joker

I can't believe he didn't suspect a trap. See what happens when you don't watch enough television?

Joker

The suspense is killing me! Of course, it's going to be the explosions that kill them.

Joker

[after Green Lantern reveals a false bomb located at the bottom of a river] Aww, I was hoping someone would drown trying to disarm that. C'est la vie.

Joker

Ooh! Medical drama, life and death stakes, compelling human conflict...RATINGS!

Joker

You know, our show was picked up by all the news channels. And the last 15 minutes or so's been running on the Broadcast networks. According to my projections, we've got somewhere between 60-70 million people watching right now, and that was the point all along. This whole thing was a stunt, to get as many of you watching as possible, and it worked! My Royal Flush Gang provided the conflict, the Justice League brought the star power, and I brought the shocking surprise ending. Everyone watching this show right now is witness to my greatest joke ever. In just over five minutes, you'll all be hopelessly, incurably insane.